Cloaked Mystery

@grcr (CASSIAN SCENE ALERT) @ellette-giselle @esther-c @rae @jonas @whalekeeper @highscribeofatherium

This scene isn’t really edited either…

But let me know if it makes sense AT ALL

Chapter 5

Birdie

“I love birds,” Sef sang as she spread her arms wide, mimicking the birds soaring overhead, silhouetted against the bright blue sky.

She lov…[Read more]

@jonas

Ugh…I feel like I keep saying things I will regret later XD

Why are you so good at this??? You need to be an editor someday lol

I do have one more question regarding this. If the Andromedans so universally despise and hate Paynes, then where do you get the people who are willing to marry a human and become Paynes themselves?

Before the…[Read more]

DROPPING THE NEXT CHAPTER!!!

Just so you know, it’s not edited…heh…heh…

so just bear with me XD

Tags: @jonas @grcr @esther-c @highscribeofaetherium @ellette-giselle @rae @and-my-brain-stopped-working

“Please! Someone help me!” Neveah gasped for breath, frantically scanning the crowds for a familiar face.

Where could Sef have gon…

[Read more]

@jonas

Okay, that explanation works. However, this being the first chapter and all, readers will assume that that is just an innate characteristic of Paynes. Furthermore, Kratos shouldn’t expect the smell, and you might want to make him remark to himself about it.

Okay good point XD XD

Unless… How do you want the other Andromedan races to come acr…

[Read more]

@jonas

Wow…this is a lot to think about and really helpful! Thank you!!

I don’t think there’s anything wrong with it as it is, it really evokes a certain mood, and has really strong imagery.

Okay good XD

Yeah, the first line of the book is always the hardest because that’s how the readers decide whether or not to keep reading!

These three par…

[Read more]

For once I actually drew something I’m not greatly ashamed to show…

@freed_and_redeemed @grcr @trailblazer @jonas @highscribeofaetherium @savannah_grace2009 @theducktator @theshadow

This is a picture of Tomoko from that short story I shared with you. Sorry about the poor quality, our scanner likes to give everything a greenish or yellowish…[Read more]

@jonas

I kind of have the opposite problem: my style has shifted to be a very strict 3rd-person limited POV, which means all information has to come out very naturally and it takes me way too long to explain things.

Honestly, me too lol

I think what happened is I overcorrected XD

@jonas sorry, I was going to wait for you to post the next ones….but since @ellette-giselle wants to look at the next one, and there shouldn’t be any more after this for a while, it shouldn’t be too panic inducing…lol

Chapter 2

Found

Cassian’s bare feet flew over the verdant carpet, effortlessly leaping over sticks and stones in his pat…[Read more]

@ellette-giselle

why Nico left, where is the baby from the prologue, who are the two different groups here. I know you have hinted at it a little in the prologue, but I’d still like more back story and more info. I tend to be a little more like Tolkine in writing, as in, I have a backstory for everyone, and most of the time, %60 percent of the b…

[Read more]

@jonas

I have mostly positive things to say actually lol! The way I phrased that did sound a bit scary, sorry!

You’re good…I also tend to overthink a lot and assume the worst in situations 😂

I’m excited to hear your thoughts!

@highscribeofaetherium @ellette-giselle

Yeah…oops!

I fixed that in the platform I write on (it’s called Reedsy), thank you for catching that!

@ellette

The reason that I accidently changed that to Selena is because I changed that section a LOT. I just came up with the idea to have their names be changed recently, because when you turn to…[Read more]

@jonas

That’s so great! I know you were having some hard times recently, and it’s good to hear that you’re doing better!

Yeah…spiritual warfare is a real thing!!!!!!!! But now I can see that God is always fighting for me, and I’m never alone!!!

I didn’t feel like that at all! There was a point when I wasn’t able to keep up, but that was just…

[Read more]

@jonas @highscribeofaetherium @thearcaneaxiom (sorry to tag you again but this needs to be said)

Y’all….I just scrolled through the first 14 pages of this…

I owe you guys BIG TIME! Like you put up with me, a new, confused, emotionally unstable writer and helped me SOOOO MUCH! Words can’t describe how thankful I am that you three were there…[Read more]

@grcr @esther-c @freed_and_redeemed @thearcaneaxiom @whalekeeper @jonas @highscribeofaetherium @acancello (I’m still going to tag you until you come back) @anyone-else

See above post ⬆⬆⬆

@jonas

Yeah, good point. LOTR should be in the middle, at least from what I know of Mistborn.

@jonas

I was expecting LOTR to win as well. If we can’t do both Wingfeather and Mistborn, I would say go with Wingfeather, since at least 3 people haven’t read Mistborn, and I think everyone has read Wingfeather.

@jonas

If a zip is a real thing, I don’t know about it. A zip is like a type of speeder, but only meant for one person. Most speeders in my writing are built for two or more.

@highscribeofaetherium @jonas

It is set in my sci-fi galaxy, which in that world is the same as our universe, but at the same time, I don’t believe in life on that planets or in other galaxies. Sorry, it’s confusing, but once you figure it out, it makes sense.

The reason I didn’t go into much of the sci-fi stuff is for one, I don’t lime to focus…[Read more]