Karina Sanchez

Yep, it was Dumas. 😛

I don’t think it’s bad at all to steal other author’s styles— it’s a definite feather in your cap if you can pull it off.

I can’t.

So I’m stuck with inventing my own style.

Ho-hum.

😛

Yup. Light you know.

Well, it depends on the way you say it I guess, but when I read/say it, it really jumps out at me and creates a disconnect with the rest of the line.

Could laser beams be deflected by mirrors?

@hope Those are some great points. Thanks.

Actually Kate, I really don’t know which author you refer to, but I have no problem stealing other people awesomeness – if it is awesomeness. It might be a bad author. I hope not. But I’m gonna guess Dumas just because I used french names. But of course that’s because this takes place in France. I was stuck.

What? What did I do?

Thanks David. I’ve got it now.

When your five year old sister asks you, out of the blue, ‘Why are all writers crazy?’…

… you know you’re a writer.

Hey, we could turn this thread into a book. ‘The Aspiring Writer’s Guide to the Ins and Outs of a True Writer’s Life— are you, or are you not?’

Here I am at last, Daeus! Sorry— busy day.

As a whole, this passage is much, much better. You seem to be great with dialogue— wonderful for a beginner. I love the whole thing about doing things and doing nothings— so fun. This guy telling the story is a great character.

I would definitely work with the commas, as you pointed out, and as…[Read more]

A, yeah, question mark. That. Thanks for the encouragement Sarah.

…We’re

Gasp! Were discovered!

Sorry about the lack of commas. Apparently that’s another thing I need to watch for.

Thanks Kate, that was very helpful. Hopefully my other excerpt will help you see what problems I have everywhere and which are just sporadic. Do you think two is enough, or should I add another one?

Point four especially hit me as being true. Point one is definitely a problem for me, but I think that is partially a reaction to how I used to never…[Read more]

First, let me say I really liked it how you took a Dickensian twist to the street and identified each house or building by its shrubbery. That was so cool.

Most of what I have to criticize (that’s such a harsh word) has to do with style. Now. The butchery.

I had a lot of the problems I’m seeing here when I started out, so I was able to recognize…[Read more]

maybe they could be set up so you could drive them into the water and they’d submerge and slip in or out of places that way

Oh, yes. Make them submarine cars so they can dive to the bottom of a lake or just go across it (and maybe they could even have a secret base at the bottom of the lake). The cars could also have hovering capabilities so if t…[Read more]