WIP First 3 Chapters

[Natalie C.]

Would anyone mind reading over the first 3 chapters of my new WIP and critiquing them? It’s fantasy (kinda) and set in medieval times. It’s name is temporarily Ember’s Story.

Here’s the link… (also, this is my first time using Google Docs, so I’m not sure if it’s all working)

https://docs.google.com/document/d/1L701PROjZuEfRCyodasjYq3x4MJq_Q4btm7EwhFv_-M/edit?usp=sharing

I’m not nervous. Are you nervous? Nope, no nervousness over here!

 

Be still and know that I am God. Psalm 46:10

[Alexa Autorski]

@nanisnook

First of all, I think that’s so brave of you to be posting your first three chapters!! 🙂 I know it can be scary to let other people see your work, and it’s totally normal to feel nervous about this (I know I did), but I would LOVE to read through your chapters!! I can already tell you’re such a talented writer. 😉 And I love fantasy and medieval-styled things as well!! I absolutely adore the name Ember’s Story because it sounds so interesting, and–Oops, I should stop rambling now, huh?

Anyways, I may not get to it before tomorrow (I’ll have much more time then), but I will read through the chapters and I most certainly will give you feedback on them!! Thank you for giving me the honor of reading it!! 🙂

[Jodi Maile]

@nanisnook

Hey there! I’d love to read your first three chapters! It’s super brave of you to put your writing out there.

If you don’t mind my asking, is there anything specific that you’re looking for feedback on? Or are you trying to get a general impression of reader interest?

Anyway, I’m super excited to read your chapters!

[relia]

@nanisnook

I’d love to read over it! I’ll try to write up a comment on it before the weekend! And like Jodi said, what exactly are you looking for critique on? Totally ok to literally just want any comments that come to our minds, but if you wanted historical accuracy, or more specific stuff, lemme know so I can read through with that in mind. :))

And super, super brave putting it out there, and being open to suggestions! I need to follow your example lol

I can't think of anything witty at the moment.

[Natalie C.]

@writerlexi1216 @jodi-maile @relia

Thank you all so much!! I suppose the main thing that I want critiqued is the main character, Ember. That’s she’s likable enough, I suppose. Also, I haven’t written in 1st person before, and I just want to be sure that everything is clear in that person. Oh, and there’s a sword fight in chapter 3, and I haven’t fought with a sword a day in my life, so I just want to know if it sounds believable enough. And then just anything else that you guys see, of course.

Again, thank you so, so much. I was very nervous and you’ve all helped me not to be. Thanks!!!

Be still and know that I am God. Psalm 46:10

[Jodi Maile]

Hi @nanisnook! I finished reading your chapters and wrote up some of my thoughts:

I really liked your chapters. Ember is a likable main character and her brother is also likable! I did feel a bit like the chapters went by pretty quickly with a lot of action (which was nicely done, by the way!) but not quite as many internal moments to pause and reflect on what was going on and why certain things were happening the way they were. In my opinion, seeing a bit more of Ember’s normal life, her conflicts with her family, and her motive behind her goals to leave her town in the first chapter/s could potentially help the reader connect with her even more and make her even more sympathetic 🙂

I really liked the way you dropped details about world building that made the setting feel real and lived-in. I also enjoyed the detail you put into the backstories of some of the items that the characters interacted with (the table her father built and her dagger).

The quick pace of these first chapters was nice! At times, I felt myself wanting to slow down just a bit to get a little more information about the war. I was a tad confused about what was happening there, why there was a war, what the enemy wanted, etc. Of course, these are all things that could be explored in further detail later in the story, but I felt like if a little more explanation about the war was given, the arrival of the Krutuns might feel even more impactful and terrifying for the reader and characters alike at the end of the third chapter.

All these things are my own opinion, of course. I really liked the story and I wanted it to continue when I finished the third chapter! I need to know what happens to Ember and her family! I’d love to read more of your writing in the future.

[Jodi Maile]

A few other notes because I apparently can’t keep them all in one post

It has occurred to me that no war was mentioned, and that I assumed there was a war because Ember’s brother was in the army and Ember’s family kept a bunch of weapons around. So, disregard my comments if there is no war…

Also, your sword fighting scene was great! I was actually thinking to myself that you must know a lot about writing sword fighting when I was reading it (I used to fence, so I read sword fight scenes critically XD)

[Natalie C.]

@jodi-maile

Thank you so much!! Especially about the sword fight. It’s great to hear that it was good from someone that used to do it!

To explain about the war, there technically isn’t one yet. Her brother is just in the army responding to little things like the raids. There will be a bigger war toward the end of the book. It’s good to know that it was confusing, and I will go back in and add some more details. 🙂

More enternal moments is also a really good idea! I’ll be sure to add some more in after I kinda get the story out of me.

Thank you so, so much for reading them and making my first critique easier than I thought it would be!! <333

Be still and know that I am God. Psalm 46:10

[Issabelle Perry]

@nanisnook

Girl, I’d love to read your first three chapters!!! EEEEKKK!!!! I actually can’t wait, but I’m super busy today, so I probably won’t be able to get to it tomorrow, if that’s okay!! <3333 🙂 Is there anything specific you’d like me to look for?

God gives His hardest battles to His strongest soldiers.
TeenWritersNook.com

[Jodi Maile]

@nanisnook

Of course, and thank you so much for letting me read your story! I had a lot of fun and I think your chapters are off to a great start! 🙂

[Natalie C.]

@issawriter7

That would be awesome!! Whenever you could get to it would be great. What I’m looking for… I suppose especially the main character, Ember. If she’s a good character or not. And then, just if it reads smoothly enough being in 1st person.

Thank you so much!! <333

Be still and know that I am God. Psalm 46:10

[Faith Q.]

@nanisnook,

Your writing is really, really good! I enjoyed the fast pace. Ember and her brother are certainly very likeable, and the first person perspective is very clear. But I think I agree with @jodi-maile. You may need to pause a bit more a reflect on what’s going on in Ember’s head instead of focusing entirely on external things. Besides that, it was really, really good! (Sorry, I just realized I said that at the beginning… oh well. Your writing is really, really good :))

[Natalie C.]

@faith-q
Thank you! I’ll be sure to add in some more internal…uh..ness? Thanks so, so much for reading it!! <333

Be still and know that I am God. Psalm 46:10

[Natalie C.]

@faith-q
Also, I just got your email about wanting access. That was you, right? So sorry I didn’t see it till now. You were able to see it, right?

Be still and know that I am God. Psalm 46:10

[Faith Q.]

Yeah, I was able to see it. I just offered my suggestions in comment form instead of on the document itself 🙂

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