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As authors, we have characters who are both male and female, but sometimes it is hard to get into the heads of our characters who are the opposite gender from us. These characters sometimes turn out in very strange ways and we get Mary Sues or overly emotional guys – characters no one really likes. This forum is for guys and girls to ask each other how the other thinks so that we can make more believable characters instead of girls who act like guys and guys who act like girls.
@ellette-giselle @whalekeeper @loopylin @highscribeofaetherium @thearcaneaxiom @theloonyone @stephie @theshadow @theducktator @keilah-h @grcr @hybridlore @calyhuge @koshka @freed_and_redeemed @lightoverdarkness6 @esther-cDefinitely an important topic. I think other people will benefit from this topic more than me because my approach to emotions is mixed (if we’re talking male vs female mindsets) whenever I feel insecure in a given situation. Linus mentioned on another topic that he views emotions as problems to solve, and that resounds with me. I am still more emotional than guys however.
So if anyone else feels like they deal with emotions differently from the base norm, I’m here too 🙋♀️ and every brain functions differently.
This forum is for guys and girls to ask each other how the other thinks so that we can make more believable characters instead of girls who act like guys and guys who act like girls.
I can confidently say I’ve made this mistake before. (Guy character who is more emotional.) I now see that character as different because they are trying to compensate for an emotional void in their environment, kind of like the fawn coping mechanism if anyone is familiar with that. So for that character, I am blurring the line purposefully.
I would love to hear how other writers adjust the male/female mindsets in their characters, and for what reasons.
#ProtectAdolinKholin
I definitely have difficulty writing guys. They seem like a completely different species and I struggle to get in their heads. Probably because my brothers and their friends are so weird.😂 Tips would be welcome.
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Devote reddamus!Ah! A much needed topic! I have way too many guys that act like girls. 😅😭 Definitely subscribing.
INTP.
Very good topic right here, I have way more male characters more than female ones and yet emotionally they still act like girls XD
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Awesome! This is perfect.
Ok, I have one. This will be mostly for guys, but if any girl’s have ideas on this I’m open.
So, I have a guy character going through a tough time, and I’m not sure how best to have him react to this. His name is Aaron, and he’s a young missionary in a medieval fantasy-type setting. He has gone into a war-torn country and gotten himself trapped there when the invading army took it over and closed down the boarder. He lost is parents in a fire at age five or six, but was adopted by a pastor. Aaron is now separated from his family, and can’t go back to his own country. he was just pitched into the last battle to save the country, which was very close to a massacre. His best friend died in the fight, and then he had to watch the last surviving heir to the throne be killed by an officer of the invading army. Aaron was good friends with him as well. Aaron is now struggling with the grief and trauma after the battle, and also struggling to find God’s purpose in all of this. as things stand, the bad guys have won, and Aaron is now trapped. he’s struggled with doubt before, but now he’s really trying to find God in all this. In one seen he literally cries out asking God where He was when all of this happened.
Now, here is my dilemma. As a girl, I would be sobbing my heart out, looking for someone to talk to, hold me, comfort me, and just sympathies. now, I know this is not how guys react. I was talking to Linus and he told me that you fella’s would have more of an anger, which could lead to frustration, and maybe even some despair reaction. Y’all aren’t super outwardly emotional I hear. I’ve also been informed that guys want to fix things and are looking for a solution to everything. As this is a very foreign concept to my girly brain, some ideas would be helpful.
Aaron is also someone who likes to shut it all in. He’s not going to go punching a wall or ranting unless he gets pushed by someone else into that sort of raction.
so….. basicly the end of all my rambling is I want to know how you guys would react in a similar situation. How do I have Aaron react to grief without melting him in a puddle of tears or turning him into some sort of wild beast.
Man is born for the fight, to be forged and molded into a sharper, finer, stronger image of God
@linus-smallprint @ellette-giselle
This is a great topic! Maybe instead of just focusing on gender differences, it should extend to different personalities too? I for one would be interested to hear other people’s descriptions of how they process things and react to circumstances (and how it relates to their personality) even if they’re also female.
Also, it’s important to remember that this isn’t a one answer fits all question. Guys don’t all act the same way when faced with different situations. Some of them are more emotional, others not. Even though generally girls are more emotional than boys, that doesn’t mean we all freak out and start sobbing whenever something happens.
Some day you will be old enough to start reading fairy tales again. ~ C.S. Lewis
You’re right – personality is soo a part of interpreting mental process. Even if it only covers the surface.
#ProtectAdolinKholin
I’m obviously not a guy, but my advice would be to find a happy medium between those two extremes. (Unless he actually would be on one end of the spectrum). Try to think of him as simply a character. Keep in mind that he’s a guy, but don’t get so caught up in that that you give him a reaction that isn’t consistent with his personality. Whenever I come to a problem like this, I always start with the personality. I have a handful of guys who tend to be more emotional, but some who aren’t. Sometimes they show their emotions, sometimes they don’t. I mean, I’m a girl, but I don’t like to wear my emotions on my sleeve, ya know? So that’s my number one piece of advice when writing a character either with the opposite gender: start from their personality.
(Also, the MBTI sixteen personalities test is something I find extremely helpful when developing characters. It takes a hot minute to complete, but it’s worth it in the end.)
Write what should not be forgotten. — Isabel Allende
As you know, I’m not a guy, but I do like to write guys and I have two brothers (technically three, but he doesn’t count)
Just as a tip in general, it helps to think about the roles God made a man or a woman to fill. Woman are the emotionally unstable mothers, while men are the factual, rational fathers who keep the wives from going insane. A man and a woman balance each other. Idk, maybe that isn’t a helpful tip at all, but it sure has helped me to think about it.
Also, study men if you want to write them, sounds creepy, but watch their reactions, and their emotions.
As for your actual issue, I think he’d seem mostly fine on the outside, with a hint here or there that he isn’t, but especially if someone he loves is around him, he will keep his emotions hidden. Men are usually natural protectors, and so they will shield their loved ones from worry by cutting off emotions. Not all guys are like this, but I know my brother and father are, especially around my mom and I. Inside, he’d be struggling, but it’d be hard to tell just looking at him.
And it’s just a normal human rule in general that he’d search for a coping mechanism. Some people turn to music, some to alcohol, some to writing, some to dangerous life-threatening sports, really anything that they have an interest can become an obsession and then a coping mechanism.
Yeah, so i’m not that helpful, but I’m just gonna post this anyways.
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#AnduthForever (hopefully 💕)@anyone
This might sound really weird, but I have no idea how to write girls. Sure, I can write emotions and stuff, but they usually become copies of each other personality wise, and even weirder, they aren’t copies of me. Estelle, Nae, Narsa and Ilsa are basically the only girls I’ve written who feel unique. Help?
"You need French Toast."
#AnduthForever (hopefully 💕)I would approach any character as an androgynous person first, and build up a semblance of personality before developing them with gender in mind. Because otherwise you might fall into your default female tropes.
It’s like what Esther said, thinking of them as a character rather than a girl/guy.
Literally, with one protagonist of mine, I pictured a tall, sharp-featured individual with a type A personality and the abrupt voice of Jane Austen. Physically adept and quick to deal justice. Secretly heartbroken. Then I started factoring her gender into the equation.
If I started with the assumption they were a girl, things might be a whole lot different.
#ProtectAdolinKholin
Just as a tip in general, it helps to think about the roles God made a man or a woman to fill. Woman are the emotionally unstable mothers, while men are the factual, rational fathers who keep the wives from going insane. A man and a woman balance each other. Idk, maybe that isn’t a helpful tip at all, but it sure has helped me to think about it.
I can’t help but think that maybe this is where your problem with writing girls stems from. Men and Women are made for eachother, but we don’t complete eachother. We are whole with God, not with other people.
I remember hearing my pastor talking about how some people add ‘you complete me’ to their vows, and he didn’t like it. It kinda opened my eyes to the fact that we are supposed to relay on God over a spouse, or the idea we will have one in the future.
Women show more emotions, but it doesn’t mean they have to be emotionally unstable. Just because you cry doesn’t mean you’re confused and need a man to help you. Emotional stability can come through trial, and learning to rely on God through it. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve been freaking out over my life, and my mom has told me calmly that God will take care of us. She knows from experience, and that kind of emotional stability doesn’t come from gender.
Men are a lot more than ‘keeping their wives from going insane’ and women are a lot more than ’emotionally unstable’. I know you might know that, but if you are going to boil both genders down to their essence, I think you’d find something more positive.
Both genders can show the same positive traits in different ways. My dad looks out for our family by providing physical protection, and my mom looks out for our family by providing emotional stability, through being understanding. It’s the same care and love, shown in different ways that balance each other.
It’s true that genders show differences in the way we were made, for instance that men are more physically strong and women are better at multitasking. I think there is a lot of variation of personality within each gender though, and the story they’ve already lived will really affect that. Two girls who are emotional at first can turn out very differently if one of them has a traumatic backstory. Maybe now she’s stiff and unloving, and needs to rediscover herself. You can let those incidents effect your characters. I think backstory is the main thing that makes all my girls different from each other, because it modifies how the traits most girls might have are expressed, making them different.
Hope maybe that helps XD
"And so I left this world just as I had entered it. Confused."
I would approach any character as an androgynous person first, and build up a semblance of personality before developing them with gender in mind. Because otherwise you might fall into your default female tropes.
Yes this
"And so I left this world just as I had entered it. Confused."
So I changed my mind and am going to reply in the WIP forum, but it really depends on what sort of guy he is
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