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@kate-flournoy Yep! I’m exceedingly happy! I will not melt the chairs!
I wrote 732 words!!! YAYAYAYAYAY! I did not feel writer’s blocky.
How’d you do?

@kate-flournoy Yep! I’m exceedingly happy! I will not melt the chairs!
I wrote 732 words!!! YAYAYAYAYAY! I did not feel writer’s blocky.

@kate-flournoy Yep, still here. My muse though it might come back for this one. New ideas almost always work.

@kate-flournoy @daeus I’ll be writing/planning.

@daeus Go to recent forum topics. There are two topics of this.

Ahh! How’d I make two of those? @daeus Are you able to delete the other one? 😛 Oops.

Ahh! How’d I make two of those? @daeus Are you able to delete the other one. 😛 Oops.

@daeus one last suggestion about the final sentence.

he is forced to confront everything he fights for shattered, everything he cherishes put to the test, and a long-hidden truth that will threaten his life.

I think that there should be a ‘being’ between ‘for’ and ‘shattered’. There needs to be some sort of verb there.

@daeus One quick note, where you say’ discovering a historic treasure, Matthew returns…”
You spelled Matthew with one ‘t’.

@daeus I really like this third version, but I still have a few battle-moves I like to use. 😛

First off, you say ‘vague shadows surrounding’. Well, my mind inserts the word ‘shrouds’ instead. I don’t know. I just think that word works better there.

Secondly, you say ‘wreak his vengeance’, it just doesn’t seem to fit. I start thinking ‘wreak…[Read more]

In a twist of fate, he is forced to confront everything he fights for shattered, everything he cherishes put to the test, and a long-concealed truth that will threaten his life.”

There is something not quite right with this. I like the last line about the long-concealed truth, but something doesn’t quite flow right with the sentence as a w…[Read more]

I’d rate it at a 7 or 8. A few corrections:

but strange events keep thwarting his every move

The ‘keep thwarting’ is passive. It would be stronger if you change it to thwarts.

And, as some of the others mentioned, I’d switch out one of the ‘events’ for a diffrent word.

and even his own life is put at stake.

There’s nothing wrong with…[Read more]

@perfectfifths
There are some very cool and well-done battles scenes in the prequels, but Anakin was very annoying.

@perfect-fifths Moody teenager indeed.
There are some very cool and well-done battles scenes in the prequels, but Anakin was very annoying.

@daeus
*melts synopsis* ATTACK!!! 😛 😀
Okay, just kidding.
So, for me, I wasn’t able to connect this:

Returning to wreak his vengeance, Matthew takes on the character of the mysterious Edwin Brook.

To this:

His wealth and power make his success almost certain

I guess for me, I don’t really know anything about Edwin Brooke…[Read more]

@daeus
*melts synopsis* ATTACK!!! 😛 😀
Okay, just kidding.
So, for me, I wasn’t able to connect this:

Returning to wreak his vengeance, Matthew takes on the character of the mysterious Edwin Brook.

To this:

His wealth and power make his success almost certain

I guess for me, I don’t really know anything about Edwin Brooke…[Read more]

@daeus
*melts synopsis* ATTACK!!! 😛 😀
Okay, just kidding.
So, for me, I wasn’t able to connect this:

Returning to wreak his vengeance, Matthew takes on the character of the mysterious Edwin Brook.

To this:

His wealth and power make his success almost certain

I guess for me, I don’t really know anything about Edwin Brooke as a…

[Read more]