CanadaLily

@ellette-giselle

The only thing I would say was when it said Cassian “ran, trying to outrun himself”

Actually it was “Cassian ran, trying to outrun time itself”.

That still might grate a little bit because of ran/outrun, so I changed it a little bit.

Also, from the perspective of someone who doesn’t know the full story and really is like a reade…

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@everyone

Sorry for not getting back to you guys! I admit I did get a little overwhelmed…WHY ARE THERE SO MANY HOLES IN MY STORY LIKE DOES IT SUCK THAT MUCH????

Such is life XD

Don’t worry…you guys are helping me a lot! I’m a sensitive person and writing’s something really close to my heart so when I get all these things I’m doing wrong I…[Read more]

@ellette-giselle

I read the last two chapters and that hit me hard too!!!

I almost cried….😭😭😭💔💔

I need to read it all the way through again!

You have a beautiful story and I can’t wait to see what God does with it!

(And I understand perfectly about why you started before Marcus converted, it makes sense now!)

@ellette-giselle

I’d join too…except I don’t write enough to have a competition XDD

@grcr

Thank you!!! <3

@rae

I didn’t know Sef and Lilitu knew each other that long!

Yeah me neither… 

I just came up with it as I was writing it XD

DROPPING THE NEXT CHAPTER!!!

Just so you know, it’s not edited…heh…heh…

so just bear with me XD

Tags: @jonas @grcr @esther-c @highscribeofaetherium @ellette-giselle @rae @and-my-brain-stopped-working

“Please! Someone help me!” Neveah gasped for breath, frantically scanning the crowds for a familiar face.

Where could Sef have gon…

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@freed_and_redeemed

I mean like I’m one to talk… XD

I’m surprised no one’s called the Character Exploitation Hotline on me yet…

@ellette-giselle

Chapter four was really smooth and was a lot easier to follow! I don’t have hardly any comments.

Except maybe one thing…maybe give more detail about why Julius is so mad that Marcus is missing. It just kind of shows Julius “throwing a fit” for no apparent reason. Maybe show us his thoughts about why is is scared/angry and…[Read more]

@ellette-giselle

I am so sorry…I just can’t keep up with the ammount of chapters you write

That’s insane XD XD

I will try to go over chapter 3/4 soon, I forgot where I left off!!

But about the plot, I was just wondering what your storyline looked like.

I was concerned that you might not have enough plot for a full novel, but since it’s a…[Read more]

@jonas

Okay, that explanation works. However, this being the first chapter and all, readers will assume that that is just an innate characteristic of Paynes. Furthermore, Kratos shouldn’t expect the smell, and you might want to make him remark to himself about it.

Okay good point XD XD

Unless… How do you want the other Andromedan races to come acr…

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@freed_and_redeemed

WHYYY

@whalekeeper

Thank you for everything Whaley!! This means a lot <3

Both ways work well!! Whatever makes more sense to you; I’m just throwing random ideas to help you brainstorm

Ohhhh gotcha! Thanks XD

I think what Jonas was mentioning (please correct me if I’m wrong!) is before, there was some moral grayness and room for human variation, esp…

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@theshadow

Well…look at my novel!

It has several dark elements, like child abuse, child neglect/abandonment, murder, evil guys running the world, hatred, prison camps, etc.

But the reason these elements are in my story is because my story is an allegory about Light and Darkness, good and evil!

I think your story is fine (unless you’re…[Read more]

@whalekeeper

The greatest enjoyment I got from the prologue was the twist from ‘we’re doing this to save the baby’ to ‘what’s this baby doing here?’ That was great.

Really?!?! That’s awesome…I guess I’m keeping it now XD XD

You should think about how strong of an allegory you want. Once you say Jesus, all readers will know this is a Christian a…

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@jonas

Wow…this is a lot to think about and really helpful! Thank you!!

I don’t think there’s anything wrong with it as it is, it really evokes a certain mood, and has really strong imagery.

Okay good XD

Yeah, the first line of the book is always the hardest because that’s how the readers decide whether or not to keep reading!

These three par…

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@rae

Aww that’s so sad 😭

WHY DO YOU DO THIS TO ME

Sorry for my never-ending questions…just trying to get some context before I share my thoughts XD XD

@ellette-giselle

Do you know how long your novel is supposed to be?? Like is it a novella or a full length novel?

@thearcaneaxiom

You’re good!!! You’re probably busy with super cool adult stuff 🤣🤣

That means a lot!!! (:

@ellette-giselle

Thank you so much <3