Home Page › Forums › Fiction Writing › Critiques › Novel Critique Requests › Yes— it's Another One
- This topic has 22 replies, 4 voices, and was last updated 8 years, 10 months ago by Kate Flournoy.
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December 24, 2015 at 12:06 pm #8139
I really liked the drink description, personally. You did a really good job there. But I would repeat Daeus’s question: Is it important? I got the impression it was poisoned or something. (Not sure if that’s just a hunch, but it seems like the drink is important)
December 24, 2015 at 12:35 pm #8140Thanks @Daeus and @writefury— the drink is not important. So I conclude it was a good description as descriptions go, but unnecessary, which cancels that out. 😛
Thanks guys! I’ll make it seem less important. 🙂
December 24, 2015 at 1:34 pm #8141Glad we could help. 🙂
But wait, plot twist here, what if the drink was important? How would that alter the story?
December 24, 2015 at 1:44 pm #8142Well then Denholm would die of poison and the whole world would crumble in ruin, quite simply. 😛
It’s okay— that almost happened anyway, because they were discovered halfway through the camp and he was very, very badly wounded.
December 29, 2015 at 11:37 am #8178Ah, I see. 😛 I would never want you to kill Denholm. Cobalt’s rather banged up at the moment as well, though. XD
December 29, 2015 at 12:11 pm #8180Ah, poor Cobalt. In with the bad guys, is he?
I don’t think Denholm’s going to stop being banged up and banged around until the climax finally finally comes and goes. Everything’s gone wrong for the poor guy lately.
It’s okay. He forgives me. 😛
December 30, 2015 at 12:06 pm #8196That is what’s ever so nice about this sort of character. 😛 They take so much and still stay cheerful and forgiving. 🙂
It’s almost humorous when Cobalt’s hurt because he just won’t admit that he needs to take it easy for a bit. He’s just “No really, I’m fine!” and keeps going until he passes out or something. XPDecember 30, 2015 at 1:01 pm #8198YES. Exactly. Denholm frightens people with that. If his cover gets blown and someone notices he’s tired, he just laughs at them or ignores them, depending on what mood he’s in, until he can’t possibly go on any longer. 😛
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