Destiny

I’m here. @winter-rose

Okay. So…instead of showing her thoughts, show her actions, emotions, and thoughts simultaneously. Easy as pie.

Why do we say that anyway? Pie is actually very complicated?

@kate-flournoy

Now I’m hungry.

Well, to be honest, I didn’t know what was happening. It seemed rather vague. I wasn’t sure why the two boys were outside their house, or why they were afraid of going back in.

Maybe, since you have a few words left, you could tweak it a bit to explain what’s going on? @dragon-snapper

@that_writer_girl_99 What about the beginning confused you? What do you think could be done to make it more clear?

@elly I’m sorry for my lateness. I guess you could say that I’m toast. 😛
Anyways…welcome to the forum, enjoy the fun, and watch out for dragons. 😛

Wow! This is actually pretty neat, Snapper!

Admittedly, I didn’t know what was going on for the first part of the story, but the final paragraphs really tied everything together. Birds. I LOL-ed.

I like the different forms of alliteration here. Your descriptions were very crisp and clear; I could easily visualize what was happening.

I don’t…[Read more]

@lola-jane I’m late…*sniff sniff* I’m sorry.
Anyways…HELLO! *blows you away with giant dragon hello!*
Do you play any instruments?

@f5a8c3e92 (sorry, just trying to tag you. 😛 )
Nuts. Did I really type the title as Shorty?
@daeus Are you able to make it ‘Short Story-Mystery’ ? 😛

@f5a8c3e9

@f5a8c9e3

I have no words @kate-flournoy Thank you.

I’m signing off. @daeus

Yeah. I did.

That’s great, Kate, but it isn’t me. I didn’t write that, and I don’t think I can right now. I’m not that good.

I get the point you’re trying to make, though. @kate-flournoy

Chapter Three:
As I walk briskly down the hall, the lights above me dim. The flickering bulbs cast an eerie, ominous splash of ashy gray on the pale walls. My footsteps are the only sound I hear.
Clip, thump, clip, thump, clip, thump.
“Is he insane?!”
Well. That escalated quickly.
The sudden shout makes my heart leap into my chest, and…[Read more]

I need help. *glances wearily at the novel excerpt forum so we don’t disturb @daeus*
@kate-flournoy

I need help. *glances wearily at the novel excerpt forum so we don’t disturb @daeus*

Excellent point. @daeus

Ugh. I’m trying to write, but my brain is full of ideas and I can’t quite make sense of them all. Kate, dear, are you on? @kate-flournoy

I thought you’d come back already. No apparating inside of Kingdom Pen, @Daeus !