Ellie Wingfeather

@ellette-giselle

Lesson learned… I guess I have to add you every time. Unless you were using a different account?

@ellette-giselle

Yayy!!!

Hmm… they are reminding me of Sabina and Turin a little. More closed-off, not believers, smaller family who probably went through some grief. I’m excited to learn more about them. I feel like the father is already suspicious of them… meaning he might be really opposed when they bring up God… but Liesl will probabl…[Read more]

Chapters 5 and 6 are out! Same link as last time…

https://docs.google.com/document/d/1iTo1_yooHUC67Ve8ddKn2gCS0rK_fjpc0kh_NJu3Sig/edit

@whalekeeper @ellette-giselle @koshka @raxforge @theshadow @anyone-else

@ellette-giselle

Okay!

@theshadow

First, have to clear out all of the uh… wonderful writing before posting it.

XD

Lol, I was rewatching an episode from Martha Speaks (I don’t care if it’s for kids it’s one of the greatest shows ever), and this line really spoke to me.

Oh my goodness *brings back memories* We used to love that show.  But I don’t remember that line, sadly xD

@whalekeeper

I’ll be praying for you as well!

@stephie

That’s great!! 😊

@theshadow

Yeppp!!!

@ellette-giselle

*randomly pops in*

Maybe having Leon point that out would help readers realize it more?

@elishavet-pidyon

I liked how you had Neveah try to combat the lie, and it’s obvious it’s for Sef’s sake, not her own. To make this sequence really work, maybe make Sef think her Mani is just trying to save herself – it’s not a lie about Sef, but it would make the former lie hit home. Make her really crumble since the last thing keeping the lie f…

[Read more]

@elishavet-pidyon

wowww…that’s a lot to think about and really helpful!!! Thank you!

Here’s a little background on that scene…

yes, I know it is very sloppy and not perfect (I just wrote it literally today)

but here’s the cliffnotes:

• Sef is a slave of Iver, who is a Pythonos.
• Sef and Iver are currently in the throne room of the Master, leader of all Pythonos
• Iver has applied for a military position, and the Master is…

[Read more]

@the_lost-journal

WHATTT
the chosen makes me wanna cry

it’s so good!!!! they portrayed it so well in my opinion hahaha

it’s my FAVORITE show of all time hahaha

@elishavet-pidyon

YES those are what I’m looking for!!!!
I will definitely be using those later in my book…

But I’m struggling with a specific scene where I need a lie XDXD and none of these seem to fit…

“Well, what are you waiting for?” the Master spat, motioning for Iver to continue. “You may begin whenever you are ready.”

Sef’s knees sho…

[Read more]

@linus-smallprint

Okay good lol

Also, Paynes cannot become Pythonos because of genetics, but I’m not sure how to incorporate that in the book quite yet…don’t worry though, I’ll make that clearer in other drafts.

@esther-c

Okay perfect! Thank you!

@the_lost-journal

Aw I’m glad <3

Some of those were lies. what do you mean? You yourself said that they were lies.

yes, they are lies…

But they’re not the type of lies in my story…

agh I don’t know how to explain it, I’m sorry!!

@the_lost-journal

omc…you’re gonna make me cry…that’s so sad! I’m so sorry that people said that to you…I hope you know it’s not true and that NO ONE should EVER talk that way to another person! That makes me really mad actually, like why do people have to be so mean?!?

so I have experience with a lot of insults!

Unfortunately, though those…[Read more]

@trailblazer

It needs to be lies that affect the way you think…but shorter. Like “you are nothing” will have more impact than “you are ugly/not beautiful” will…

I’m not really sure how to explain it, but I’m looking for short lies, not so much longer insults.

@linus-smallprint

Yes, but she didn’t become a Pythonos.

The Pythonos were going to take her mani for slavery and imprisonment.

Sef took her place as a slave.

@jonas

Don’t worry about it! That’s okay!

@linus-smallprint

Oh that’s okay!!!

Sef turns herself into the Pythonos

Wait, hold up…

Sef doesn’t turn into the Pythonos…she is enslaved by the Pythonos. I thought I made that clearer but if not can you give me suggestions to help with that? I don’t want to confuse anyone XD