[Koshka]

@freed_and_redeemed

Awwww, so fun! (Why do your grown characters still ignite the “poor little babies” part of my brain?)

Also…what does Nikolai look like perchance? And have you done a collage for him? (If you haven’t…well now, I don’t know a whole lot about his story, but I think I’ve caught his drift)

First Grand Historian of Arreth and the Lesser Realms (aka Kitty)
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[Koshka]

@ellette-giselle

Good. That’s what I assumed was happening.

The emotional/spiritual aspect will be addressed later.

I’m afraid I was more concerned over the emotional/psychological aspect, but I suppose that’s kinda what you meant.

 

…

*Cackles*

Oh, and I wasn’t sad. I was almost angry. Slightly mad. Highly miffed. And rather sorry for Joseph.

The question is: should the short story outright punish Ellette, or a character she cares about?

*Twirls gold pen*

First Grand Historian of Arreth and the Lesser Realms (aka Kitty)
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[Koshka]

@ellette-giselle

*Glares*

You killed him. I’m more than mildly miffed at you.

*Huffs*

*Contemplates writing you into a short story just so I can heap vengeance with my pen*

***

As to the last section…

This could just be a difference is my own temperament, upbringing, or understanding, but I’m not sure I agree with how Sabina handled the situation, even though I understand why she did what she did. I don’t think making the boy’s work together after two fights was addressing the real problem (which appears to be physical and emotional exhaustion).

Now, Sabina’s not perfect (and neither am I), so I don’t expect her to have the perfect solution to every problem, and it was a pretty good idea. I’m just concerned over the long terms effects these past couple chapters will have on the boys.

Anyway, I need to get make to school work. I may come back later and reevaluate.

 

 

*Though I’m still more than miffed about Adrian*

• This reply was modified 6 days, 10 hours ago by Koshka. Reason: Seriously?!

First Grand Historian of Arreth and the Lesser Realms (aka Kitty)
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[Koshka]

@ellette-giselle

Well of course I’m reading it. XD

Ooooffffff I knowwwww. Hurting the poor babies hurts us too…

 

A threat?

 

…

 

Hmmm…

First Grand Historian of Arreth and the Lesser Realms (aka Kitty)
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[Koshka]

@ellette-giselle

I think you can go ahead and give the prompt whenever you want.

And I vote for one word. It makes things so much more interesting in my opinion.

First Grand Historian of Arreth and the Lesser Realms (aka Kitty)
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[Koshka]

@ellette-giselle

Okay! I finally got to read through this so far. Here’s my thoughts:

1) Joseph is a dear little boy who might need to be protected from his author.

2) You tend to rely a little heavily on Telling over Showing. For instance, you saying he is struggling with nightmares is unnecessary, since I can see that well enough from his POV (poor boy). Maybe look at writing as puzzle where you give the reader the pieces, but make them put the picture together. The character’s behavior, words, and actions should be enough to understand their current state of mind/struggles/ect. You already do this, but it’s still an area that could use some growth, especially at the beginning of each chapter.

3) You’ve done a good job of keeping to a single writing voice. Your word choice has been consistent but not repetitive. However, you use a lot of words. As you edit, focus on slimming that down. If one sentence can say the same as several, use one. If one word for many…you get the point. Your prose will become more graceful.

4) I like Adrian. I want him to find his brother, to escape. You had better not be preparing him for martyrdom. *Raises eyebrow*

Anyway, I’m enjoying this. =)

 

 

(You had better be nice to Adrian)

First Grand Historian of Arreth and the Lesser Realms (aka Kitty)
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[Koshka]

@ellette-giselle

Yep.

Wait a minute.

First Grand Historian of Arreth and the Lesser Realms (aka Kitty)
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[Koshka]

@ellette-giselle

That is awesome. I wonder if our ancestors fought with, or against each other… XD

First Grand Historian of Arreth and the Lesser Realms (aka Kitty)
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[Koshka]

@calyhuge

I did think it was funny. I also thought it was gross. Quite gross. Grossly gross. But it was funny.

Still wondering how y’all come up with stuff like that though.

First Grand Historian of Arreth and the Lesser Realms (aka Kitty)
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[Koshka]

@liberty

Oh dear no. We need more books! Allllll the books!!!!!

XD

First Grand Historian of Arreth and the Lesser Realms (aka Kitty)
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[Koshka]

@liberty

Oops, sorry. I’m doing Spanish homework and my brain is officially frying.

We need good books in both YA and MG genres.

First Grand Historian of Arreth and the Lesser Realms (aka Kitty)
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[Koshka]

@liberty

*Cackles*

*Cough cough*

Excuse me.

You see, I’m starting to fall in love with writing for kids. Or maybe I did a long time ago and I’m just now figuring that out. Either way, it’s a topic I’m passionate about. This world is a dark place for kids, for anybody, and it’s just going to get darker in these last hours before Dawn. Kid’s need to know there is a Dawn.

*Ahem*

So yeah. You may want to be careful talking about children’s writing stuff around me because I might start ranting, and who knows what might happen if Koshka starts that. She might try to recruit all the Kingdom to this cause.

Really though, if you want to write for kid’s or YA, know that there’s not a lot of places so in need of what you have to say.

First Grand Historian of Arreth and the Lesser Realms (aka Kitty)
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[Koshka]

@raxforge

……

 

Ouch.

First Grand Historian of Arreth and the Lesser Realms (aka Kitty)
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[Koshka]

@keilah-h

Awesome. I like their tails in the wind.

Yeah, I had thought of a general short story to do, but it didn’t happen. Maybe I’ll stick it here later, maybe I’ll just let it grow moss in the back of my mind until it ends up in some WIP quite by accident.

First Grand Historian of Arreth and the Lesser Realms (aka Kitty)
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[Koshka]

@keilah-h

Oooo, sure!

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