Linus Smallprint

@linus-smallprint  @keilah-h @hybridlore

“Joseph!” Asher yelled.

Joseph spun toward his friend and saw the ball in his hand. “Throw it!” he shouted, running several paces backwards.

Asher threw the ball and Joseph caught it. Eric came racing out of the house, whooping in the afternoon sunshine.

The days were growing warmer, and with the spri…

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@linus-smallprint @keilah-h

Thanks y’all! This was so great to come home to!

I’m glad y’all liked Adrian’s reintroduction! It’s one of my favorite scenes.

Ah, thanks Linus for the typo catches.

There we go, there is that Ardenta mistrust appearing.

Yes. Glad you caught that! Not only is the poor kid traumatized by soldiers, (as alluded to in…[Read more]

@linus-smallprint  @keilah-h @hybridlore

NEXT SECTION

A day passed, and then another. Slowly, Joseph was beginning to come to terms with his grief. He was beginning to spend more time praying, asking God to help him. He knew he could never be like Aaron, but maybe God would at least help him triumph over the nightmares that stole his sleep…

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@linus-smallprint

Like I said, my mind was in a weird place. Specifically in the place of a reader snacking on some yogurt-covered pretzels.

Ew.

Honestly, I have always found those things rather nasty. They taste like artificial sweetener. Or at least the ones I’ve had always do.

You can post every couple of days. I can go over a couple of…

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@linus-smallprint

Wonderful!

I love that musical so much.

@linus-smallprint

Look, if anyone picks up the series at book two, they deserve to be confused. *shrug*

If there’s any recap I’ll put a little in the Blurb on the back. But otherwise, what’s here is what they get.

Good Grief! Book two for nine year olds! NO WAY! It is so dark!

I’m a little torn. I think most of the conversation you have i…

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@linus-smallprint ooof Ender’s Game.

Good example for a dystopian writer, horribly graphic writing (and also the occasional curse words? I remember there being Marvel-level cursing but not much worse).

Luckily I’m not the kind who’s perturbed by violence in writing. Watching it would be a different story, but reading that kind of thing really…[Read more]

@keilah-h @hybridlore

Okay, that’s two against me.

Glad you like the map!!

I’ll take a look at that section and see what I can do by way of trimming a few things up………

what do you think, @linus-smallprint ?

@hybridlore

Yeah. I’ll see what @linus-smallprint and @keilah-h say, and from there I’ll make a decision once I have everyone’s opinion.

I think I could end up trimming things up a little if I need to.

Well, I know the belief in Divine Election is not held by everyone. Some people believe that anyone who chooses to be saved can be saved,…[Read more]

@hybridlore  @keilah-h  @linus-smallprint

For anyone interested, here is the current map.This is what everything looks like in this book.

@hybridlore  @keilah-h  @linus-smallprint

Alrighty people! Have fun with this very long section! I hope you enjoy it.

Also, Linus, I am starting to have some high hopes for this book, despite what I said about it not being my favorite. I think i might enjoy it a lot. Just let me know if it’s starting to feel like a LTBL repeat. (If you would b…[Read more]

@linus-smallprint

I read the updated version of Chapter the 23rd, and I really like it! You did a great job of capturing Alan’s emotions and his motivation, and demonstrating the saving power of the Savior through Charles.

The one thing I’m going to criticize is what Charles says when his son is saved:

“Alan, my Son! I am so glad to hear t…

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@linus-smallprint

This is one of the songs from a favorite musical of mine. It isn’t perfect, because the main character is married and has a son, but this song of his really reminded me of Alan.

Let me know what you think.

@linus-smallprint

This is great! I think it sets the stage for the next chapter much better! I like it.

@linus-smallprint

yeah, I can close off the week gap. I might say “a day or two” or something like that. Would this be better.

I think you meant to say someone else’s voice.

Ah, yes, I do. thanks.

Poor Joseph. I would be a little curious to know what it was like for him when he lost his own father. Does he ever see his face in the n…

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@linus-smallprint

That’s fair. I feel the same way about ‘you do you’.

don’t even get me started.

With Alan down, he would probably try to step in and would not be willing in the least be to let Rour go. So Rour isn’t in a winning position yet. Do you have any ideas for this?

Hmm……

Let’s see.

Well, would Stripe care to protect Alan? I didn’…[Read more]

@linus-smallprint

Alright, I will.

@keilah-h @hybridlore

Shorter section, but I want to make sure Joseph is making sense and his character is developing well before I post more.

A week passed.

For Joseph, it was a time of raw pain. He had always been shy and quiet, but now he seemed even more so. He seemed older than his years, and…

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@linus-smallprint

I mean, didn’t you used to think, when you were a little kid, that your dad was equal to super man, and your mom was flawless? (I sure did)

Now that we’re older, we can understand that they are just human, but when we are young, mom and dad can do anything and they’ve never once done something wrong in their lives.

The adults…[Read more]

@linus-smallprint

It benefits you, the reader.

We know Aaron was not the perfect man Joseph thought he was.

We now know Sabina is not the strong, fearless young woman that Joseph thinks she is.

We can see the flaws in Joseph’s thinking, and understand them, but they are flaws.

Plus, I can’t go kill the poor thing’s Fiance without giving…[Read more]

@linus-smallprint ok, yeah that sounds about right!

I didn’t think of that, but you’re probably right. I kind of like whimsical, just as long as it doesn’t get cheesy.

Yeah me too!