SLAYING SARAAAA ✨✨

@jonas

One thing to consider might be to actually not show what happens to Neveah until later in the story, instead of following her. That way you could linearly follow Sef and Lillitu up through this chapter. Cutting to Neveah and Ottoline after Sef and Lillitu jump off the cliff could be a great way to add tension. Always cut when your audience…

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@thearcaneaxiom

Here’s Sef’s reaction:

Chapter 4: Stolen

***revisal, the new segment at the end****

“Hush,” Cassian squeezed her tighter. Sef sobbed into his shoulder.

“I hate you!” she yelled in his ear. At that moment, she really believed it.

“Yes, I know,” he smiled sadly, knowingly. Sef soon got tired of crying and struggling and so she…[Read more]

@thearcaneaxiom

Think of it like your giving your readers a plate with a cheeseburger, but when they reach out to grab it, you pull it away, and throw a burrito at them. Sure burrito’s are great, but the readers were excited for that cheeseburger, and maybe a burrito is better served pushed towards them on a plate, instead of thrown at their f…

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@grcr

Got it!

@acancello

Haha! I’m glad! Hugo is so funny, (I based him off my brother so I have plenty of ideas, lol!)

Oh I bet!

My brother’s more annoying than funny. He’s 7 and likes to pretend he’s a cat and meow ALL THE TIME.

@whalekeeper

Sometimes I bring some taffy or chocolate to school and throw it into a crowd to see what happens.

Oh my gosh that’s hilarious

I should try that! Though my school doesn’t have “crowds”, we’re too small for that, lol. (There’s 120 kids in the whole school, K-12)

@fernweh_grace

Hi, nice to meet you!

We do have one role play going on that you can join (I know because I made it, lol) if you want. We’re pretty far along, but you can hop in anytime! It’s the one titled “Character Party” on the General Writing Discussions session. If you happen to join, you might want to read all the previous RP’s so you…[Read more]

@trailblazer @acancello @freedomwriter76 @esther-c @grcr @mineralizedwritings

Ottoline

Her hands shook as she fingered the delicate blue fabric. This is for me?  She wondered. What kind of person do they think I am? She could never wear that, she decided. This was too beautiful a dress for someone like her. She ran a hand through her tangled ha…[Read more]

@thearcaneaxiom

Oh, sorry, it is chapter 6!

Well, two years have passed, and Sef has been abused, so that changes her personality a little bit. They both get older and more mature. What do you mean by different, like personality?

@thearcaneaxiom

I’m putting more thought into the 4th chapter. Then I’m going to make it so Lilitu gets 2 chapters. What do you think of the revisal?

Chapter 4: A theif

“Git your grubby fingers off that bread!” Lilitu froze. He looked longingly at the loaf of bread which might as well have been a bar of gold, before turning to face the e…[Read more]

@jonas

Wow, how are you so good at creating magic systems? i’m so jealous, lol

@acancello

“A masquerade party?” Amir said, completely bewildered. “Why?”

“Maybe they’re torturing us,” Hugo joked, “what could be worse than dressing up and dancing with girls?” He laughed, seeming to have made a full recovery.

Girl I legit started laughing!!!

“That’s strange,” Amir commented from the floor, “these clothes, this rack here.…

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@whalekeeper

They’re going great, and I’ve been getting so much great feedback on my story? How about you?

@thearcaneaxiom

Do you think that the Paynes of the labor camp would use names still, but perhaps only in hushed tones especially around Pythonos?

Yeah I think so.

 An issue that I’m beginning to see now however is that it still feels like there’s no continuity of characters. Who do the readers connect to? Once they get to know one set of char…

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@acancello @mineralizedwritings

Yeah I’m good with whatever 🙂

@traiblazer

KP ate my original post where I had put all the ages of the McKinleys and so I had to hurry and redo it. So I must have forgotten to put Esther’s age, but she’s seven like @grcr said.

@trailblazer

They’re both still young though, so any romance between them would have to stay pretty light and not get too serious until they’re a little older. Bennett also is going to the army when he turns 17 or 18, but depending how their relationship would play out, they could write letters to each other and such.

I know you also said Tin…

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@grcr @whalekeeper @freedomwriter76 @smiley @trailblazer

Okay guys, sorry I’m late, but meet the McKinleys!

Reuben McKinley

He’s 45, with blue eyes and blonde hair. He’s very kind and loves to talk with people. He’s one of those parent’s who’ll stay hours at church talking with other parents! He’s good looking and muscular.

Ada McKinley

She’s…[Read more]

@freedomwriter76 @smiley @trailblazer @grcr @everyone

Okay guys…sorry I’m late, but meet the McKinleys!

Reuben McKinley

45 years old, 6’3. He’s easygoing and friendly, very easy to talk to. He’s one of those parents that will stay at church for hours chatting it up. He has blue eyes and blonde hair, good looking and muscular.

Ada McK…[Read more]

@freedomwriter76 @smiley @trailblazer @grcr @everyone

Sorry guys, I’m super late! Anything important that I missed that I should know before I make my “family”?