AveryTheExplodey

@rainmaker

Hi Divinity! (That’s a beautiful name by the way). I’m the Arcane Axiom, I love math, finding divine fundamental truth, and exploring that in my writing. I read/write sci-fi/fantasy, and my current project is a universe I’m working on with my sister called the Septrum.

Questions!

Do you lean towards hard or soft worldbuilding? (hard…[Read more]

@jonas

One thing to consider might be to actually not show what happens to Neveah until later in the story, instead of following her. That way you could linearly follow Sef and Lillitu up through this chapter. Cutting to Neveah and Ottoline after Sef and Lillitu jump off the cliff could be a great way to add tension. Always cut when your audience…

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@thearcaneaxiom

Here’s Sef’s reaction:

Chapter 4: Stolen

***revisal, the new segment at the end****

“Hush,” Cassian squeezed her tighter. Sef sobbed into his shoulder.

“I hate you!” she yelled in his ear. At that moment, she really believed it.

“Yes, I know,” he smiled sadly, knowingly. Sef soon got tired of crying and struggling and so she…[Read more]

@thearcaneaxiom

Think of it like your giving your readers a plate with a cheeseburger, but when they reach out to grab it, you pull it away, and throw a burrito at them. Sure burrito’s are great, but the readers were excited for that cheeseburger, and maybe a burrito is better served pushed towards them on a plate, instead of thrown at their f…

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@savannah_grace2009

Ok, I finished it, and it did mention that they were older, so it’s clear that a lot has changed, but this is still a similar issue with the one I posed earlier. We might be starting to follow the same characters now, but your darting around there own stories too much. The last we saw of Lilitu was the boy limping home, then…[Read more]

@grcr

Got it!

@acancello

Haha! I’m glad! Hugo is so funny, (I based him off my brother so I have plenty of ideas, lol!)

Oh I bet!

My brother’s more annoying than funny. He’s 7 and likes to pretend he’s a cat and meow ALL THE TIME.

@whalekeeper

Sometimes I bring some taffy or chocolate to school and throw it into a crowd to see what happens.

Oh my gosh that’s hilarious

I should try that! Though my school doesn’t have “crowds”, we’re too small for that, lol. (There’s 120 kids in the whole school, K-12)

@fernweh_grace

Hi, nice to meet you!

We do have one role play going on that you can join (I know because I made it, lol) if you want. We’re pretty far along, but you can hop in anytime! It’s the one titled “Character Party” on the General Writing Discussions session. If you happen to join, you might want to read all the previous RP’s so you…[Read more]

@trailblazer @acancello @freedomwriter76 @esther-c @grcr @mineralizedwritings

Ottoline

Her hands shook as she fingered the delicate blue fabric. This is for me?  She wondered. What kind of person do they think I am? She could never wear that, she decided. This was too beautiful a dress for someone like her. She ran a hand through her tangled ha…[Read more]

@thearcaneaxiom

Oh, sorry, it is chapter 6!

Well, two years have passed, and Sef has been abused, so that changes her personality a little bit. They both get older and more mature. What do you mean by different, like personality?

@anyone

More questions worth discussing:

How do we know that we interpret Scriptures correctly, when there’s so many different interpretations found? (This is different from a discussion of translation)

How do we discuss dilemmas that seem unique to our era and have no (seemingly) direct reference to what we see in scripture?

Anything else?

@everyone

General Conference Oct 2023! Streaming sessions Sat 30 through Oct 1s!

h ttps://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/media/broadcasts/watch-saturday-live-sessions?lang=eng (delete the space after the h)

@jonas

That sounds good, what you developed so far seems like a good base to start for him.

Yeah, it’s interesting to have those kind of quirks in a magic system, like the nats in Mistborn.

Divine/magic influence is always the simplest way to go. Many point out that saying “a wizard did it!” is bad, and in a certain context this is true, but…[Read more]

@savannah_grace2009

I like the new character you introduced in chapter 4. I don’t think you shared a chapter 7 yet, but I started chapter 6, but it seemed like there was some kind of gap, where the characters are somewhere different without explanation. Is that intentional?

@jonas

I like Vilsayor, have you developed his character much in terms of things like motives and such, or is he just plain bad?

I like that you fixed the magic system to implement more even structure. That sort of thing would have driven me nuts. Though it does make me ask the question of what makes these sorts of interactions fundamental in…[Read more]

@thearcaneaxiom

I’m putting more thought into the 4th chapter. Then I’m going to make it so Lilitu gets 2 chapters. What do you think of the revisal?

Chapter 4: A theif

“Git your grubby fingers off that bread!” Lilitu froze. He looked longingly at the loaf of bread which might as well have been a bar of gold, before turning to face the e…[Read more]

@jonas

Wow, how are you so good at creating magic systems? i’m so jealous, lol

@acancello

“A masquerade party?” Amir said, completely bewildered. “Why?”

“Maybe they’re torturing us,” Hugo joked, “what could be worse than dressing up and dancing with girls?” He laughed, seeming to have made a full recovery.

Girl I legit started laughing!!!

“That’s strange,” Amir commented from the floor, “these clothes, this rack here.…

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@whalekeeper

They’re going great, and I’ve been getting so much great feedback on my story? How about you?