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- Rank: Eccentric Mentor
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@iluvhim18 Girl, I will gladly help you in any way! Could you give me a little bit of background on your characters and story? Where are you struggling the most?
- Rank: Eccentric Mentor
- Total Posts: 1789
@iluvhim18 Well, for some strange reason, I got the notification for your reply, but it doesn’t show up here. Anyway, I’ll post it in case anyone else has some advice to share!
“@gracie-j Thank you! It’s a fantasy/sci-fi novel that focuses on a group of princesses that come to participate in what’s known as the ‘Princess Trials.’ The theme is about not doubting your abilities and strengths, which Clarissa, my MC, does way too often. I have my protagonist, who’s a 15 year old princess, she’s kind of a shy bookworm, but once you start talking to her you learn she’s really funny and loud. She’s desperate for friends and her love language is quality time, which she gets a lot of, since Taylor (her love interest) is the brother figure of one of her best friends, meaning they spend a lot of time together. Taylor is a 15 year old boy, and he’s secretly the antagonist. (Shhhh, don’t tell!) He has a form of ‘dark magic’ that allows him to basically take control of a certain part of someone’s mind. He took control of one of the princess’ memories to plant fake ones to make it seem like he’s been her best friend. Even though he’s lying/acting about most things, he really does care about Clarissa. Unfortunately, he’s never had a healthy relationship with anyone other than his sister, and the fact that he’s still lying to Clarissa about who he is.
As to where I’m struggling the most, it’s all about writing it realistically. I don’t want to reveal Taylor as the villain too soon, and I don’t want the ‘romance’ to move too fast, but I also want to show a realistic relationship between the two of them. Clarissa enjoys being around Taylor, but she’s more attracted to the idea of having a relationship/crush than Taylor himself. And Taylor is more unhealthily obsessed/interested/infatuated with Clarissa than actually ‘in love’ with her. Taylor’s persona and Clarissa are good friends, but they’ve never had real friends of the opposite gender before so they confuse their feelings for love. I have no idea how to write a “fake love story” realistically. (Sorry if this wayyy too specific or weird I’m just trying to keep this from ending up being a 10,000 word explanation XD)”
- Rank: Eccentric Mentor
- Total Posts: 1789
@iluvhim18 You have got a very interesting situation there! Hmm…I don’t have a lot of experience with fake love stories (which I should definitely remedy), but it almost sounds like you’ve got more of a friends-to-lovers-to-enemies sort of thing going on.
So, if you want to portray their relationship as a real friendship/romance, I think the main thing would be to put aside Taylor’s true identity (from your mind, I mean), and focus on him as his good persona. And then, once you’ve written your first draft and gotten a good handle on their relationship, you can write in some strange, obsessive behavior on his part.
Best advice I can give you?
Take it slow. Put your focus on deepening their relationship, not rushing it. Give them moments where they share their deepest fears or where Taylor rescues Clarissa or where they connect over something. Use your own friendships to give you a basis on how they would interact with each other. For example, I’m fifteen and I’m good friends with a guy my age–surprisingly enough, I’m more comfortable with him than I am with other girls, and even though we’re certainly not anything more than friends, I feel like I can be open and honest with him, help and encourage him, and also like we understand each other better.
So start there–with more of a mental/emotional relationship, then shift into a physical one where Taylor wipes away Clarissa’s tears, tucks her hair behind her ear, kisses her forehead, holds her when she’s scared. That sort of thing.
This way, you can portray Taylor as caring for Clarissa (or being obsessed with her well-being and extremely possessive of her) and portray Clarissa as being more into the idea of a relationship than into Taylor. He can make her feel safe, loved, appreciated, etc., and she can crave those feelings instead of focusing on reciprocating them and being as obsessive with Taylor as he is with her. Make sense?
A lot of their relationship can depend on how the story ends…if he’s revealed as the villain but turns good and they get together in the end; or if he’s brutally murdered for being a horrible dude. So where they go from there depends on you.
Hopefully that helps! Let me know if you have any questions!
@gracie-j That helps a lot! I’ve actually been putting off writing the romance parts because I wasn’t sure how to write it, but this gives me a much better understanding of how I can tell it, so thanks! I have quite a few friends who are guys, some that I’m strictly platonic with, and others that are slightly more flirty, so I get where you’re coming from with writing some of it based off of real friendships. And I had one friend that was very possessive/overprotective, so that gives me a base to build off of, as well!
If you ask me about my book, I will talk for hours. Have a nice day!😊
- Rank: Eccentric Mentor
- Total Posts: 1789
@iluvhim18 Yay! I’m so glad that helps! And, yes, sounds like you have plenty of relationships to go off of! Let me know whenever you need anymore help!
@gracie-j
None of my men are keen on showers or cologne unfortunately, it comes of being pirates, werewolves and revolutionaries for the most part 😛
Alright, you asked for it… 😀
They stood there for several seconds, as if stunned by the performance they’d just put on, hands clasped together like they hadn’t been since their wedding day. He found himself looking down into her eyes, framed by the material that covered her black hair and highlighted her beautiful dark skin.
And then, she kissed him.
It was not an entirely unpleasant action, Courageous decided. Though it wasn’t like his uncle had made it out to be. They stood in an awkward position, High-Praise leaning up until it almost hurt, and Courageous leaning down until his back ached. But then High-Praise pulled her hands free of his and wrapped her arms around his neck, pulling herself up with an upper body strength he’d never even known she’d had. And he found himself wrapping his arms around her waist and holding her in an action that was completely foreign to him.They held each other like that, until Courageous finally broke away, unable to breath anymore. And then he just stood there, still holding her and staring down at his queen, who’d never felt a wisp of feeling for until just then. “High-Praise…” he murmured, unsure of exactly what to say now.
Urgh, the cringe!! This is an older story (three years old), but I have almost entirely avoided kissing scenes since then, with only one exception.
INFP Queen of the Kingdom commander of an army of origami cranes and a sabre from Babylon.
- Rank: Eccentric Mentor
- Total Posts: 1789
@seekjustice Neither are mine! XD
That’s actually not too bad! I’ve read worse kiss scenes, that’s for sure. I’m gonna pull from some or my fight scenes advice… Think of the kiss like you would a fight, I guess. Strange comparison, I know, but humor me. The three things that make a fight scene perfect are (1) focus on the action (instead of the scenery or the character’s wandering thoughts), (2) emotion, and (3) a little bit of dialogue weaved into the action. Right?
What you’ve got right here is action – emotion and dialogue. What you need is action + emotion and a little bit of dialogue (depending on the exact situation).
Try writing a kiss scene again, but this time prepare yourself by asking these three questions:
#1 Who are the characters? (You define their identity by whatever seems most pertinent.)
#2 What do they feel for each other? (In the scene above, it sounds like Courageous and High-Praise didn’t think much of each other.)
#3 What has led them to this moment? (Were they in an argument? Was the hero comforting the heroine? Etc, etc. You decide.)Write the scene, then ask yourself these questions as you review it:
#1 Are the characters’ movements clear?
#2 Is my writing focused on the kiss (and not the scenery or a random topic)?
#3 Does the pace of my writing align with the pace of the character’s movements?
#4 Can the reader tell who is narrating the scene?
#5 What are they thinking and feeling?
#6 Why are they kissing?If you can answer all of those questions (in the affirmative for the first four), then you’ve basically written a non-cringey kiss scene! (Replace kiss with fight, and now you’ve got a fight scene. XD)
Let me give you an example…just making this up on the fly, but here is what that should look like:
The characters are Hugh and Annie, old friends since childhood.
They’re very close, almost like brother and sister, united by common loss.
It’s the anniversary of the death of Annie’s older brother, who was also Hugh’s friend, and he’s comforting her as she cries.Hugh tucked Annie’s head beneath his chin, held her against him with an arm draped around her shoulders. “I know it hurts, Annie. I know.”
She sighed, shuddering as she looked up at him. Her eyes glistened with unshed tears, mouth quivered with pent-up sobs. “He was all I had, Hugh. Everything to me. He made me feel special, like I actually meant something to another person, you know.”
“Yeah. He was good like that.” Hugh forced a smile against the ache in his heart. If only Brent knew the hole he’d left… He swiped at the tear welling in the corner of Annie’s eye, let his finger trace the curve of her cheek, the line of her jaw. She was everything to him, the sister he’d never had, the friend he’d always wanted. Maybe…maybe even something more. “You mean–” he choked on the words on the tip of his tongue “–you mean something to me, Annie. Something…” His words trailed off as his gaze snagged on her softly smiling mouth. For one long, suspended moment, he couldn’t hear anything but his own ragged breath, couldn’t get his body to obey his mind or any kind of rational reason.
It was only Annie. Only this moment. Only the tender brush of his lips against hers.
He cradled her head in his hands, skimmed her lips with a gentle kiss. This wasn’t how it was supposed to be, how it should be, and yet it felt so right.
Her eyes slid closed and her arms came around him as she leaned into his touch, returning his kiss with a moan. “Hugh,” she murmured, her fingers toying with the ends of his hair.
He eased back with a smile, angling his head to kiss the corner of her mouth, the dimple in her cheek. “Annie.”
Then, I ask myself the second set of questions and my answers are:
#1 The characters’ movements are clear.
#2 My writing is focused on the kiss.
#3 My pace aligns correctly.
#4 The reader can tell that the scene is in Hugh’s POV
#5 He is thinking that he cares deeply for Annie and wants to show her how much she means to him. He is feeling slightly shocked by just how deeply he cares for her, but also pleased by the turn of events.
#6 ‘Cause they can. XD Ahem. Because of what he’s thinking and feeling—that Annie needs to know how much he cares.See what I mean? Basically, if you apply your advice on writing immersive descriptions and then mine on fight scenes, you can write a great kiss scene! Treat it like you would any other action, emotion, or object—with care, clarity, and accuracy.
Anyway… *winces at how long and confusing this post is* I dunno, maybe that helps!
@gracie-j
Ok, so I had a go at rewriting the scene and it was actually quite fun! I felt like I saw a side of the two characters that I didn’t see when I was originally writing the first draft. (by the way, this is an enemies to lovers relationship, which I know you love!)
And then they weren’t dancing anymore. They were standing in the middle of the dancing ring, Courageous’s heart buzzing as he registered the sensation of silk and warm skin pressing against his own skin. A shiver went through him and he quickly took a step back, breaking the contact. Immediately, he felt cold and a longing to feel High-Praise’s body against his own again gripped him.
As if she read his thoughts, she closed the gap between them and suddenly they were together again, their hands entwined as they hadn’t been since their wedding day. Courageous found himself looking down into her eyes, framed by the silken headscarf that covered her jet hair and highlighted by her beautiful amber-hued skin.
Why hadn’t he ever noticed how beautiful she really was before? Had he really been so blind and–
She kissed him, cutting off any thoughts that might have followed.
At another time, the practical side of his brain might have pointed out that their position was incredibly awkward–he was leaning so far down that his back ached, and High-Praise standing on tiptoes. But at that moment, this was the furthest thing from his mind.
She pulled her hands free of his grip and wrapped them around neck, pulling herself toward him with a strength that belied her petite frame. And he found himself putting his hands around her waist and holding her in a way that was completely foreign to him.
High-Praise broke free, a smile playing across her face. For a moment, Courageous stared down at her, then he covered his mouth and felt a flush spread over his face. “You realise everyone is watching us, don’t you?”
Her smile grew even wider as she ran one hand across his face and down his chin. “Of course,” she whispered, before kissing him again. More slowly, more gently, more patiently, and he reciprocated, unsure of what the emotions flooding through him were as he held the queen for whom he’d never felt a wisp of feeling towards before.
When he finally broke away, unable to breathe anymore, he simply held her in his arms and murmured, “High-Praise…”
INFP Queen of the Kingdom commander of an army of origami cranes and a sabre from Babylon.
- Rank: Eccentric Mentor
- Total Posts: 1789
@seekjustice CHELSEA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! GURL, THAT WAS BeAuTiFuL! UGH! You go, girl! When can I read this story????
@gracie-j
Hi Grace! So 1# I am super late getting to this topic, (a very crazy week and wi-fi issues are my enemies, so I’m finally just getting around to writing my posts. Sorry about that).
And 2# I need some help professor XD That is if you don’t mind:)- Rank: Eccentric Mentor
- Total Posts: 1789
@abigail-m Girl, I know how you feel! I’ve had a busy week too (and I’m always having wi-fi probs). So, what can I help you with? (And of course I don’t mind!)
@gracie-j
Aww, you are too sweet 😀 *blushes furiously*
Well, I am hoping to rewrite it later this year, so…
INFP Queen of the Kingdom commander of an army of origami cranes and a sabre from Babylon.
@gracie-j Hey, girl! I gotta ask the master for some advice here. I haven’t written this scene yet, but… I’m hoping it’ll go something around these lines. (Warning: I’m literally making this up on the spot, but the scene will go like this. It’ll obv be written different when I actually get around to it, though.) Is this too cheesy? XD (also, @writerlexi1216 😉 )
Yeong collapsed on his back. It felt so difficult to breathe, and he knew he was dying as pain shot like a rocket throughout every inch of his body. But it was what he had to do if it meant Kadotake could live.
“Kado-san, I’m not gonna make it,” he gasped, colour draining from his already-pale skin.
“S-shut up. You are.” But Kadotake’s eyes were wide with fear as she ripped off the arm of his sweater, trying to bandage him.
There was silence for a moment, nothing to be heard but Yeong’s increasingly shallow breath.
“That bullet was meant for me,” Kadotake burst out, trying to contain the tears that stung at her eyes. “Not you. It’s not fair.”
“It’s fair if you get to live.”
Kadotake broke down at this. Tears began to stream down her face for the first time in years.
“Greyson, I can’t let you go, you idiot,” she hiccupped, using the English name she had given him.
“Then at least do one thing for me,” he said between gasps.
She looked down at him expectantly, but no words could come; and so she simply nodded.
Yeong hesitated. It was such a blatant request, but… he had no time to waste.
“Will you kiss me?”
Kadotake’s eyes widened. “W-what?”
“Kiss me and I can die happy,” he begged. This only added to the kamikaze of emotions that Kadotake was feeling. Yeong never begged.
“Yes. Yes, I will.” Kadotake could barely believe what was going on.
With one arm, she roughly drew him close to her. The life was draining from him, Kadotake could tell.
And so, without hesitating, she pressed her lips against his.
They stayed like that, locked in the most perfect and most devastating moment of either of their lives.
Yeong finally broke away from Kadotake, falling back in her arms, and there was a faint light in his dark brown eyes.
“You’re the hero of criminals, Kadotake. Never forget it.”
And with a final, shaking sigh, those melting-dark-chocolate eyes closed forever.
staring at the fields
if nothing's really real
i'll make the winter now my home- Rank: Eccentric Mentor
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*grins* Really? YAY!!!!!!!!!!!!! I can’t wait!
Uh, NO! I love these scenes! So…ugh, heartbreaking. I cannot wait to read more! (PS: I was totally shipping Yeong and Kadotake THE WHOLE TIME!
Which was, like, two days, but still.
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