hanako

@rae

I read your scene, and overall, I think it’s really good. I’m not very good at critiquing, but I did want to mention just a couple things I noticed.

One, Mandin said it would take Nahim several minutes to defeat an opponent with a sword. Exchanges with swords actually usually last for a handful of seconds.

(Btw, do you have an in-…[Read more]

@ellette-giselle

Mm. Yeah, I guess it’s not bad at all then! 🙂🙂

@esther-c

Livia

“I’m an Aquino,” she shrugged. “I was born with it.”

She formed a miniature waterspout over her hands and watched it whirl, then letting it fall into a small puddle at her feet.

Don’t think I’ve posted this before, but have been wanting to.It’s the beginning scenes for Black Wolf, Green Eyes, Chase’s second novel idea. If you don’t know, Chase is a young man by now.

@freed_and_redeemed @savannah_grace2009 I have a Chase scene you may or may not have seen before

“You boys have five minutes to finish before we head out ag…

[Read more]

@ellette-giselle

woah….

It definitely does sound interesting.

I feel like them talking out all of their plans for a whole chapter/prologue isn’t the most… eye catching… at least in my opinion…

But then again, I feel like this could set up for the following chapter pretty well—especially if the next one jumps right in a bit.

I also agree with…[Read more]

@ellette-giselle

i like the story idea, but the tech level sounds to much like our time. I don’t get that sci-fi vibe from it.

Any books, movies, CDs, pictures, letters, or anything that in the least way suggested something that we don’t agree with will be

CD’s should not be mentioned. By 2065, those will be as unheard of in a household as c…[Read more]

I’ll post more scenes if I find any good ones.

@freed_and_redeemed @savannah_grace2009 @jonas @grcr @ellette-giselle @linus-smallprint @loopylin @whalekeeper @theshadow @highscribeofaetherium @idk

Hi. This is a scene from Guardians Angels. Criticism is requested and welcome.

Nahims sword sang as it sailed towards his opponent. The opponent blocked, swinging its second sword towards Nahim…

[Read more]

@ellette-giselle

Oh no! I’m so sorry again…

I need to spend some time with my sister, we’re about to do a Bible study!

I feel sooo bad, but I have to go….I’m sorry!

It’s writing nonstop until whatever time you set. Like I usually go for fifteen to thirty minutes, and write about 1-2K words if I get enough inspiration.

If you want, you can…[Read more]

@grcr

Aww thanks girl <3

@ellette-giselle

Don’t be sad!!!! I only thought of it because the whole scene felt winter and cold and dead to me. Like those feelings just mirrored Sef’s. It was you writing her so well that made me think of it. Actually, the other day i was thinking, “Man, she is so good! Look at hers compared to mine!” lol.

[Read more]

@ellette-giselle

Oh no I’m so sorry…I didn’t see this!!!

Could we maybe still do it now??

I understand if you can’t XD

@ellette-giselle

I like that!!!!!!

YES I WOULD LOVE TO SEE THE COVER

@savannah_grace2009

I like this chapter a lot! (And the one you shared before it—I meant to reply to that one but I didn’t have a moment 😅)

Cassian is a good friend! 😍❤️❤️

Um… I know you were asking Ellette… but I don’t think your chapters are cringey.

@ellette-giselle

I would love to! I don’t know if I’ll have much time but I’ll try!

@jonas

Yeah, you could do them as separate chapters, and that should work. But also, be careful about waiting too long before launching into the bulk of the story. I don’t believe we’ve even reached the inciting incident yet, and you don’t want the reader to be thinking “let’s just get on with it!” You probably still have a little bit of wiggle r…

[Read more]

@ellette-giselle

Ok, that was just a cringe for me me because of the way our country is trying to use that to justify some really horrid stuff. What if the line was,

“No, not like me,” Cass laughed. “Be like the Great One, Birdie.”

After all, Christ is our example.

Good point. I wasn’t trying to copy the people who are like “be yourself” or “fol…[Read more]

@savannah_grace2009

Yeah, you could do them as separate chapters, and that should work. But also, be careful about waiting too long before launching into the bulk of the story. I don’t believe we’ve even reached the inciting incident yet, and you don’t want the reader to be thinking “let’s just get on with it!” You probably still have a little…[Read more]

@jonas

Okay! I was just playing around with the idea of jumping ahead as quickly as possible yet keeping a few similarities. So should I made each it’s own chapter after adding more to it?

I could use them as flashbacks!

But idk, I also like them in my book…I have to think about that.

@savannah_grace2009

I think this chapter was good! The only feedback I have is that the time jump was pretty confusing. You do tell us that it’s three years later fairly early on, but for the first few sentences it’s confusing, because the setting is nearly the same as the first scene. The two scenes also feel pretty much unrelated to each other,…[Read more]

@grcr (CASSIAN SCENE ALERT) @ellette-giselle @esther-c @rae @jonas @whalekeeper @highscribeofatherium

This scene isn’t really edited either…

But let me know if it makes sense AT ALL

Chapter 5

Birdie

“I love birds,” Sef sang as she spread her arms wide, mimicking the birds soaring overhead, silhouetted against the bright blue sky.

She lov…[Read more]