Home Page › Forums › Fiction Writing › Critiques › Novel Critique Requests › The Narrow Path Trilogy – Book II: The Sword
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Linus Smallprint.
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March 14, 2025 at 10:32 pm #200054
Lucky. I wish we got more snow. It’s been in the 70s today. Beautiful, but I want to go sledding.
Any salad can be a Caesar salad if you stab it hard enough.
March 15, 2025 at 6:59 am #200058No soup…….?
*paces around room. Tries to understand why that’s funny. Knows that once it is explained I will remember why it was funny*
No half-heartedness and no worldly fear must turn us aside from following the light unflinchingly.
March 15, 2025 at 11:15 am #200077It’s 18 degrees Celcius outside and the warmest thing I wore today was a sweatshirt.
*chuckles because I get to say I’m Canadian whilst living in a Southern area of Canada*
Cheater.
Spoken like someone who doesn’t get 7 months of winter a year. I would happily swap my weather for yours, but this is the way it is. Oh well.
No soup…….?
The Soup Nazi. You have to behave yourself very well in his restaurant, otherwise, “No Soup for you!”
Sometimes it is necessary to paint the sky black in order to see the stars.
March 15, 2025 at 11:20 am #200078Oh my word.
😂
No half-heartedness and no worldly fear must turn us aside from following the light unflinchingly.
March 15, 2025 at 12:40 pm #200086@ellette-giselle @whalekeeper @theducktator @keilah-h @stephie
Chapter the 1st is out!
Sometimes it is necessary to paint the sky black in order to see the stars.
March 15, 2025 at 6:47 pm #200117@linus-smallprint great job! I gave you some edits and suggestions.
"When in doubt, eat cheese crackers."-me to my charries who don't even know about cheese crackers
March 20, 2025 at 3:59 pm #200469@ellette-giselle @whalekeeper @theducktator @keilah-h @stephie
Chapter 3 is out!
Sometimes it is necessary to paint the sky black in order to see the stars.
March 20, 2025 at 4:00 pm #200470Hip Hip!
No half-heartedness and no worldly fear must turn us aside from following the light unflinchingly.
March 20, 2025 at 4:04 pm #200472Here is my explanation for Tyn’s behaviour. I don’t know how well you will be able to read this, so let me know if you need me to clarify anything:
What I forgot to mention here is that one of Tyn’s biggest fears is being controlled. Cyrus turns her against Alan, and she doesn’t want to admit it, so she is trying to justify it. (Being controlled is one of my biggest fears as well, and I am also stubborn, so this is something that makes sense to me. But maybe you have a better idea.)
Sometimes it is necessary to paint the sky black in order to see the stars.
March 20, 2025 at 4:16 pm #200474@linus-smallprint interesting! So his mother is probably trying to get him to use his magic. Why has she not gone more or less crazy like the other wizards yet? (Or has she and we just haven’t seen that yet.)
Why was she in the form of a crow instead of being half human? Did she use more magic than her husband and son or was it something else? Was it her idea to start magic, or Charles’? (I don’t think it was Alan’s, was it?)
"When in doubt, eat cheese crackers."-me to my charries who don't even know about cheese crackers
March 20, 2025 at 9:35 pm #200493Yay!
Spoken like someone who doesn’t get 7 months of winter a year. I would happily swap my weather for yours, but this is the way it is. Oh well.
I used to want to move to Canada so I would get more snow. I’ve decided I’m too loyal to the USA, but I’ll probably live in the mountains at least.
Any salad can be a Caesar salad if you stab it hard enough.
March 21, 2025 at 9:45 am #200506So you’re saying she is motivated by independence, realizes this command from the king makes her look controlled, and so tries to justify it through her own moral code to still feel independent? Makes sense. But is something keeping her from switching sides in the first place? (Just digging a little)
"If I don't like something, it's probably sanctification. Ugh." -E.C.S.
March 21, 2025 at 10:40 am #200509I spent my whole shower time thinking about this and I can explain a little better. Taking quotes from Book 1.
Chapter the 5th
Tyn watched her friend. She did not know what to say to him. Every time he had gotten in a mood like this before, she had told him he had full control over whether or not he used magic. Now she wondered if he really might give in a magic one day. Would her friendship be rewarded with harm?
Soldiers left the training area to start their shifts. Some had the day off but showed no interest in staying by Alan’s side. While she was not certain she could trust Alan anymore, Tyn realized she could not leave his side either. That might destroy him, leading him back to magic. He needed a friend right now, and she was going to stick with him, even if she had no idea what else to do. The others were cowards, fearing more for themselves than Alan. […]
“And you know I’m with you as well Alan,” Tyn said, coming forward. “You would never use magic intentionally, wizard or not, and I will make sure you don’t learn anything accidentally. I’ll destroy every spellbook out there if I have to.” She felt silly for having doubted her friend. Of course, he would not dream up any magic in his sleep.
Tyn is clearly against magic from the beginning of the book. But more importantly, she knows that Alan’s magic – for him – is like her kentor instincts. She encourages complete independence on his part… which is cool because this is a consistent part of her character.
This on its own does not mean Tyn wouldn’t change her mind about magic. But she takes independence a step further here, in Chapter the 10th:
“They were lawbreakers, Tyn.”
“So were you! We both know using magic is illegal. And these people here, they did not seem like bad people.”
[…]
“Tyn, I was just doing the job we were given. We were ordered to arrest these people. They are disrupting the peace of this land.” Alan looked off to the side again and saw that the other soldiers had disappeared around a corner. Why would she not just let him go?
“Is that how heroes think, Alan? Do they blindly follow orders without any thoughts of their own? Or do they stop to consider if what they are being told to do is right? Did those people look like troublemakers to you or did you assume they were bad because the law said so?”
“You’re acting like you know these people were innocent.” Alan struggled to remove her hand again. “What if they were murderers or thieves? Would you be defending them as well?”
Tyn tightened her grip on his arm. “Alan, all I’m asking is that you at least give these people-”
“Enough!” Alan pushed her back.
Tyn is the voice of reasoning and moral independence. Alan is just doing what he’s told, but she thinks through this and questions the authorities. From this part alone, I can tell she wants soldiers to follow what they think is right, by reasoning for themselves. She also understands things are not always what they seem.
So while the threat of Iskyagus is understandably a problem, Tyn is not the kind of person to blindly assume a ‘good’ and a ‘bad’ side. I’m not sure if her behavior in Book 2 is consistent with her previous actions.
Tyn brushed some hair from her face.
On a side note, I want to know what a kentor with hair looks like. XD
"If I don't like something, it's probably sanctification. Ugh." -E.C.S.
March 21, 2025 at 11:43 am #200521Most of your questions will be answered in the next section. Thank you for your feedback!
Sometimes it is necessary to paint the sky black in order to see the stars.
March 21, 2025 at 11:44 am #200522There is always Alaska.
Sometimes it is necessary to paint the sky black in order to see the stars.
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