Ellette Giselle

@theshadow

I’m glad I’m not the only one who struggles with first chapters.

Oh dear, yeah, I had better use some body language. thanks for catching that. I’ll go back and hit some of those scenes!!!

Your right, if Ignatius was a normal guard. but, Ignatius is a Prætorian. As I mentioned in the first chapter, they are the elite soldiers, and in…[Read more]

@theshadow

Haha, no, I cannot stand repeated words! It’s like nails on the chalkboard!

Alrighty then, I’ll swap that scene around.

How is the second chapter? Better then the first? I always find my first chapter the roughest.

Ok y’all, here’s chapter two!!

 
Chapter 2
 

“Marcus. Marcus, can you hear me?”

Marcus slowly looked up. “What?”

“Marcus, what is wrong with you?” asked Julius. His tone was playful, but his green eyes held a hint of worry.

Marcus sighed and rubbed a hand over his face. “I don’t know. I’m fine. I guess I was just thinking.”

“Abou…[Read more]

@grcr

No problem. Someone else mentioned it seemed out of place, and maybe use a part of it later.

Glad it was funny though!

Ok, in just a sec I’ll send chapter two. Let me skim it real quick to make sure there aren’t any horrid errors that are clearly visible. lol.

@grcr

So keep the fountain sword scene or not? Now I’m confused. lol.

@savannah_grace2009

No your suggestions are amazing! They are just what I have been looking for!

@savannah_grace2009

Ok then. No worries. I’ll split it up. Right now this is just ideas. I mean, you guys are seeing this stuff literal the minute after a type the last word of the chapter. One I get farther into it I’ll have a more concrete setup.

@trailblazer

Awesome!! I’m glad you like the new beginning!

I should have chapter two out here in a few.

Oh good idea. I’ll do that with the thought thing.

@savannah_grace2009

Ooo!!! I like Freedom already!!! I love really sad scenes and doing bad things to characters. It’s all for a purpose of course, and it needs to be done. But…… it’s also fun to watch readers cry. lol.

@trailblazer

Ok, thanks! Haha, maybe my brothers and their friends are more wild, but it’s younger or older brother annoying each other around here. lol.

What did you think of the rewrite? was that better? I tried to make a few things a little clearer and also add some action in the beginning. If you still think it doesn’t build enough action…[Read more]

OK, I went ahead and rewrote some stuff in the first chapter. is this better? (I put the new stuff in bold so y’all don’t have to read the whole chapter over again.)

 
Chapter 1
Julius ducked a blow aimed for his head. He jumped back a step as his opponent quickly followed up the swipe with a thrust toward his chest. The enemy stumbled slightly…[Read more]

@trailblazer

Yes. All the blog posts. sorry for the confusion. lol.

YAY!!! I thought I’d give that a shot and see if that was what y’all meant for me to do. Now that i see it was and how easy it is I bet y’all were laughing because I was making it so over complicated. lol.

WOW!! Thank you all! This is so helpful!

OK, I’ll mention the thing about the gods first. So, in the time of Nero things were starting to slip. There were many, many slaves who had come from wars, and a lot of their religion, or lack thereof, had started to rub off. There were several emperors after Nero who wanted to “reclaim the glory of…[Read more]

@freed_and_redeemed

Yes, even all the “cringy posts” Which I actually didn’t find a tone of “cringy” ones. I was reading stuff back from 2010 or 2011, depending on when Kingdom Pen started. I actually fell for whoever’s April fools joke it was to say that Kingdom Pen was closing down!! I was reading and it was saying that this had been closed…[Read more]

WOW!! awesome! Thank you so much for y’all’s help. I only have one chapter in a place where I would call it more then ideas. (I just started the book today. I’ll have to put more of it there later. I can’t wait to hear feedback from other authors!

Ok, so, sorry if it seems like I’m asking the same thing over again, but this seems a little too good to be true. lol.

So, i am currently writing a novel right this minute. If I created a WIP in the novel critiques section, could I put the first chapter there and y’all give me feedback, and then the second chapter and so forth, or is that not…[Read more]

Oh yes, thank you.

So wait, I could submit a book I’m working on in one of the Forums and y’all would give me feedback! That’s awesome!! I am always looking for honest critiques and it’s hard to find someone that will do it because they are all afraid of hurting my feelings. Even though I tell them that it’s not hurting but helping. I think it’s…[Read more]

Yes I did look through some of the topics, but I saw none with RP in the tittle. I guess I just haven’t learned all the navigation yet.

I give up on the tag thing. I hate tech.

Ohhhh, haha! That makes more sense. I was wondering what the ranks meant.

OK, fun fact, I have read everything on here from day one of Kingdom Pen!! (It was a lot to read but completely worth it!)

Yes! I did read that story! It was really good!

So, I’m interested in this character RP thing. How…[Read more]