Ellette Giselle

@ellette-giselle

As I mentioned in the first chapter, they are the elite soldiers, and in this time it was actually one of their jobs to hunt down the Christians and discover their hiding places, their beliefs, and what they were up to. So, he would know a lot.

Ohh okay, that makes a lot of sense now. I probably should have remembered that 😅

I…[Read more]

@ellette-giselle

I always find my first chapter the roughest.

Same, first chapters are hard.

I liked the second chapter, Marcus’ struggle is interesting. One thing though is that there are a lot of adverbs, and I think you could show a bit more body language to communicate how a character is coming off as (you don’t have to get rid of every sin…[Read more]

@ellette-giselle

Apparently my thing didn’t post (gee, thanks Wyoh) but I think changing the fountain scene like Trailblazer and Savannah said sounds good. I thought the scene was fun though.

Oh NO!! I did! That’s awfull!!! That is so, so bad!! Ahhh!! (Maybe I overreacted, but that is a REAL pet peeve of mine!) Thank you for catching tha…

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@ellette-giselle

Ah, sorry! I was just saying it was funny, not really saying to keep it or not, lol. If you were gonna change it, that’s cool too! I might not have caught something in the earlier messages. Maybe that makes sense? Lol, sorry, I didn’t mean to be confusing! 😓😅

(looks like I’m late to the party lol)

@ellette-giselle

I like the second version better, too, and the fountain/sword scene was funny! 😄

@trailblazer

Lol! XD

@ellette-giselle

Yeah, sorry if I went a little overboard on the critiques lol

I know I’m not the best at giving advice…sorry

@ellette-giselle

Yeah…I bet you two will get along just fine XDXDXD

@ellette-giselle

Ok I love what @savannah_grace2009 just said about doing the whole colosseum scene first- that makes a lot of sense!

As far as the fountain scene, I think you could maybe still incorporate that later- maybe not the swordfighting, but perhaps during their conversation they’re sitting outside and the teasing turns into wrestling…[Read more]

@ellette-giselle

Just now saw your updated version- I love that fountain scene at the beginning! It made me smile because I can easily see my brothers doing that!

Julius inwardly berated himself for failing in such a simple thing.

This is just something I thought of as I was reading through- maybe instead of telling us Julius inwardly berated…[Read more]

@ellette-giselle

I haven’t come across anything with Leon, Riker, sand Hans that people died in. am I missing something?

Leon, Riker, and Hans are Freedom’s characters from her novels. She posts really, really, really sad scenes from her books in the forums (usually The Chat Chat) that make @rae cry…(actually they make a lot of us cry :/)

YES T…[Read more]

@ellette-giselle

However, if Marcus came off as too young in y’all’s opinion then I can tone him down into a more mature guy. what do y’all think?

Hmm… I do have two younger brothers who are teenagers, but maybe they’re more chill than other guys their age. They do pick on each other and get on each other’s nerves, but in the case of someo…[Read more]

@ellette-giselle

Hey, look at that! You tagged someone! Yay!

I think you’re saying you read all the blog posts, correct? Not all the posts in the forums- because that would take an insane amount of time.

@ellette-giselle

So far, I was interested in what was happening in the book and what would happen next. Here are a few things I noticed though:

When you explained the setting and time, I think it could be done as maybe a prologue or background before the book begins (like in an “intro” or “a note to the reader” type of thing).

I noticed also th…[Read more]

@ellette-giselle

This is interesting so far! I love the idea of a historical fiction set in those earlier years! I also like your whole colosseum scene.

The main things I’m looking for at the moment would be is it intriguing, have I got a good first chapter hook. Are the characters defined, are you interested in them yet. etc. Basically all the t…

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@ellette-giselle

Ok, these are just some of my initial thoughts as I was reading through it.

– I liked the action scene where the boys are watching the fighting; that drew me in. I’d say the first part of the chapter didn’t pull me in as quickly, though. Some of the dialogue felt a little bit like it was just there to fill in the story. I know…[Read more]

@ellette-giselle

OK, fun fact, I have read everything on here from day one of Kingdom Pen!! (It was a lot to read but completely worth it!)

Even all that cringy writing I posted two years ago?? 🫠🫣

What does everyone do on here beside waiting to ambush new members with a slew of questions?

😂😂

post scenes and break hearts. That’s what I do. And…[Read more]

@ellette-giselle

You could put however much you want to in there! If you’re doing more than a chapter at a time, it might be easier to just put a link to a document in there (if you’re okay with that), but when I did it, I just did sections at a time (I didn’t have them portioned into chapters yet, just scenes). It’s really however you want to do it.

@ellette-giselle

So wait, I could submit a book I’m working on in one of the Forums and y’all would give me feedback!

Yes! 😊😊

I am always looking for honest critiques and it’s hard to find someone that will do it because they are all afraid of hurting my feelings. Even though I tell them that it’s not hurting but helping. I think it’s just a th…

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@ellette-giselle

Aww thank you!!!

If you want to officially submit a story to KP, like I did on the website, you don’t even have to be a member or create an account to do that. So yes, you can submit one at any time!

If you want to just post a story for fun or critiques by anyone on KP, you don’t have to have a rank either…just make a new…[Read more]

@ellette-giselle

So, I’m interested in this character RP thing. How would I go about joining that! I think it would be a lot of fun.

Have you looked at any of the other forum topics yet? If you find one with RP in the title, you can look at the first page to see what it’s about. It depends on the RP, but some of them people sort of jump in and d…[Read more]