hanako

@keilah-h @highscribeofaetherium

Skin walkers are from Native American mythology. If I remember correctly, they are cursed men/spirits who can shape shift into creepy animals. They harm humans, and while having a human form, their human form doesn’t look totally human. But the scariest thing at all is how hushhush the Natives are about them. The…[Read more]

@theducktator

Lol that first one XD

@keilah-h

I honestly don’t know much about them (I believe they’re from Native American mythology or something?), but the name instantly makes me think of the last place on the planet I’d ever want to go: Skinwalker Ranch (land of cryptid and UFO sightings, immortal zombie wolves, and balls of light that melt your dog [I really wish I was making…[Read more]

@freed_and_redeemed

I think you probably already thought of this, but Eric would probably try to frame Riker. Get Riker on everyone’s bad side.

Steal cigarettes and put them in Riker’s stuff. Dirty uniforms and leave some trace of Riker behind. Rummage belongings. That kinda stuff.

I think that could go under three of the bullet notes you have,…[Read more]

@freed_and_redeemed @jonas @whalekeeper @loopylin @keilah-h @theducktator

 
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@highscribeofaetherium @freed_and_redeemed @jonas @whalekeeper @loopylin @keilah-h @theducktator @whoever-cares

Yeah, I’m bothering everyone again. I like the idea of this scene, but I feel like it has some major problems. I want to see if any of you notice it, since I’ve found more than once that I stress over things that others are like “…[Read more]

@whalekeeper

Your post didn’t post

@loopylin

I love that. Looks amazing.

@theducktator

I kind of didn’t trust him. If he continued to be this kind I would come to love him though. I just have trust issues with nice characters. XD. They’re so often evil.

That cracked me up. Mostly from surprise. Mandin is nice like that all the time, with sparks of extreme loyalty readers see here and there at the right times. He als…[Read more]

@rae

The reason for this scene is to show struggle. Nahim has kept to himself a piece of his life that comes back to haunt him every other night for four years. I doubt anyone would suddenly spill it all out. And the disappointment is also kinda purposeful, but since this is the second chapter, it’s not too great.

Yeah, that makes sense, but I w…[Read more]

@whalekeeper

Tag didn’t work

@whalekeeper @loopylin

Chase

Chase reached into his pocket and silently pulled out his phone that he had grabbed from the floor before the three of them left the scene. He held it where the girl could see it, before sliding it back into his pocket.

“We, we need to…” He pointed to the doorway. “T-teachers, sta, stew, stu-dents find us.”

@everyone

Thanks for answering my questions, it meant a lot.

And yes, it is a violin.

@freed_and_redeemed

Yessssss, very much so! I really loved the body language and it really conveyed Nahim’s feelings/emotions/fears for sure!

Good. I was worried it was kinda unclear.

A Violinnnnnnnnn (and I was over here excited, like: HEYYY, RIKER PLAYS VIOLIN!! XD)

No way! That’s amazing! Idk even how to react, that’s just SO GREAT! And I’m o…[Read more]

@whalekeeper

Yep, makes sense. One thing that threw me out a little was how Nahim stuttered a bit, and his shivery response. I haven’t seen much of this character but for some reason I picture him as the stoic, silent warrior type. The stuttering especially sounds like a younger man or boy – the type like in Way of Kings, with the boy who was dra…

[Read more]

@rae

1. I don’t think the scene is too short. I do have to wonder if it is necessary though. It’s hard to say without context, but it doesn’t seem to move the plot forward really. I also would consider that the reader is likely expecting to hear Nahim’s backstory and feel like they’re being cheated out of it.

2. No, I think it’s fine.

3. Yes. I…[Read more]

@highscribeofaetherium @freed_and_redeemed @jonas @whalekeeper @loopylin @keilah-h @theducktator @whoever-cares

Hey,I need help knowing if this scene feels forced or anything.

The context is that Mandin invited Nahim to a festival that Mandin’s family was having, and Nahim promised to finally tell Mandin his traumatic backstory.

Evening came,…

[Read more]

@freed_and_redeemed

Yeah, I had to do this same thing last month… Poor Nahim was totally broken…

Anyways, what I personally did was not focus much on the physical, but went more for the thoughts and emotions of my MC. It was still awful, but not in a gruesome way.

I did mention the body language a couple times of the one being tortured, but…[Read more]