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Okay then… 🙂 I might as well just add both of the charries because I’m interested on how they’ll all interact with each other. If it gets to be too much, I’ll take one or two out!
So there’s Molly, who’s a runaway slave and has a fake/mechanical leg (made by Everett) that extends from her right knee down. She is seventeen and has brown skin, hair, and eyes. Since she loves sewing, her clothes are all self-made, using pieces of random clothing to make colorful, patchwork dresses.
And Xavier, who is the last surviving member of a tribe of magi that had amazing psychic powers, and he’s hiding from the hunters who killed his tribe. He’s deaf and communicates through his magical pet bird (yet to be named 🙂 …however I’m not sure I’ll include the bird on here.) And he uses sign language. His hair is long and white, pulled back in a ponytail, and his eyes are gray-blue. He’s tall, pale, and skinny…and I think that’s all ya need to know.
Apologies for the long descriptions! Let’s see how this goes!
Xavier
This was one of the times he was happy to be scrawny and lean. At least the tight, metal tunnel was tall enough for Xavier. At least their was enough air in it.
They had been crawling around for what felt like hours, with no destination in mind and no sense of direction. It was almost humorous how they were hiding in a leather trunk for one moment and then appeared to be in some sort of rat highway the next.
He was a bit freaked out by the strange way the metal panels in the walls contorted his reflection when he looked into them, but after a while, it didn’t seem to matter. His satchel was weighing him down from all the unnecessary stuff inside. His knees hurt from crawling.
He didn’t dare complain. The only real issue he was concerned about was Molly, trailing behind him. He kept glancing back every few minutes and she would give him a look either like, I’m fine, or, I’m tired but alive, or, If you look at me like that again I will make sure this metal labyrinth is the last thing you’ll ever see.
The last one was when she was really tired.
Something grasped Xavier’s ankle, and he whipped his head around to face Molly, hitting his head on the ceiling in the process.
Her expression of weariness had melted and in place was now worry and full awareness. She focused her big brown eyes on him and with her hands she signed one word.
Voices.
Xavier turned back around. There was a bend in the metal tunnel up ahead, and he could feel the quake from under his hands. The movement of people. Strangers.
How many? he asked Molly.
She shrugged. Three?
Well, Xavier knew there was no exit behind them. It seemed they had no choice but to meet with these strangers. So he kept moving forward.
The surprise was when he rounded the corner and made eye contact with one of the people.
And he grinned as he recognized the “stranger.”
Everett
“Everett!” Molly exclaimed, peeking around Xavier, who was smiling.
“Shhh!” he hissed, pushing past his companions and crawling up to his friends. “They don’t know my name.”
“You mean you told them to call you the Dark Player?” Molly spoke his alias dramatically, in a I’m-totally-making-fun-of-you way.
“I did,” Everett snapped. “But I guess it doesn’t matter anymore.” He turned to see the confused faces of his comrades. “They’re with me. This is Molly,” –she waved– “and Xavier,” –he just kept smiling.
“And, yeah,” Everett added. “I guess the secret’s out. My name’s Everett.”
Proverbs 16:2
@keilah-h @e-m-trepke @power
So… I have two other characters that I’d like to add because they could really use some character development, but I didn’t know if that would be too much…
I could take out my character I have now (Everett) and replace him with another. Or I could add both… I didn’t know what ya’ll thought. I just didn’t want it to get too confusing and thought I’d consult the group first. 🙂
Proverbs 16:2
That’s kinda funny–not really, being sick is not fun–but I was also sick last week. Glad to hear you are better! Also, I just thought it was amusing that you guys call Everett, “Dark,” to shorten his alias sometimes because he hates when people give him nicknames. 🙂
Anyway…!
Everett
He side-glanced his companions. Should he volunteer himself? He had no doubt he could lift Feather–if she was anything like her name, it would be a piece of cornbread–but how much did he want to reveal about his unusual strength?
Feather didn’t appear to be heavy, but her armor could add some extra weight. If Everett pretended to struggle a bit, it should look natural. And he was shorter than the majority of the group, yet Feather seemed tall enough to reach the vent.
With no reason to decline, he adjusted his eye patch and stepped forward. “I can give you a lift, darling.”
No sooner had he spoken, a sound like a rusted crank echoed through the small room.
Everett instinctively whirled to face the holes in the walls. Sure enough, water was started to pour in. He had to hide his relief. It’s only water, he thought. But water still had the ability to be destructive.
“Let’s make this quick,” he said, bending down directly under the vent.
Proverbs 16:2
Apologies for the late response! My cousins were visiting all week! 🙂 I’m going to assume it’s alright if I take a turn since no one else has yet!
Everett
An ice crystal slid down his sleeve and fell to the dirty tile beneath his feet. The room their group had evacuated into was significantly warmer than the hallway of ice.
However, this room was smaller, and had no doors except the one they had entered, and Everett could still hear the ice monster prowling behind it.
The only light source was a single bulb hanging from the high ceiling, a thin rope hanging from it.
He saw several holes scattered among the walls and his stomach dropped. Another shiver passed through him, but it had nothing to do with the cold.
There was a drain a few feet away from where he stood. Everett tried not to look at it.
“Now what?” Rinzler asked.
“It’s…some kind of torture chamber…” Everett whispered to no one in particular. Out of all places, why did he have to end up here? The room resembled the place they took Daren… He never wanted to relive that nightmare again.
His mother had been taken there too…but he had been unsuccessful in reaching her in time.
Everett paced closer to one hole. “It probably pours out water or a poisonous gas…” he said, hopefully. If it was anything like the torture camps in his world, it would be a lot worse. They needed to get out of there–fast.
There was a vent on the ceiling near the light bulb, but the rope was too thin for them to climb. “Let’s look for a way outta ‘ere,” he instructed his comrades.
Proverbs 16:2
Everett
When Hesh reached for his dagger, Everett did the same. These “statues” were strangely placed, almost strategically.
Whoever had placed them, had been expecting guests.
He clutched his dagger, trying not to shake too hard, and followed the group deeper into the freezing corridor. The animals were growing more foreign to Everett the farther he stepped. Feather and Hesh had pointed out a few creatures from their world, and Rinzler kept bringing up some fellow that apparently had a passion for ice. But if there were animals from their worlds…
He almost jumped as he spotted the serpent, coiled in the corner. It reminded him of the water beast–was it called a leviathan?–his crew had encountered once during a storm at sea. The sight of the creature made him more alert. He had to be ready for anything.
A line traced along one of the walls and around the top in an arch. Wood textured the the surface beneath the layer of ice. A door.
Everett seemed to be the first to notice it, so he shuffled up and tugged on the handle. His companions watched in curiosity.
“It’s frozen shut,” he confirmed when it didn’t budge. Then he took another look down the hall, and sure enough, dozens of doors lined the walls as far as the eye could see. The end of the corridor was obscured by a cold, white fog, making it hard to tell if there was actually an exit at the end.
“Alright,” he turned to Rinzler. “Can your fancy discs slice our way out of here?” Everett motioned towards the door.
Rinzler was about to reply just before they heard a shivering growl behind them…
So much for being ready for anything.
Proverbs 16:2
Everett
He was about to ask why in the world they wanted to entering a room covered head to toe in ice. But Feather had said in her world, they stored food in machines like this to keep them fresh. Brilliant! Perhaps they’d find something to eat..?
All his hope evaporated as he followed the others through the large door. The temperature dropped to the ten’s, maybe even below zero.
Icicles jutted out of the ground like stalagmites in a cave. They hung over their heads too, and Everett suddenly felt paranoid and steered around them. He couldn’t shake away the feeling one would fall at any moment.
As they shuffled farther into the room, he started to shiver. He had never been in an atmosphere so cold, but he already couldn’t stand it. His hands were growing numb, he could see his breath, he was sure his lips were blue.
A breeze passed over them, sending Everett tugging his thin jacket tighter. He stumbled and reached out to grab the nearest solid object. His hand grabbed a table, and his first reaction was, WOW THAT’S COLD! Then he realized it was also covered in a layer of ice and frost. Frozen chairs surrounded it, and a chandelier was iced over, mid-swing, above them.
He turned to his companions, his patience drained. “Who has an entire season stored in their dining room?!”
But they weren’t looking at him. Everett followed their shocked gazes and turned around to come face to face with a pair of deadly black eyes.
He jumped back, thankful that the creature didn’t move with him. It was frozen in place–some kind of tiger or panther maybe? Nonetheless, it was frightening.
Proverbs 16:2
Everett
Everett worked his jaw as he weighed his options. He was starving and dehydrated, and exhaustion was creeping up on him. Perhaps this was one of those times it didn’t matter whether he could trust people or not. Did he have a choice?
He tried to remember whether he had left a dagger in his satchel or not, and if he should strap it to his belt. But perhaps he shouldn’t let them know he was armed.
But if he kept it hidden, would he be able to reach it in case of an emergency?
From the way Rinzler acted, Everett could tell he was rather defensive than offensive, but it could be an act. He hid his fear rather well–Everett had to give him credit for that.
Hesh seemed to keep his guard up, not unlike Everett.
On the other hand, Feather seemed ready to trust him the minute he dropped from the window. She reminded him of someone…
He shook his head.
“I guess I could stand to get out of this eerie hallway,” he told Feather, pushing off the wall. “Lead the way.”
Will your charries be joining us?
That list is very helpful! I was wondering who was all on here and how many characters! 🙂
Proverbs 16:2
Sorry for the late response!!! 🙂
Everett
“Judging from your question,” Feather asked, “you don’t happen to be the castle’s owner or know who it is?”
Everett forced himself to stop glaring at Rinzler and look at the girl instead, but the guy’s grouchy voice still rang through his head– if I hadn’t already realized you’re completely foreign, I would’ve thought you were from my world…
Now he felt the gears shifting and clicking in his mind. He thought about the fellow’s bizarre outfit and the metallic disks he carried. How did they work? Could they really hurt someone? Was it some kind of magnetically engineered system Everett’s world had yet to discover? And was his armor–?
He mentally slapped himself.
Not now! he told his curiosity.
But HOW. DOES. IT. WORK? his curiosity whined.
Everett bit his tongue to keep from asking a stupid question. He focused on the girl, who was staring at him, expectantly. What had she said again? He restrained his longing to know why her armor was covered by colorful speckles and reviewed their conversation. Should he tell the truth?
Did he have anything to lose?
His hand flew to his satchel.
Yes, he did.
So perhaps if he played the right move in the game, they’d let him stick around longer. He didn’t know who the owner of the castle was, but he wasn’t about to let them know that.
“I don’t have to tell ya,” Everett replied. “Doubt it would help with our predicament anyway.”
He studied the group again, noting they weren’t complaining about lack of water or food (Hesh and Rinzler looked like the type to complain about such things), so they must have found a source or had some on hand.
Everett didn’t like to be the one answering questions. It was time to flip the table.
“Now you tell me,” he added, carefully. “What’s a fellow got to do around here to not starve to death?!”
Proverbs 16:2
Wow! That’s such a cool idea!
I wish I could help more but I just don’t know how! I feel like I would need to know more about the twins and how the actual magic system works with the whole “opposites and double gifted” thing.
I’m still trying to figure out how to display the themes in my book, but one of the best pieces of advice I’ve heard is to show the theme through the plot points of your story. So like the events that occur should either reflect your theme or go against it, causing a striking contrast and now your characters have to deal with it in a way that shows off your point.
Perhaps then you need to have the students play more of an important part in the plot and story as a whole. They can still be side charries, but maybe if you include them a bit more, or make them do something when the mentor slips up (which he will or should because no one is perfect), they can act along with the theme and bring it to the readers attention???
Idk, XD just trying to help! Like I said, we are kind of in the same boat…
Proverbs 16:2
Yay! Another character! Can I have a brief description?? It sounds like maybe another character from the Star Wars universe, but I could be wrong..? Also, I like the mysterious ‘dark past’ vibes!
Once again, I mean no disrespect! I apologize for my character’s attitude, and I think you guys’ charries are awesome! 🙂
Everett
“You can call me Hesh.”
Everett turned around to see another boy glaring at him.
Hesh? Rinzler? Feather? Were parents just getting tired of naming their children or…
If Everett had to guess, the guy standing next to Hesh had to be something real brilliant, like Kent.
Not that he thought his own name was much better–hence why he went by a questionable alias–but just wow. All names aside, though, he could tell this Hesh fellow had to be a little more like himself.
Which meant he was hiding something.
So they all seemed to be trapped here, they all wanted to leave, and they all had no idea where they were.
Splendid. Just absolutely terrific.
He adjusted his expression into mere nonchalance, barely giving Hesh a passing glance. Then to no one in particular he asked, “How long have you all been here?”
Proverbs 16:2
Well, I guess I shouldn’t say all the secrets, but hopefully more! There is supposed to be a tenth book that I think will be the last one…
Sophie isn’t my favorite either, but I definitely admire that she isn’t perfect. I think that makes her realistic. My favorite character is Keefe! 🙂
Yes! I’m finding out the more I build up a world, the more fun it is to explore!
Who (if you have one) is your favorite character in KotLC??? And what is your all-time favorite book or series????
Proverbs 16:2
Oh, that’s such a smart idea! 🙂 I’ve heard of Tron before but have yet to actually watch it!
Everett
Their worlds? Different worlds? Several worlds? Different universe? Worlds converging?
Everett tried to keep up his smirk, but with every word this girl–Feather–said, he felt the corners of his mouth drooping more and more. He was forming a headache from so much new information… and probably still his dehydration.
If he was in a different world… first, how did that happen? One moment, he was falling into the sea. The next, he was in a whole different universe!
And second, how would he get back to his crew? He had no idea how long he had been gone. Were they worried about him?
The last thing he recalled was Daren’s shocked expression as she watched him tumble into the waves. Was she okay?
Everett swallowed back all his questions, focusing on what he already knew. He glanced at the guy behind him. Feather had said this fellow’s name was Rinzler. From the glare he was giving Everett, Everett took note that he seemed rather protective of Feather and saw Everett as a threat.
Good. That was better than being looked at as a target for a thief.
He came to the conclusion that in order to get back to his world, Everett would have to learn more about this one first.
Perhaps that started with getting to know these strange people.
“Alright, then,” he said to both of them. “Where I come from, they like to call me… the Dark Player.”
But that didn’t mean he had to trust them.
Proverbs 16:2
Hmmmm…. I like this topic, first off, because I also have some underdeveloped side characters, so I can relate.
Because of that, however, I may not be the most helpful, but I will try to offer some advice. I also think I remember you referring to this story about the mentor. But I don’t know much more that that so just keep that in mind! It’s a very cool story, though!
First, what are their personalities like? Perhaps one of your students is more mature or learns faster. Perhaps they even assist the other when they see they need help??
Perhaps one of them are a bit reluctant to change the world? Maybe they like their life and don’t see how others around them are suffering or the unfairness in society? Maybe they need a little taste of what it’s like in someone else’s shoes.
Maybe one student has a personal issue that’s being publicly addressed at the time, and they feel driven to do something about it.
Perhaps one of them is set on changing the world, but either doesn’t know where to start, or is a little too impulsive and has to learn that there is a lot more effort and planning that goes on if you really want to make a change.
Maybe one struggles with secret doubts that they will never be good enough to make a stand. Maybe they are to embarrassed or shy to stand up for what they believe.
Perhaps they unknowingly are making a change, whether they intend to or not. Maybe it’s not the world-changing, mind-blowing thing they were going for, but it still counted even if it was small. Like the boy on the side walk they said hi to every morning becomes a revolutionary leader because they gave him the motivation from that single-hand wave everyday?
Something like this could make for an interesting plot twist????
I think it would be fun to experiment and write several different scene where one character makes a change–big or small. I’m not if any of this helped or not, but I hope you eventually find what you want!
Proverbs 16:2
