Mallory O'Bier

@daeus I like the sentence change. I do like @graciegirl‘s version too… So, yes. Not much help. Just general agreement…

@Northerner @Emma-flournoy Hey, y’all! I just emailed Emma this, but I need Northerner’s email. 😛 😀 As soon as I’ve got that, I can do the thing!

@graciegirl Oh, boy. That’s a terrible feeling. Yeah, don’t worry a bit. I like getting your critique. It takes a lot to offend me.

As for the corrections, I’ll have to give them some more thought. At the moment, I’m considering replacing the current last sentence with, “In a twist of fate, he is forced to confront the shattering of everything he…[Read more]

All right. Would google docs work well with a kindle? I have no idea how to operate any of that stuff.

How about “and a bittersweet taste that won’t easily be forgotten”?

@northerner, How many words do your chapters average? Also, how many are there? This is my senior year so I’d need to give my schedule a quick check.

@emma-flournoy Hmm. Do you think I should make it just bittersweetness?

Definitely sounds like a winner there @rachelle! And I wouldn’t worry about the cliche, you’ll be putting your own spin on the story.

@Daeus I think lingering works. Better than anything I could come up with.

Aaand… honestly I’m not sure. It’s a toss-up. Both of those work in different ways… So helpful, I know. 😛

Ok, I’m back.

@kate-flournoy @emma-flournoy @northerner @hope @winter-rose @graciegirl.

So what do you think of lingering bittersweetness?

Also, instead of saying, “forced to confront everything he fights for shattered,” do you think it would be better to say, “forced to confront everything he fights for ruined”?

@rachelle What they said. I actually haven’t read too many amnesia books, though I haven’t a small part of it. It think that what you have is great!

“We’re going to defeat him with what?”
“Hey, I think it’s a great idea. You know, ‘The pen is mightier than the sword,’ and all that.”
“That’s ‘pen’, we have a pencil with a broken lead.”

Ladies and gentlemen, this is how we integrate theme and premise. Let’s have a round of applause.
*deafening applause*

@Rachelle I love it! Do it. Cliches aren’t cliches if they’re part of the theme and by extension necessary to the story.

@rachelle That sounds really neat, actually. I don’t really think cliches are a big problem, so long as you write well. My one thought is that it would be best if you could at least give some hint of the theme early on. Maybe the characters don’t have any clue about the theme, but you could show some of the government people talking about justice and such.

awesome digital art, @rachelle. Keep it up! It’s amazing

awesome digital art, @rachelle. Keep it up! It’s amazing

Thanks so much guys @Hope @Audrey-Caylin @Kayla-Joy!

@R-J-Wordsmith sure thing. How about… pencils? *eyes twinkle*

Could we have a new topic please? I’m kind of running out of ideas for the candy prompt.

@his-instrument Edward III claimed to be king of France and began the hundred year’s war in…1347.

Is that right?