WIP First 3 Chapters

[relia]

@nanisnook

First of all – that was really good! It was interesting and engaging, and I was hooked  why did you leave us on a cliffhanger I am so curious now lol !

Ember is quite likeable. I agree with what some of the others have said, seeing her emotions a little more clearly would be nice, but overall, I thought she was a great character. She seems very talented, and I personally have a vendetta against heroines who have no vulnerabilities – but I’m sure you’ve got more planned for Ember, so I’m not worried about that. Don’t be afraid to show your character’s flaws clearly, it really does make them more relatable and likeable! 😉

I do not know anything about sword fighting (besides what I’ve learned from hitting my brothers with sticks when we were children), so I won’t be much help there 😉 but I did think that I, as a non sword-fighter, could understand and follow the fight well. So I’d say the scene is engaging, but also simple enough to be understood by someone who doesn’t have expertise in this area.

I was going to say more, but I stopped in the middle of writing this and now I can’t remember what I was going to say, so I’ll end here. :/ Really enjoyed the story, though, I would love to read the next chapters if/when you’re ready to share them!

I can't think of anything witty at the moment.

[Natalie C.]

@relia

Thanks so much!! I was actually just arguing with my friend about if Ember should react in anger, which gets her captured and her brother sort of killed, or if she should wait until she has to to fight. And, as much as it hurt me, she reacted out of anger. So now I have to go write the consequences of her actions XD. Idk if that counts as a flaw, but I’m hoping it does because that’s kinda what her character development revolves around.

Anyway, thank you so, so much for critiquing it. It was definitely a help!!

Be still and know that I am God. Psalm 46:10

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