AveryTheExplodey

@thearcanceaxiom

That’s very true! It’s a skill that takes a lot of time to develop, taking in a lot of different ideas from pros, plot, character, and bringing those different ideas into something cohesive is a challenge, but it’s worth it in the end!

I have a cousin that’s older than me, and he once read my work and said “I bet I could write…[Read more]

@jonas

Yep! That’s the way of things. Good luck with it! There’s probably many countless aspects to explore in it that neither she or I have thought of, or anyone else.

@savannah_grace2009

Thanks, I never knew how hard writing can be! It’s a rollercoaster…sometimes you get depressed because you can’t figure out one sentence and then you get excited because you wrote something “good”. Writing is hard….but it’s a good challenge!

That’s very true! It’s a skill that takes a lot of time to develop, taking in a l…[Read more]

@jonas

That’s a cool concept! Although my sister has been playing with basically the exact same idea, although it’s more unique to bone mass then body mass as a whole, but the end effect would be similar.

@jonas

Oh. I guess I missed that. I really need to read more carefully lol!

No worries!

@thearcaneaxiom

On them having previous dealings, that can actually work, but the readers haven’t seen those previous dealings, so you need to show that somewhere. We’ve seen the Pythonos on many other occasions, but not in any that make it so that they are that much of an immediate threat when your on the run like that. I still think the odor is…

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@savannah_grace2009

I love that explanation, lol.

Okay, I’ll work on it! This critique has been so helpful! And no, it doesn’t feel too harsh. Thank you for being honest about what I need to fix. Also, I know I need to make this clearer (I don’t explain it in the story at all, just my thought process when I wrote this) but Sef and Lilitu had p…

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@jonas

Well, Sef wasn’t at her house when Neveah and Hanna were kidnapped. They were leaving the slums, and were walking down the path. It was a whole “group” thing, if that makes sense.

Sef saw them being taken when she was on her way back from the well.

@jonas

Cassian is Lilitu’s older brother. (I’m pretty sure it’s in there somewhere? idk, now I’m second guessing myself, haha)

I don’t know, I probably should know, but I don’t know where Cassian is, lol. I guess he just wasn’t in the scene? He’s old enough to work, so probably doing that or stealing something to feed his family. Characters are…[Read more]

@rainmaker

Hi Divinity, I’m Sara 🙂 I’m a freshman in high school. You’re going to love KP!

I am working on my WIP, and am trying to fix some problems with it, but I am making some progress (I think???).

I have 2 horses, too many chickens (you can NEVER have too many chickens!!!!), 1 dog, 4 cats, and a herd of cows. We farm and ranch in…[Read more]

@rainmaker

Hi Divinity! (That’s a beautiful name by the way). I’m the Arcane Axiom, I love math, finding divine fundamental truth, and exploring that in my writing. I read/write sci-fi/fantasy, and my current project is a universe I’m working on with my sister called the Septrum.

Questions!

Do you lean towards hard or soft worldbuilding? (hard…[Read more]

@jonas

One thing to consider might be to actually not show what happens to Neveah until later in the story, instead of following her. That way you could linearly follow Sef and Lillitu up through this chapter. Cutting to Neveah and Ottoline after Sef and Lillitu jump off the cliff could be a great way to add tension. Always cut when your audience…

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@thearcaneaxiom

Here’s Sef’s reaction:

Chapter 4: Stolen

***revisal, the new segment at the end****

“Hush,” Cassian squeezed her tighter. Sef sobbed into his shoulder.

“I hate you!” she yelled in his ear. At that moment, she really believed it.

“Yes, I know,” he smiled sadly, knowingly. Sef soon got tired of crying and struggling and so she…[Read more]

@thearcaneaxiom

Think of it like your giving your readers a plate with a cheeseburger, but when they reach out to grab it, you pull it away, and throw a burrito at them. Sure burrito’s are great, but the readers were excited for that cheeseburger, and maybe a burrito is better served pushed towards them on a plate, instead of thrown at their f…

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@savannah_grace2009

Ok, I finished it, and it did mention that they were older, so it’s clear that a lot has changed, but this is still a similar issue with the one I posed earlier. We might be starting to follow the same characters now, but your darting around there own stories too much. The last we saw of Lilitu was the boy limping home, then…[Read more]

@grcr

Got it!

@acancello

Haha! I’m glad! Hugo is so funny, (I based him off my brother so I have plenty of ideas, lol!)

Oh I bet!

My brother’s more annoying than funny. He’s 7 and likes to pretend he’s a cat and meow ALL THE TIME.

@whalekeeper

Sometimes I bring some taffy or chocolate to school and throw it into a crowd to see what happens.

Oh my gosh that’s hilarious

I should try that! Though my school doesn’t have “crowds”, we’re too small for that, lol. (There’s 120 kids in the whole school, K-12)

@fernweh_grace

Hi, nice to meet you!

We do have one role play going on that you can join (I know because I made it, lol) if you want. We’re pretty far along, but you can hop in anytime! It’s the one titled “Character Party” on the General Writing Discussions session. If you happen to join, you might want to read all the previous RP’s so you…[Read more]

@trailblazer @acancello @freedomwriter76 @esther-c @grcr @mineralizedwritings

Ottoline

Her hands shook as she fingered the delicate blue fabric. This is for me?  She wondered. What kind of person do they think I am? She could never wear that, she decided. This was too beautiful a dress for someone like her. She ran a hand through her tangled ha…[Read more]