Katherine

@dragon-snapper I came across this interesting article whilest doing research stuff for my next article here: http://thewritepractice.com/first-line/. A handy breakdown of great first lines and why they hook readers. I think my favourite was:

“It was a bright cold day in April, and the clocks were striking thirteen.” -1984 by George Orwell

So…[Read more]

@timothy-young Haha, yes, like I said, we were thinking of selecting one “main” author so it has one “voice” and wasn’t different every chapter. But we’d all have contributed ideas and suggestions.

@timothy-young

This sounds like a very interesting idea, Timothy. The only problem I would see (which you have already pointed out) is making the ideas go together. Like you said, see it as a challenge, but challenge or no, sometimes two ideas just don’t make sense together. (A way to try and avoid this could be specifying the…[Read more]

@dragon-snapper

Hooks are not my forte (I struggle writing a good opening line) My usual go-to is possibly a line of dialogue, so you’re jumping in right in the middle of a conversation (and you’d use some backstory to find out how we got here)
Or describing a scene (an example from my own writing, “Two weary travellers stood on the dusty…[Read more]

@dragon-snapper

Hooks are not my forte (I struggle writing a good opening line) My usual go-to is possibly a line of dialogue, so you’re jumping in right in the middle of a conversation (and you’d use some backstory to find out how we got here)
Or describing a scene (an example from my own writing, “Two weary travellers stood on the dusty…[Read more]

@daeus

In a twist of fate, he is forced to confront everything he fights for shattered, everything he cherishes put to the test, and a long-hidden truth that will threaten his life.

This sentence is feeling very clumsy (I can’t tell if it is clumsy, or I’m just not reading it right)
But like @dragon-snapper said. Perhaps “…he is forced to…[Read more]

@daeus

In a twist of fate, he is forced to confront everything he fights for shattered, everything he cherishes put to the test, and a long-hidden truth that will threaten his life.

This sentence is feeling very clumsy (I can’t tell if it is clumsy, or I’m just not reading it right)
But like @dragon-snapper said. Perhaps “…he is forced to…[Read more]

In a twist of fate, he is forced to confront everything he fights for shattered, everything he cherishes put to the test, and a long-concealed truth that will threaten his life.”

There is something not quite right with this. I like the last line about the long-concealed truth, but something doesn’t quite flow right with the sentence as a w…[Read more]

This sounds awesome, Kate! Thanks for sharing!

@dragon-snapper

I also quite liked (and still do, somewhat) the battle droids, they’re so strange looking. 😀 I think I appreciate little-boy Anakin, because he was a child in a movie full of grown-ups, and I always appreciated and liked the child characters as a child myself (but what child doesn’t? Especially if said child character is a Chosen…[Read more]

I’d rate it at a 7 or 8. A few corrections:

but strange events keep thwarting his every move

The ‘keep thwarting’ is passive. It would be stronger if you change it to thwarts.

And, as some of the others mentioned, I’d switch out one of the ‘events’ for a diffrent word.

and even his own life is put at stake.

There’s nothing wrong with…[Read more]

@dragon-snapper @daeus

One last thing, you say he ‘takes on’ the character. Well, at a glance, I might thing that he’s trying to fight this character.

Yeah, this confused me, too. Is he fighting this guy, or is he becoming this guy? (that was my first thought) And also, saying what “he fights for is shattered” can’t really give us any meani…[Read more]

@kate-flournoy

Yes, I should think so. 😀 Such a shame, all the stuff cool is happening in the States. 😛 We don’t even have a Disneyland here (yet…?) 😛

@daeus

It’s really good, I think I’m interested. I think I agree with @kate-flournoy about the slight choppiness of the whole thing. Perhaps a little more backstory? (I am not an expert on how synopses work, so I don’t know how much one should put in and how much one should leave out)

“…but strange events keep thwarting his every move. In a…[Read more]

Ooh, I like it! Although, I’m really not the best judge when it comes to stuff like this…Haha! But it definitely kept my interest throughout.

I don’t have anything to add, really. I agree with what @kate-flournoy said about the sentence structure. I did notice that, but, overall, I think you did a great job -much better than I could’ve done.…[Read more]

@kate-flournoy I live in, *ahem* Western Australia XD 😀

@kate-flournoy Bummer! I don’t believe I can fit in a quick trip to Indiana for a conference in my plans next year. 😉 XD

@dragon-snapper That’s just sad, because Anakin Skywalker was, um, the protagonist! XD I haven’t seen the prequels (except for Episode I, when I was very young, and I admit, Jar Jar Binks was my favourite character, but we’re talking about a seven-year-old-ish aged girl who loved funny stuff and didn’t appreciate the story), but the pics of Ani I…[Read more]

This is amazing advice, Kate, thanks so much for sharing! 🙂 I’ve seen the tip about selling yourself, not your product before. Seeing it in a two different, unrelated places makes it all the more good advice, I reckon, because it’s not just one person telling you what they think works.

Of course, these conferences are in the States, am I right? 😉