Hannah

I think the sword line works pretty well considering the rhyme works. It’s better than anything else I can think of, even though I did comment on it. The bow line could probably be more powerful though.

Hahahahahaha! That’s what you call short and sweet right there, Hope. Setting. Conflict. Climax. Resolution.

That’s your basic story.

Thanks @Daeus! Hm… I’m not sure what I could add to that line. Any suggestions?

Glad you like it, Hope! I see what you’re saying, definitely, but about the sword, ‘Sharpness’ was supposed to slant rhyme with ‘Darkness’. Any suggestions to get around this?

Alright…but I was only 8. I don’t have the exact words of the story, but this is pretty much it.

Hope and Joy went to the park. A dog ran at them. An angel came and scared the dog away.
The End

I love it…I somehow missed seeing it the first time around. I do have one suggestion, though it’s more personal option on wording and not on the flow.

The shield is shattered,
The bow is not bent,
And the sword has now lost
All its sharpness.

I love the first line, but I think second line would be more powerful if it said something about…[Read more]

Small pen guns are cool. And I always love the concealed weapons in sleeves and such. Hmm, there could be things that look like perfume except if it’s inhaled it will put the enemy to sleep. There can also be cameras on buttons or pens in a person’s pocket. Or there can be other tiny cameras planted around (or even trackers planted on the…[Read more]

Um… maybe some sort of infrared vision goggles? Something like the Navy Seals have (at least I think it’s the Navy Seals)— the goggles that detect body heat and send back images through walls based solely on the heat they’re picking up. That could be cool.

Thanks, @sarah-h! I’ll post the revised version and see if I got all the kinks out.

The Coming Dawn

Long we have stood
In the shadow and mist;
Deep is the darkness
Around us.
Black is the night,
And hard is the road,
And cruel are the foes
That surround us.
Hard is our fate,
And bitter our lot,
And cold is the night
And the darkness.
The…[Read more]

Yes! Me too! It’s almost become an unspoken contest to see who can read books like that the most dramatically. 😀
The only problem is, when everybody else starts laughing, you start laughing, and then you can’t keep reading!

@rolena-hatfield— your first attempt sounds actually much better than mine. It actually sounds like it would work out— like it would actually hold someone’s interest fairly well. Good for you!

@wordfitlyspoken: a family of dandelions and wild daisies, huh? Sounds… um… creative! 😛
I know exactly what you mean by ‘write the story you want…[Read more]

I’m reviving this topic so I don’t have to make a new one.

And I have a question. A while back I looked up a lot of basic tutorials on all sorts of bladed weapons, just to get a few tips and such, and I noticed that a lot of the dagger techniques are very similar to wrestling techniques.
Does anyone here know anything about that? Or anything…[Read more]

That… is totally adorable. And I completely know what it is to idolize your first works as something incredible, something that will change lives and draw people to the light… and then you go back and read them a few years later and you’re just like… ‘what was I thinking?’

But hey! It had to start somewhere.

There were two that I made when I was around 7 or 8. One was, I quote: “THE GiNENT: A TALE ov FAiTH”.
It was about 2 guys who were walking along and see a giant (the titular “Ginent”). The guy who doesn’t believe in God runs away and the giant stomps on him. The guy who does believe in God stops in his tracks, kneels down and prays.
After the…[Read more]

Frog and Toad.

@Daeus… a talking donkey that appointed the pope to be archbishop of Canterbury. Hm. Well, you certainly went after the creative part, didn’t you? 😀
And YES. It is frightening, when I go back to my first ‘novel’ and read it, to find that it is practically a clone of Henty style and Henty plot. *pout* It’s not funny in the least.

@ivy-rose aw…[Read more]

@the-happy-bookaholic— the em dashes are done using three little dashes— 1- 2- 3-. They will look separate when you type them, but when you hit the dangerous ‘submit’ they will fuse and make those lovely little lines.
Also…

at least I would have had corrected people.

Did you mean ‘At least I would have corrected people’?

You’re right. It is. I just need to remember that. Hm. Easier said than done.

Don’t give up! The end will come…

… in one way or another.

😛