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Esther.
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July 26, 2025 at 8:54 pm #204755
Also, apparently I haven’t shared the mock cover yet!! (At least in this forum) Here it is! (At the end of the story XD)

Write what should not be forgotten. — Isabel Allende
July 28, 2025 at 8:28 am #204783I fell behind quite a bit, but I finally caught up. Whoops.GIRL.
This broke me.
I figured Tyler was going to pass away, but I wasn’t expecting it to be so sad and encouraging at the same time. It was really good. Really powerful. His letter… ah, it sure struck a chord. Katrina’s situation was an amazing plot twist—I wasn’t sure what to think of her attitude at first, but… ah, that was so interesting. I knew something was going to happen with Patrick!! I love love love it!!
Hallie’s side of the story was very relatable.
Amazing job. Love the mock cover!
I really don’t have any feedback at the moment, but I’ll… I can try to think of something… ?
wa wawawa waaaa
July 28, 2025 at 12:21 pm #204793yeah, Cars and Phones BROKE ME
Last week my mom was at Mayo Clinic in Rochester doing more cancer treatments, which was hard since it wasn’t planned. I guess even if it was, it would be hard since she was gone for over a week and me and my siblings and my dad were all missing her a lot and attempting to keep our house from going out of control lol
It just really, really sucked
And I found Cars and Phones on a day I was really missing her, and it just reminded me of how this whole cancer thing is SO NOT FAIR
so every time it played I started crying soooo hard lol
It also just reminded me of Easton and Tyler and omc it’s so sadddd
Also I LOVE YOUR BOOK
the scene where Hallie apologizes to her friends made me tear up it was so good!YOU’RE SO TALENTED
#MakeNahimTakeABreak
(the real ones will know)July 28, 2025 at 12:24 pm #204794I LOVE LITTLE HALLIE
#MakeNahimTakeABreak
(the real ones will know)July 28, 2025 at 1:35 pm #204798Thank you girls so much for reading through my book and supporting me!! ?? I so so so appreciate you! ❤️
Your comments have given me a lot more confidence in the plot and characters, which I definitely needed going into a third draft.
Are there any scenes you’d like to see added? Or characters you’d like to see more of? Anything (or anyone) you saw that you think didn’t add to the story?
And then of course, any other feedback you can think of.
Again… thank you!!!
Write what should not be forgotten. — Isabel Allende
July 28, 2025 at 1:40 pm #204799I would just like to see it set up a little more at the very beginning chapters.
I know you’re going for chaos on the Sunday morning before church, but like I mentioned before, since Easton and Hallie’s family is a big one, I think you need to focus more on their family and the dynamics. I’d love to see Hallie’s closeness with her mom at the beginning. Then maybe you could show Hallie and her mom getting more tense as Hallie goes down the wrong path. And then she could apologize to her mom and show the relationship being repaired as Hallie finds what she is supposed to do next.
So just more family dynamics would be helpful to your plot!
And slowing it down at the beginning in general. Show Easton’s relationships with other people and really dive deep into why every single character matters to your story. Find every side character’s personality and their character arc, even if you won’t talk about them in the book much, because it will help you develop things more.
That’s basically all I have to say, I guess. If I think of more later, I’ll let you know <3
#MakeNahimTakeABreak
(the real ones will know)July 28, 2025 at 8:04 pm #204811Ok thank you!!
I was thinking there needed to be more family interaction too. I’m glad you caught that. Is there a certain spot on the book that you think those types of scenes would fit best? (If not, that’s fine)
Ok yes!! I will for sure do that! It will be fun for me to take time to flesh out the characters individually (leaves room for more books too ?)
Thank you so much!! <33
Write what should not be forgotten. — Isabel Allende
July 29, 2025 at 12:01 pm #204818Antonio gently wiped away one of her tears with his thumb. “Please don’t cry. I like it much better when I can see your eyes sparkle naturally.”
*squeals* OH MY GOODNESS.
I loved this book! The scenes when Hallie is making up with her friends were so sweet!!!!!!!! I’m sad it’s over. I looked forward to the chapter dumps.
marshmallow fight
Why would you throw the marshmallows????? Perfectly good marshmallows, ruined! ? XD
?For our Blessed Lady's sake, bring us in good ale!?
July 29, 2025 at 12:48 pm #204819To be honest, I’m not really sure.
I might have to reread it a little more and let you know XD
#MakeNahimTakeABreak
(the real ones will know)July 29, 2025 at 1:05 pm #204820Now that I’m going back to the beginning…
This is really hard XD
because I know you’re trying to go for the “chaos” vibes of a big family as they get ready for church and the party. You set up Hallie, Easton, and the parents pretty well, especially for the fast-paced scene, but the other siblings kind of disappear throughout the book.
Maybe you could include late-night talks on the couch with Hallie’s mom (that’s something me and my mom enjoy doing a lot!) or show Hallie’s closeness with her younger siblings. Maybe Hallie decides to have a “sleepover” with one of her younger sisters. I’m not sure where this scene could go since your book seems to flow pretty well and I don’t want a scene like that to disrupt it. But maybe if you tried throwing some more one on one connection scenes with Hallie and the rest of her family, that would help. You could also show Easton having a closer relationship with Brandon.
Since Brandon isn’t home during the book, it’s easy for the readers to forget he exists, and we don’t want that, lol ?
You could have them write letters back and forth if they’re supposed to be close, or you might intentionally have Brandon disappear if he and Easton really weren’t that close in the first place. Either way, make sure you’re intentional about setting up the family. Don’t make them have a big family to have a big family, if that makes sense. If these characters are going to have a large family, it needs to be intentional. Sure, big families are fun to write, and you should write what you’re interested in, and what’s fun. But you should still find a way to make the fun stuff work with the plot in a way that’s intentional and adds to the story.
I don’t know if any of this is helpful, but yeah, that’s my input for now.
*fades into the shadows*
#MakeNahimTakeABreak
(the real ones will know)July 31, 2025 at 1:24 pm #204886Awww, thank you so much girl!!! ? I appreciate you taking the time to read through it all! <33
Do you have any additional feedback after having read the whole thing?
No that’s really helpful! Tysm!!
Write what should not be forgotten. — Isabel Allende
July 31, 2025 at 1:25 pm #204887Actually, I think there was a point in the drafting or planning stage that I lowkey forgot Brandon existed ???♀️?
Write what should not be forgotten. — Isabel Allende
August 4, 2025 at 11:18 am #204938@savannah_grace2009 @theducktator @grcr
Thoughts on Easton and Autumn as a couple and how their personalities go together? I’m doing some character work rn and I’m wondering if those two actually are a good match… like if they would make a good married couple in the future….
Write what should not be forgotten. — Isabel Allende
August 4, 2025 at 11:19 am #204939And @hybridlore
Write what should not be forgotten. — Isabel Allende
August 4, 2025 at 11:26 am #204940To be honest I loved them together. Autumn is so sweet and godly and her and Easton’s relationship was so … sweet. (For lack of a better word. ?) I loved how he was willing to see past her disabilities and treat her like a princess—wheel her chair around, dance for her, carry her on his back, etc. And she was such a wise voice and encouragement into his struggles.
I still think about that Homecoming scene where she prayed. ?
"Don't shine so that others can see you. Shine so that through you, others can see Him." ~ C.S.L.
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