Jane Maree

Okay @catwing, I’ve re-pasted this below for you to see if that works any better in your mind without changing any words.

Jack, Alex, Cele, John, Chase, and Amelia are not normal.

Even before they met a mysterious messenger, who says they have to save Allore by finding three jewels and giving them to the king. But the king was said to have…

[Read more]

@seekjustice You made sense. 😉 And yes, I agree. But not knowing who the main character(s) is/are (or if they’re all main characters), I didn’t comment on it.

@catwing a lot of people have already put in their opinions, but I just wanted to add my two cents worth. I personally think there are too many people mentioned in your blurb. Its confusing. I don’t know how you’ve written the story, but do you have one or two characters that are more main than the rest? If you do, I would rewrite it like…[Read more]

@catwing Yes, it is better. May I make a couple more suggestions? *does it anyway* 😉

I’d remove “you could even say they were abnormal” because it’s redundant with the previous sentence.
Good job using short sentences, but too many at once makes it too bitty – there’s a balance. 🙂
For example, the last two sentences. As written, they would read…[Read more]

GOODNIGHT, KINGDOM PEN!!!
I am going to bed.
My nice, soft, warm bed…..

@catwing I did a little editing. The first is your original, and the second is my edit version. Your version is a bit wordy and passive, with rather long sentences. Shorter sentence portrays tension and danger. Hope it helps. 🙂

You Were Called By The King
Jack, Alex, Cele, John, Chase, and Amelia are not normal. Even before they met a mysterious…[Read more]

I’m gonna tag @daeus because he’ll probably be able to tell you more than I can.

In my opinion, this is a bit too long, and it reveals a bit too much about the story. I can’t tell you how or where to cut, but that’s just my thought. You want to keep a bit of the story to reveal later, right?

Cool, @catwing! Hmmm…I think maybe you could either put another sentence at the end, or change that last sentence a little bit. It sounds sort of awkward (to me at least) when you say it out loud. Other than that, IT REALLY MAKES ME WANT TO READ IT!!!! Please finish it soon and publish it and let me read it!!!!

I….have all of those @allison-grace. Especially the one about the forums…I am currently (meaning right this very second) on KP, Aetherlight forums, and NaNoWriMo. My alternate realities keep getting tangled…

@allison-grace We all are. 😀

I actually wasn’t writing this whole time. Sorry…..

I think everyone makes great points about Luke as a character. And @salome01w4g I also like Han Solo.

@catwing @jane-maree I’m signing out now. I wrote 1085 and edited almost a chapter. Byeee!!!
*and then I shall makes some collages. Yessss..*

🐱🐉

@catwing Ew. Please cough. Just cough. Be human just this once.

@Jane-Maree Those hidden (or else, not so hidden—but still 😛 ) meanings are fun. 😀

@That_Writer_Girl_99 I see the point. What Kate said about character dynamic-ness and duplicity is right true though.
And honestly though, I think a bunch of my dislike for Luke comes from the bad acting. That he’s really poorly acted makes him a whole lot less…good in every way as a character. Which isn’t Luke’s fault, it’s Mark Hamil’s. XD If…[Read more]

@catwing *hands you cough medicine*

@jane-maree Those collages are super! I love that quote on the last one.

@Ethryndal Um…I came up with it off the top of my head, yes, though it’s hardly a stunning simile. XD I must’ve just been favored at the moment, because usually when I try to think up an appropriate metaphor—YEAH, I know how hard it is. Ugh. 😛

@That_Writer_Girl_99 *blinks* I don’t pat your head.

@Jane-Maree COOL. Is the girl’s last name…[Read more]