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Hi all!
Here’s another poem that I wrote a little while ago. I’d love to hear what y’all think! Specifically on line breaks (again– see a pattern) as well as if there are any lines that seem irrelevant or out of place. Thanks! Y’all rock.
Authors are those
who have traveled into so many souls
that when they reach out
they brush against another’s with the tips
of their fingers.
Authors can,
while spreading their nets
to capture hearts and minds,
communicate something meaningful
through something as roughly hewn
as a wild string of shapes and viscous ideologies,
thrust through a system that only has 26 inputs
and fewer combinations that result in more than gibberish.
Authors are enigmatic wordsmiths,
rangers in a world abounding with royals,
who use words as swords
and pens like axes,
taking down the foes of a flawed people
without ever allowing a whisper to escape from their thin, pressed lips.
Authors are superheroes
who wear ink-smears and glasses
instead of spandex and brazen glory,
who drink coffee instead of margaritas,
who collect words and books
instead of trouble and bottle caps.
They are a people who see everything,
collecting vibrant strands of truth embedded in grey obscurity,
faithfully telling the blind of scarlet roses and golden rain—
a people for whom eraser dust
is the shrapnel of their silent war—
a people who will watch quietly
as the world, in all its glory and depravity,
spins out of control
and still believe
its worth saving.
"When enemies attack your kingdom you don't flee you show them why it's your kingdom. With your lightsaber."
Ooh… wow. There are other people like me out there! YAY! Actually I knew that as soon as I first found KP… and it was so encouraging… anyway.
I really love the theme of this poem (of course, since I can relate to it!) and it was very well put across.
There was one line I noticed whose cadence twisted a little oddly— ‘without ever allowing a whisper to escape from their thin, pressed lips.’ It might sound better if you went with ‘While never allowing a whisper to escape from their thin, pressed lips.’ Nothing major. Just nitpicking.And I don’t drink coffee. ;D 😛
This is my favorite part: “a people who will watch quietly/as the world, in all its glory and depravity/spins out of control/and still believe/it’s worth saving.”
I’m kind of terrible at critiquing poetry, since I don’t really know what I’m doing there. But yeah, the line breaks feel a little choppy at times. Could just be me though.
Love the message. 🙂
@kate-flournoy: lol! Yes, you are definitely in good company. Awesome, thanks for the suggestion. That was one of the lines I was actually poking with like “why are you not doing the things I want you to do, hmm?” I also don’t drink coffee (well, I kind of don’t– like, only when someone’s like “let’s go get coffee” and it’s a social obligation), but shhhhh, else the coffeeholics find us and assimilate us.
xD
@wordfitlyspoken: Thanks! That’s my favorite part too 😀 Okay, cool. Yes, I shall work on those linebreak things. 🙂 I definitely agree that they’re a little (if not a lot) choppy here and there. 🙂-
This reply was modified 9 years, 2 months ago by .
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This reply was modified 9 years, 2 months ago by .
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This reply was modified 9 years, 2 months ago by .
"When enemies attack your kingdom you don't flee you show them why it's your kingdom. With your lightsaber."
Ugh, it always gets rid of the link. Let’s modify it a bit then: http://www.pinterest(dot)com/pin/492229434252014260/
@wordfitlyspoken We should start a club. xD “The Writers Who (Quietly) Don’t Drink Coffee” Also, no, I don’t mind at all! I totally just followed you on pinterest by the way. 😀
"When enemies attack your kingdom you don't flee you show them why it's your kingdom. With your lightsaber."
Yes, yes we should.
And I had to go look in the “followers” tab since I have notifications turned off for people I don’t follow. 😛 Found you! I kind of quote everyone and everything on Pinterest these days…sometimes I forget to ask first. Whoops. Hehe, glad you don’t mind!
“The pen is mightier than the sword…” “…But I really like swords.” RIGHT NEXT TO EACH OTHER.
Okay. You’re officially awesome.
lol! Yeah, sometimes I’ll go on a quote kick myself where I’m like “LOOK AT ALL THE SMART SAYINGS OF THE SMART PEOPLE! LOOK AT THEM! LOOOOOOOOK.” And then I think, “Wow, really could have picked a better senior quote.” XD And yesssss! Now we can officially share the nerdy things.
XD I can’t take credit for that idea. My lit teacher gave everyone “superlatives” at the end of my junior year, and that’s what he gave me. 🙂 I use it everywhere I can xD
"When enemies attack your kingdom you don't flee you show them why it's your kingdom. With your lightsaber."
LOVE this poem. o_O Wow. Great job, Sarah!
I don’t have a lot to correct, but there’s one line:rangers in a world abounding with royals,
It’s a good line, but I just think it could be a little better. The start of “rangers in a world…” could be taken a lot of places, and not all authors write medieval fiction. 😛
I love the end of that poem. And I love the word ‘wordsmiths’ and the part
who use words as swords
and pens like axes,I did think the next line taking down the foes of a flawed people was a little confusing.
And I don’t drink coffee either…hot chocolate is my thing. 🙂
INTJ - Inhumane. No-feelings. Terrible. Judgment and doom on everyone.
And I love Pinterest. I just followed you, @wordfitlyspoken and was surprised to see you were part of the Rizkaland Legends board too. 🙂 And I love your boards too, @Spradlin. I’ll have to look though them sometime…
INTJ - Inhumane. No-feelings. Terrible. Judgment and doom on everyone.
@writefury Thank you, Rosey! lol! Yeah, that thought has crossed my mind. I’ll have to think about a good way to change it… Maybe I can add a footnote. “Check out John Flanagan’s “rangers”” 😀
@hope Thanks!! Gotcha, I’ll work on that. 🙂 And fabulous! I shall also follow you on the pinterest things. 🙂 (Yassssss! Hot chocolate for the win!)"When enemies attack your kingdom you don't flee you show them why it's your kingdom. With your lightsaber."
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