@linus-smallprint
Active 1 week, 3 days ago- Rank: Eccentric Mentor
- Total Posts: 1293
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Keilah H. replied to the topic The Narrow Path Trilogy Book I: The Cost in the forum Novel Critique Requests 1 year, 9 months ago
@linus-smallprint I’m still reading! I just haven’t had the chance to critique the chapters.
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Ellette Giselle replied to the topic The Veil of Night– second book in The Flames of Hope Saga in the forum Novel Critique Requests 1 year, 9 months ago
@hybridlore  @linus-smallprint   @koshka  @keilah-h   @elishavet-pidyon  @grcr
Okay, I made the suggested changes to the last couple of sections, and I’m working on some more Joseph/Amelia interactions. I thought I’d just go ahead and post the next scene while I take care of the other stuff.
NEXT SECTION
After Leon and Julian left…
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Stepheroni and Cheese replied to the topic The Narrow Path Trilogy Book I: The Cost in the forum Novel Critique Requests 1 year, 9 months ago
Just-
What-
No!Â
Seriously, that gave me the ugh-the-main-character-is-doing-something-stupid sinking feeling in my stomach, so bravo. You can successfully torture your readers.
In chapter the 28th, I did notice that some of the dialogue between Alan and his father is a bit stiff. For example:
Alan gave his father a…
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Ellette Giselle replied to the topic The Veil of Night– second book in The Flames of Hope Saga in the forum Novel Critique Requests 1 year, 9 months ago
How did I know y’all were going to say this.
What did I tell you, Hybridlore? I said, I’m trying to work on the next section, but Linus is going to make me redo it and add some fillers.
grrrr.
Okay. Hmmm.
I’ll cut that scene you both agree on.
I’ll try to fill in some Joseph and Amelia stuff.
How much…
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Ellette Giselle replied to the topic The Narrow Path Trilogy Book I: The Cost in the forum Novel Critique Requests 1 year, 9 months ago
Just met the second crow, but I’m pausing to call something.
I think it’s his mother.
Maybe.
Also, I think you’re missing something?
He remembered the day General Pownce had given it to him. On that day, the lyen general had
Maybe “had said”
Oh shoot.
Linus!!!! WHY! I am furious with you right now. Just…[Read more]
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Ellette Giselle replied to the topic The Veil of Night– second book in The Flames of Hope Saga in the forum Novel Critique Requests 1 year, 9 months ago
You sure did.It wasn’t a hard one tho.
Hmmm. I see what you mean.
I might switch that.
We’ll see what @linus-smallprint says.
Thanks so much for the feedback!
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hybridlore replied to the topic The Veil of Night– second book in The Flames of Hope Saga in the forum Novel Critique Requests 1 year, 9 months ago
Hah! @linus-smallprint and I called it!! 😆
So, good section. The end… I know you said there are going to be parts of the books where you include longer scripture passages. That’s fine, but this scene kind of feels almost exactly like Aaron’s did, when he was studying the Bible about a husband and wife. I think it’s too similar…[Read more]
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Ellette Giselle replied to the topic The Veil of Night– second book in The Flames of Hope Saga in the forum Novel Critique Requests 1 year, 9 months ago
@hybridlore  @linus-smallprint   @koshka  @keilah-h   @elishavet-pidyon  @grcr
NEXT SECTION!
Time continued to pass, and the days grew warmer and longer. Joseph thrived as he spent his days working hard in the fields and the evening studying with his brothers in Christ, or fellowshipping with the Caddick family. It was during this time t…
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HighScribe replied to the topic The Chat Chat in the forum General Writing Discussions 1 year, 9 months ago
Crystalized was pretty bad, but I don’t think Dragons Rising is very good, either. I could rant about it, but I’m not going to because nobody wants that :p
I’ll just say the thing that bothers me the most about it is the way they’re trampling over all the lore they’ve already established. The stuff they’re introducing just…[Read more]
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Enid replied to the topic The Chat Chat in the forum General Writing Discussions 1 year, 9 months ago
@linus-smallprint @highscribeofaetherium
I haven’t actually watched either of these seasons all the way through. I know they are considered some of the best of Ninjago, and from what I know of them, Lloyd is pushed through some very interesting character development, but I don’t like the Oni and the Garmadon resurrection. (One problem I wish Nin…
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HighScribe replied to the topic How Many MCs/POV Characters Is Too Many? in the forum Characters 1 year, 9 months ago
There are a lot of teens/adults who still follow the show from their childhood.
Yeah, that’s pretty much why I still watch it. Nostalgia, plus to cringe at the recent seasons :p
But maybe we should take this conversation elsewhere before Ducktator kicks us off.
Lol perhaps.
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Enid replied to the topic How Many MCs/POV Characters Is Too Many? in the forum Characters 1 year, 9 months ago
@linus-smallprint
Okay I’ll move to Chat Chat 😛 -
Enid replied to the topic How Many MCs/POV Characters Is Too Many? in the forum Characters 1 year, 9 months ago
This is true. I feel that Master of the Mountain had very random focus episodes, so Cole didn’t get as much story besides leading the quest. But I loved his mother’s lore.
Hot take (actually this is more of an unknown take): Sons of Garmadon and Hunted were great seasons for Cole specifically.
Oh boy,…[Read more]
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HighScribe replied to the topic How Many MCs/POV Characters Is Too Many? in the forum Characters 1 year, 9 months ago
@whalekeeper @linus-smallprint
I didn’t even realize other teenagers/adults even liked that show 😂
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Ellette Giselle replied to the topic The Veil of Night– second book in The Flames of Hope Saga in the forum Novel Critique Requests 1 year, 9 months ago
Looks like this section is a hit!
I mostly use ESV, but sometimes I’ll use another version if I find it translates the Hebrew/Greek better for the particular verse/passage.
I’m glad you like that scene. It’s one of my fav.
Spring Fever is a real thing. Especially among the teenage guys at our church.
lol.
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Enid replied to the topic How Many MCs/POV Characters Is Too Many? in the forum Characters 1 year, 9 months ago
Ah, Ninjago. #GiveColeAFocusSeason
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Ellette Giselle replied to the topic The Narrow Path Trilogy Book I: The Cost in the forum Novel Critique Requests 1 year, 9 months ago
I don’t know. I see that stuff really fast, but it might just be me. Do you want it to come as a shock?
By the way, do you have any guesses for why Alan was able to defeat his attackers so easily while Stripe was easily beaten?
Two.
One, capturing Alan’s father is a decoy because for some reason the king wants Alan to…[Read more]
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Ellette Giselle replied to the topic The Veil of Night– second book in The Flames of Hope Saga in the forum Novel Critique Requests 1 year, 9 months ago
@hybridlore  @linus-smallprint   @koshka  @keilah-h   @elishavet-pidyon  @grcr
NEXT SECTION
Stephen and David continued to grow, and Joseph found himself looking up to them in many ways. Mr. Caddick was always a source of wisdom, and Joseph found himself coming to him often. It seemed so strange to Joseph that they all looked up to him,…
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Ellette Giselle replied to the topic The Narrow Path Trilogy Book I: The Cost in the forum Novel Critique Requests 1 year, 9 months ago
btw, thanks for the “guy-talk” scene. 😉
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Ellette Giselle replied to the topic The Narrow Path Trilogy Book I: The Cost in the forum Novel Critique Requests 1 year, 9 months ago
To say I didn’t know the minute Alan’s father made the plan would be lying.
I knew he was going to get caught.
I really liked this chapter! I like it a whole lot!
Poor Stripe, I feel bad for him. Perfume is awful!! Especially ON YOUR NOSE!
Okay, the similarities thing
The only thing that stood out to me as being…[Read more]
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