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Hi all!
Hereās another poem that I wrote a little while ago. Iād love to hear what yāall think! Specifically on line breaks (againā see a pattern) as well as if there are any lines that seem irrelevant or out of place. Thanks! Yāall rock.
Authors are those
who have traveled into so many souls
that when they reach out
they brush against anotherās with the tips
of their fingers.
Authors can,
while spreading their nets
to capture hearts and minds,
communicate something meaningful
through something as roughly hewn
as a wild string of shapes and viscous ideologies,
thrust through a system that only has 26 inputs
and fewer combinations that result in more than gibberish.
Authors are enigmatic wordsmiths,
rangers in a world abounding with royals,
who use words as swords
and pens like axes,
taking down the foes of a flawed people
without ever allowing a whisper to escape from their thin, pressed lips.
Authors are superheroes
who wear ink-smears and glasses
instead of spandex and brazen glory,
who drink coffee instead of margaritas,
who collect words and books
instead of trouble and bottle caps.
They are a people who see everything,
collecting vibrant strands of truth embedded in grey obscurity,
faithfully telling the blind of scarlet roses and golden rainā
a people for whom eraser dust
is the shrapnel of their silent warā
a people who will watch quietly
as the world, in all its glory and depravity,
spins out of control
and still believe
its worth saving.
"When enemies attack your kingdom you don't flee you show them why it's your kingdom. With your lightsaber."
Oohā¦ wow. There are other people like me out there! YAY! Actually I knew that as soon as I first found KPā¦ and it was so encouragingā¦ anyway.
I really love the theme of this poem (of course, since I can relate to it!) and it was very well put across.
There was one line I noticed whose cadence twisted a little oddlyā āwithout ever allowing a whisper to escape from their thin, pressed lips.ā It might sound better if you went with āWhile never allowing a whisper to escape from their thin, pressed lips.ā Nothing major. Just nitpicking.And I donāt drink coffee. ;D š
This is my favorite part: āa people who will watch quietly/as the world, in all its glory and depravity/spins out of control/and still believe/itās worth saving.ā
Iām kind of terrible at critiquing poetry, since I donāt really know what Iām doing there. But yeah, the line breaks feel a little choppy at times. Could just be me though.
Love the message. š
@kate-flournoy: lol! Yes, you are definitely in good company. Awesome, thanks for the suggestion. That was one of the lines I was actually poking with like āwhy are you not doing the things I want you to do, hmm?ā I also donāt drink coffee (well, I kind of donātā like, only when someoneās like āletās go get coffeeā and itās a social obligation), but shhhhh, else the coffeeholics find us and assimilate us.
xD
@wordfitlyspoken: Thanks! Thatās my favorite part too š Okay, cool. Yes, I shall work on those linebreak things. š I definitely agree that theyāre a little (if not a lot) choppy here and there. š-
This reply was modified 8 years, 6 months ago by .
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This reply was modified 8 years, 6 months ago by .
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This reply was modified 8 years, 6 months ago by .
"When enemies attack your kingdom you don't flee you show them why it's your kingdom. With your lightsaber."
Ugh, it always gets rid of the link. Letās modify it a bit then: http://www.pinterest(dot)com/pin/492229434252014260/
@wordfitlyspoken We should start a club. xD āThe Writers Who (Quietly) Donāt Drink Coffeeā Also, no, I donāt mind at all! I totally just followed you on pinterest by the way. š
"When enemies attack your kingdom you don't flee you show them why it's your kingdom. With your lightsaber."
Yes, yes we should.
And I had to go look in the āfollowersā tab since I have notifications turned off for people I donāt follow. š Found you! I kind of quote everyone and everything on Pinterest these daysā¦sometimes I forget to ask first. Whoops. Hehe, glad you donāt mind!
āThe pen is mightier than the swordā¦ā āā¦But I really like swords.ā RIGHT NEXT TO EACH OTHER.
Okay. Youāre officially awesome.
lol! Yeah, sometimes Iāll go on a quote kick myself where Iām like āLOOK AT ALL THE SMART SAYINGS OF THE SMART PEOPLE! LOOK AT THEM! LOOOOOOOOK.ā And then I think, āWow, really could have picked a better senior quote.ā XD And yesssss! Now we can officially share the nerdy things.
XD I canāt take credit for that idea. My lit teacher gave everyone āsuperlativesā at the end of my junior year, and thatās what he gave me. š I use it everywhere I can xD
"When enemies attack your kingdom you don't flee you show them why it's your kingdom. With your lightsaber."
LOVE this poem. o_O Wow. Great job, Sarah!
I donāt have a lot to correct, but thereās one line:rangers in a world abounding with royals,
Itās a good line, but I just think it could be a little better. The start of ārangers in a worldā¦ā could be taken a lot of places, and not all authors write medieval fiction. š
I love the end of that poem. And I love the word āwordsmithsā and the part
who use words as swords
and pens like axes,I did think the next line taking down the foes of a flawed people was a little confusing.
And I donāt drink coffee eitherā¦hot chocolate is my thing. š
INTJ - Inhumane. No-feelings. Terrible. Judgment and doom on everyone.
And I love Pinterest. I just followed you, @wordfitlyspoken and was surprised to see you were part of the Rizkaland Legends board too. š And I love your boards too, @Spradlin. Iāll have to look though them sometimeā¦
INTJ - Inhumane. No-feelings. Terrible. Judgment and doom on everyone.
@writefury Thank you, Rosey! lol! Yeah, that thought has crossed my mind. Iāll have to think about a good way to change itā¦ Maybe I can add a footnote. āCheck out John Flanaganās ārangersāā š
@hope Thanks!! Gotcha, Iāll work on that. š And fabulous! I shall also follow you on the pinterest things. š (Yassssss! Hot chocolate for the win!)"When enemies attack your kingdom you don't flee you show them why it's your kingdom. With your lightsaber."
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