Loopy

@ellette-giselle

I’m not exactly sure if I agree with you about God ever wanting Christians to lie, but I get that you’re voicing your own beliefs and I understand why you don’t want to change it. However, just be aware that it might be a slightly controversial topic.

Anyway, I love the plot twist. Great job with the details leading up to it…[Read more]

@jonas @loopylin @hybridlore @ellette-giselle @rae @grcr @raxforge

Marcel — Elderstrand (w/ Group 1)

The chunky creatures loomed over them, casting shadows over the soaked ground. They walked without sight or feeling, without head movement.

Someone cried out. It was the man with wind powers. He cradled his hand, and when the other young men…[Read more]

@loopylin

You and me both, girl. But it looks like your world-building is paying off :]

@loopylin

“Clickmen.” Felicity shuddered at the sound of metal footsteps. It was clear as they got closer that they were not the machines Felicity was used to

Well, that’s the freakiest name for robotic machines I’ve ever heard. *Eyes you suspiciously* Have you been worldbuilding for something?

@linus-smallprint oooh awesome! and you’re welcome!

a little like this but a grizzly bear instead of a polar bear, and more vicious?

(not my art)

If you’ve ever seen the first Puss in Boots movie from Dreamworks, there’s a giant mama goose that actually does a good amount of damage to the town she invades while looking for her chick, who the main characters stole. Basing on that alone (I’ve never met a free-roaming goose, that I remember at least), I can see just an ordinary giant goose…[Read more]

@linus-smallprint oh, good to know I’m not alone then! It’s not discouraging at all, it’s just one of those thoughts you have when you’re trying to sleep but your brain won’t let you. Y’know.

And I’m glad you have an explanation ready for why this section feels rushed. Makes sense.

and bruh that Canada meme! We have somethin’ like that…[Read more]

@linus-smallprint

So, I think I can safely say which scenes you have added in and which ones were in the draft. I’ve run into this same problem several times. If my book is more then a year old when I do the re-writes and big edits, you can always tell what I wrote before and what is added. I think our style and skill develops the more we write,…[Read more]

@linus-smallprint

Oh. You are not the first I’ve heard to say that, but I don’t mind that you don’t agree. Sabina does voice my own beliefs however, so I won’t be changing this.

I would be interested in your reasons behind why you don’t agree with her/my reasoning. Though keep in mind I won’t be changing this scene, so if you find it a waste of…[Read more]

@rae

Don’t look at me.

My guys are just normal people with some military training.

@whalekeeper @grcr @raxforge @loopylin @jonas

Leon and Julian —Group 1, Elderstrand edge

Julian looked up and his eyes widened. He yanked Leon back. “Look out!”

Leon spun, gripping his sword tightly. His eyes and mouth opened in shock. “What are t…[Read more]

@linus-smallprint

This is one of the best ones yet!!

I’m curious, did you write this from scratch, or was it in the draft?

This was super well done, and I like everything about it. (though i did see a typo here and there.)

Very well done.

@grcr you’re welcome 😁

@linus-smallprint ooh interesting!!

Alan’s character development is showing through! It does seem a tiny bit sudden, but I don’t know cause I’ve never actually seen a person get saved and them follow their life immediately afterward. I was saved when I was really young and effectively don’t even remember it, so I can’t even use myself as an…[Read more]

@jonas YES!

@whalekeeper @ellette-giselle @grcr @raxforge @loopylin

Baron (Brutus)—Group 1, Elderstrand edge

Brutus sighed, before coughing once more. After which, he harnessed the wind once again, throwing the strong wind at the foremost figure, trying to knock it over. But nothing appeared to happen to the things. Brutus gave a cry,…[Read more]

@linus-smallprint

Yes, it’s the Iliad and the Odyssey as a musicale and it was SO WELL done!

oooo, next chapter! Yay!

@linus-smallprint

BOTH!

hey, how did you know?

@grcr very cool, and I like his name!

dun dun dun!

@hybridlore @linus-smallprint @keilah-h

LONG Section!!!!!

Darrien lost his job the next morning.

The Governor decided that if the main part of the city was rebuilt, the work could stop. This left a group of neighborhoods to the east in terrible disarray, and it wasn’t long before only thieves and war refugees inhabited them.

To e…

[Read more]