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Hey everyone! Keilah here. I’m currently worldbuilding on a dystopian/sci-fi/fantasy world, and I’d like your feedback on it!
The premise I have so far (for the first book anyway, I might make it a series):
Torrent Starcatcher has had a hard life.
She was born into a universe in turmoil; the violent dictator Indy has been in control since before her parents were born. Her mother, Liberty, died when Torrent was young, and her father, Hunter, was drafted into Indy’s army six years ago, and presumed killed n battle.
Now, it’s just Torrent, her guardian Marek, and her half-blind cat Beaumont.
Until one day, Beaumont leads Torrent into the cave on her family’s property. She discovers a thriving resistance against Indy, which her family was once a part of.
When she learns her father might still be alive, she begs her new friends to help her rescue him.
So far, I haven’t reached the ending yet–do they say yes and supply her with a task force to help, or maybe they say no and the mission takes more of a Rogue One sort of bend (although the characters survive to the next book, unlike that movie)? I’m also going to explain some of the characters and the world it happens in, so watch out for those!
Just tagging some people I know (and some I don’t)…….
@trahia-the-minstrel @elanor @writerlexi1216 @kathleenramm @abigail-m @faith-q @not-so-secret-secret-assassin @nova21 @ariel-f @nanisnook @scripter-of-kingdoms @lewilliams @ribbonash @imwritehere1920 @beth-darlene @lydia-s @buildsbygideon @devastate-lasting @relia @iluvhim18 @jodi-maile @daisy-torres @godlyfantasy12 @jenwriter17 @lucy @millennium @kayleigh-idea @seekjustice @e-k-seaverWhere'd I get ya this time? The liver? The kidney? I'm runnin' outta places to put holes in ya.
Ooh!!! Sounds so interesting already!!! Can’t wait to hear more honestly!!! I absolute love hearing premises like this (I’m working on a (hopefully Epic) fantasy series.
ooooh….this kinda makes me want to hear everyone else’s premises for their books….(I’m totally not trying to steal ur spotlight btw keilah)
but this story sounds super cool, tho I’m not a huge sci-fi or dystopian fan (I say that tho I do watch those things and enjoy them often, it’s just the idea of them I’m like eh, but then when I’m actually watching/reading them I’m all in 🤣)
But sounds super interesting!
I definitely think it’s cool that you have your options open ending wise on wether their deciding to help her or not. Or perhaps you could have split down the middle, or 2 or 3 of the group in the dark on the “real” plan, that their stringing her along. (Just some ideas to get the creative juices flowing! After all, when you’ve been living under a dictator for so long, people become desperate.)
#IfMarcelDiesIRiot
#ProtectMarcel
#ProtectSebThat premise sounds interesting! I’m definitely leaning toward the resistance saying no to Torrent, I feel like that would make her have to come up with her own solutions, which would be interesting to read about. I’m also a big Rogue One fan, so…yeah. That might have something to do with my choice XD
@keilah-h You should end it the way you feel is the best — and sometimes you’ll change your mind😉. I once changed the true identity of an entire character because I decided it would be more emotionally impactful if he wasn’t related to someone else.
That said, the idea of her having to rescue her father on her own does sound interesting (I love the name Torrent, by the way😊), And I also love Rogue One — I have an idea, but you can totally ignore it if it doesn’t gel with your story, but — what if she had just one best friend or person who went on the mission with her? Someone she initially didn’t like at all, but they felt compelled to go with her out of loyalty, or something? Sorry, I just really love the whole, ‘rivals go on a mission and end up becoming friends through the trial’ thing.😅 Again, ignore this if it doesn’t work. It’s your story, and you know it best.😊
@godlyfantasy12 and @jodi-maileWe should totally start a thread somewhere where everyone can share their premises and have a good nerd over them😁
The end of a story, a beautiful picture; a feeling of longing yet hope~
That’s my wish to create.@keilah-h sounds neat, while not super unusual, but you could totally put a unique spin on it. Speaking of, this might just be a personal opinion, but all of the characters names sound incredibly flashy. . Just something ya might want to consider. If they’re supposed to be normal and stuff.
The pen is mightier than the sword, but in a duel, I'm taking the sword.
ekseaver.wordpress.comNeat premise! I think it entirely depends on a ton of factors you haven’t told us. First, how old is Torrent? Nobody’s going to give a 12-16-year-old kid a bunch of backup for a rescue mission. (No offense to anyone in that age range; I’m 16 myself. I’m just sayin’ that you can’t put that in a book.) 17-18 is pushing it. On the other hand, if she’s 19+, then a rescue team might be in the works… but other conditions need to be met.
Another factor involved is why the resistance would want to help Hunter in the first place. Why would they risk a dangerous mission to help a man who has been fighting in Indy’s army, albeit unwillingly? What’s in it for them?
Also, even if those two conditions are met, why should she be the one leading the team? If these people have been fighting Indy for as long as implied, why not let someone with a little more experience lead? Why would put a teenager, likely sheltered, new to the game, inexperienced and naive, in command of people who do stuff like this for a living? Now, I’m not saying that all of this can’t be worked out. But at face value, there isn’t a lot of believability in what you’re trying to say.
One more thing unrelated to your questions: what kind of kid grows up next to a cave and doesn’t explore it? That’s every child’s dream!
I’m not saying all these things can’t be worked through; actually, they shouldn’t be that hard to figure out with a little imagination. You might already know the answers to these questions, and there’s obviously a lot more about the world and the characters that I don’t know. But these are some of the things that I noticed from your blurb.
Hope that was helpful 🙂
We should totally do that! Tag me if you get around to it!
@trahia-the-minstrel yesssss!!!!! DO IT!!!!!
#IfMarcelDiesIRiot
#ProtectMarcel
#ProtectSebThat sounds really interesting! Something I would check out of the library. I love the Rouge One idea honestly. It doesn’t sound cliché at all. I also love all the internal conflict being presented in such a short synopsis. It attaches me to the story.
Faith does bring up a lot of good points, however. Why would a rebel group want to help her? Or why not? Wouldn’t Torrent have to through extensive training to survive a day as a rebel? That would mean you’d have to take some time in the story to be building her relationship with the rebels.
It has loads of potential though!
A wolf is a wolf,
even in a cage,
even dressed in silk.@godlyfantasy12 Thanks, and that’s a good idea!
@jodi-maile Thank you!
@trahia-the-minstrel That actually is a good idea.
@e-k-seaver There are multiple species of creatures as well as humans in the story, and they each have a different naming system. So that’s why my names are really weird.
@faith-q “One more thing unrelated to your questions: what kind of kid grows up next to a cave and doesn’t explore it? That’s every child’s dream!” The one problem is that the title of the story IS Into The Forbidden Cavern, so that might explain a bit. And Torrent is only 14 or 15 but she does have a 21-year-old cousin (who’s more like a brother to her) who ends up working for the rebellion, so if anything he would help her. But it does seem like the answers would lean toward them saying no.
@millennium I was thinking that exactly. My first draft had her helping them straight off, but a friend pointed out that didn’t make sense.……And just mentioning Rogue One gets everyone interested, didn’t it?
Where'd I get ya this time? The liver? The kidney? I'm runnin' outta places to put holes in ya.
I think this is very interesting! Love where you’re going with Torrent, Indy, and this mysterious cave of rebels. Beaumont sounds like he’s going to be a great side companion too, but what I find really neat about this is the involvement with Indy and the possibility of Torrent getting an alliance from these rebels to find her father who she just got hope that he was yet alive. It’s intriguing, and an adventure with these characters in a Sci-fi fantasy world sounds super cool. I’d love to hear the character and world explanations when you decide to share:) 🙂
I tried to write the descriptions of what my main characters looked like, but the site signed me out and I lost all my work! I’ll try again in a few minutes.
Where'd I get ya this time? The liver? The kidney? I'm runnin' outta places to put holes in ya.
Ah, I am very late to the conversation…*facepalm*
Your premise sounds amazing, Keilah! I think that either way you write it could be interesting, but them saying “no” could add a lot to the story. Faith has a lot of good points, but I love your story idea! Wishing you the best with this story! 🙂
@lydia-s It’s all right! At some point, I’ll post the character sketches so you and the others can see them!
Where'd I get ya this time? The liver? The kidney? I'm runnin' outta places to put holes in ya.
Ooo, can’t wait to see them!
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