Cloaked Mystery

@jonas

Yeah, although in this story at least, I don’t find Adikar particularly interesting, he’s actually fairly flat. But he would probably be more interesting earlier in his career.

What I would want to see is his degradation into what he eventually became. It would have to be really subtle though, and feel like this could be a process that you…[Read more]

@jonas

Since they don’t displace air (before forgotten by me) it would be the sixth sense.

And yes, it is enhanced.

@jonas

A meme?…

Nahim, before he gets knocked out:

“Zahlin would help, I have no doubt.”

Nahim, after he gets knocked out:

“Zahlin has no loyalties but to himself and to that sword, he is not to be trusted.”

As far as picture goes…I have no idea. I don’t have a gift for memes. @highscribeofaetherium what do you suggest?

Finally!

@jonas @savannah_grace2009 @acancello @esther-c @highscribeofaetherium @keilah-h @anyone I forgot.

The moment everyone has been waiting for…

Fennin

Fennin, with long strides, walked to the center of a room like others, yet unlike. It was circular, with the same style of tree pillars and cliff-face walls, but in the center were young…[Read more]

@jonas

Sound good! And what did I miss about teams of two? I see them above, but what are they doing together?

@jonas

I’m assuming you meant ‘Nale’? I think you combined ‘Nale’ and Taln.

Whoops😅

Yeah, I think it might have been largely subconscious on my part, but I definitely see the similarities. What I find intriguing about my character is the differences from Nale or Szeth. The scene is obviously similar to when we first meet Szeth in SA, and the chara…

[Read more]

@esther-c

yeah, in fact, I need to write up a RP for Fennin about that.

Here is what @jonas said…

Nahim – Zahlin

Ellis – Ottoline

Kate – Nora

Snake – Kaine

Kari – Amir

Hugo – Hedieh

Those are the teams as they stand.

@jonas

Sounds good 👍

And did I see a post about the characters being in teams of two or something like that?

@jonas @highscribeofaethorium @everyone else

NAHIM

Nahim cast glances of bloody murder at Zahlin throughout breakfast, of which he ate none. He itched to go over and start the fight, but he would have to wait, unitil they were out of castle walls, Fennin would take the blame.

Ellis sat across from him, glancing up every once in a while. Nahim…[Read more]

@jonas I think it might depend on the location of each of the areas. For some of them, it might make more sense just to go straight to the next one without going back, but others (like you mentioned, the ocean) would make sense to come back first. Any artists on here want to draw a map?

@jonas I don’t mind the order!

@jonas

Probably back.

@jonas

Svlys

“What do we have here?”

Svlys turned towards the newcomer, feeling instant dislike. This woman was much more threatening than Fracture. She put a hand on her gun. “Who are you?” She asked.

@jonas

I don’t really want it.

@jonas

Interesting. I definitely get a better idea of the sword and Unspace from reading about it in your story. I like it. Kind of reminds me of Kingdom Tales and Halo mixed together. Have you ever heard of kingdom Tales?

@jonas

Well…that was intense.

Good job!

@jonas @highscribeofaetherium @rae

Fracture

He heard distant footsteps, but didn’t think much of them. He was too engrossed in his mourning ceremony to give them much thought.

That is, until someone nearly kicked him in the head.

“AAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!” He screamed, his voice cracking horribly halfway through his scream. He jumped to his feet,…[Read more]

@thearcaneaxiom @jonas

This is indeed a big change. You may be changing a bit too much, while change is good, you can halt your progress completely by making to many revisions (*says as if I wasn’t the most guilty of this exact thing). However, first person can help more with experiential writing, which I think is more your style anyways. I t…

[Read more]

@jonas

So this is essentially a Naln and Szeth character. I like how you added the Unspace sword you talked about earlier, and the price of hypocrisy was a good ending and theme. Great job!