MarkMcGuire

In a twist of fate, he is forced to confront everything he fights for shattered, everything he cherishes put to the test, and a long-concealed truth that will threaten his life.”

There is something not quite right with this. I like the last line about the long-concealed truth, but something doesn’t quite flow right with the sentence as a w…[Read more]

@Daeus yes, I love it. I obviously know the story, which may or may not mess up my perspective, but it’s strong to me and makes me want to pick it up and read it… lots of questions.

@Daeus yes! Much better. The only thing that’s a little off is this sentence:

Setting out to find new strength, he plummets into struggles for survival, desperate plots, uncertainties, and the vague shadow surrounding his destiny from a dying mentor’s vision.

I think it’s just the ‘into struggles for survival’ part— maybe I’m being picky, b…[Read more]

@Daues yes! Much better. The only thing that’s a little off is this sentence:

Setting out to find new strength, he plummets into struggles for survival, desperate plots, uncertainties, and the vague shadow surrounding his destiny from a dying mentor’s vision.

I think it’s just the ‘into struggles for survival’ part— maybe I’m being picky, b…[Read more]

This sounds awesome, Kate! Thanks for sharing!

I’d rate it at a 7 or 8. A few corrections:

but strange events keep thwarting his every move

The ‘keep thwarting’ is passive. It would be stronger if you change it to thwarts.

And, as some of the others mentioned, I’d switch out one of the ‘events’ for a diffrent word.

and even his own life is put at stake.

There’s nothing wrong with…[Read more]

Ooh, I like it! Although, I’m really not the best judge when it comes to stuff like this…Haha! But it definitely kept my interest throughout.

I don’t have anything to add, really. I agree with what @kate-flournoy said about the sentence structure. I did notice that, but, overall, I think you did a great job -much better than I could’ve done.…[Read more]

Mmmm… yes. I like this. Not really much to attack… the one thing that jumped out at me as needing some work was you used this sentence structure:

Something something something, some resulting something something something result.

a lot. With the comma after the first few set-up words, then a tacked-on resulting thought. There’s nothing…[Read more]

Ohhhhhh… yikes. Well. Yes. That would definitely put a damper on your chances of attendance. 😛

@PerfectFifths

@Daeus actually I have to go. Good luck.

Well, you never asked. 😛 I actually have to go to bed at ten so it’s more like 9:45, but close enough. Company is welcome.

Here you are. Though this was for this years.

@Daeus I actually usually go till ten… 😛 But not tonight. I’ll be with you as far as nine, then I’m stopping cuz my dad and brother are coming home from a hunting trip and that’s when they’re supposed to get here.

🙁 That’s too bad. Where do you live again?

Yes @PerfectFifths— Indiana, for this one.

I guess we’ll see. 😀

@PerfectFifths yes… though the whole personality thing isn’t necessarily about how you act. It’s about the way you think; the way you process information. That generally affects the way you act, but actions are only a symptom.

@PerfectFifths no, I don’t believe Rogue 1 is a trilogy. I think it’s a standalone. I’m pretty sure it’s the backstory behind the Return of the Jedi line ‘Many Bothans died to bring us this information’.

And I’m actually curious about Rogue 1. I wouldn’t be if I hadn’t loved The Force Awakens so much, but now that I see awesome things can be…[Read more]