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I am very much behind, but reading the rest of it all at once will give me an idea of your pacing, too. Will get to it soon and will give feedback!
The question you accused of being AI generated may be the only one on there that is not.
Bruuuhhh
I am out of signature ideas
Which character(s) did you find the most compelling/relatable/believable and why?
I related most to Martha and her struggles being the eldest. James is my favorite though.
Were there any character(s) you struggled to connect with?
Other than Sara’s conversations with James, I didn’t feel like she was fully developed.
Did Alan and the other character’s motivations and actions feel believable?
Yes
Were the relationships between characters well-developed and meaningful?
Yes
Were there any characters you wanted to see more of?
Charles…? I also really like that crazy scientist. I hope to see more of him in book 3
Did any characters feel unnecessary to the story?
No
Was the plot engaging? Which parts did you find the hardest to put down?
Yes. The climax at the end.
Did the pacing feel consistent throughout the book? If not, where did it lag or feel dull?
Yes
Were there any plot twists or surprises that stood out to you?
Eric losing his memories was a surprise. The turning-into-a-kunulf thing would have been a surprise if I hadn’t helped with the outline.
Was the ending fitting and satisfying, or did you feel it came too suddenly?
It fit well, and wrapped up everything nicely.
Were any parts of the story confusing or difficult to follow?
Not really
Were there any unresolved plot threads you wish had been dealt with in this book?
No
Was the worldbuilding clear and immersive?
Yes
Did it feel incomplete in any area?
No
Were the rules of the world (e.g., magic, fantasy races, laws) explained well?
I think so, but the worldbuilding in books is not something I pay attention to as much.
Did the integration of Christian themes into the fantasy world feel natural?
Yes
Did any parts of the world feel unessasary? Do you think any parts of the worldbuilding should be cut out?
No
Was the balance between action and description effective in creating the world?
Yes
Any topics you recommend I research to improve worldbuilding and make it more realistic?
No
Any theological concerns for the story?
I’d suggest bringing in the Trinity a bit more. At times it sounds like The Great King, The Saviour, and The Helper are separate beings.
Did this book balance storytelling with faith well? How do you feel about the way it portrayed God?
Yes. I thought it portrayed God well.
What would you say the main morals of the story were?
God’s forgiveness, trusting God, and needing community.
Did this story make you think about anything you hadn’t before?
No
What was your favourite part of the book overall?
James, especially at the climax.
Which scenes do you think would benefit the most from illustrations?
Cyrus’s repentance, Martha and Eric’s reunion, Clio’s shattering, James riding Iskyagus, Charles before his death, one of Martha and Alan’s conversations, Alan being drawn towards the crystal, the professor at work.
What would you say the target audience of this book would be?
Upper MG to lower YA, but could be enjoyed by younger and older kids as well. It felt a bit like something my dad would do for a readaloud.
Do you anticipate book three?
Yes
So far, do you prefer book one or two? Please explain your preference.
Two. I really enjoyed the interactions between the main characters, and that twist with Eric.
Any predictions or things you would like to happen for book 3 and its characters
I predict at least one lovable character dies, Eric and Alan are returned to their original states, Martha and Alan get together, Iskyagus is defeated, and we find out more of Jade. I hope the professor returns. I love him.
?For our Blessed Lady's sake, bring us in good ale!?
All right! Thank you for the feedback! This is helpful!
Sometimes it is necessary to paint the sky black in order to see the stars.
Okay, thank you!
Sometimes it is necessary to paint the sky black in order to see the stars.
Alright, here is my feedback!
~ Which character(s) did you find the most compelling/relatable/believable and why?
You know Tyn and Cyrus were my favorites from the previous book. In this book, I enjoyed James and Eric (post-memory wipe), both for their enthusiasm. Iskyagus was fun as well for the brief moment he was there.
~ Were there any character(s) you struggled to connect with?
At first I thought Cyrus was faking his change of heart. You can see my initial reactions in the document. I feel like his change came too quickly and took away from his personality too much.
Also didn’t connect with Sara, see farther below.
~ Did Alan and the other character’s motivations and actions feel believable?
They were believable enough for the most part. The whole main group made sense. Tyn and Oliver still do not make much sense, but I suppose they aren’t sure of their own beliefs.
~ Were the relationships between characters well-developed and meaningful?
I like seeing characters who agree on some things but disagree on others. I want to commend you for having villains with multiple perspectives throughout these books. It makes them feel more lively even when you didn’t expand their roles too much. I would like to see an antihero who mostly sides with Alan but disagrees with him about enough things to be an antihero. But anyway – point is, you’re doing this well!
~ Were there any characters you wanted to see more of?
Tyn. ‘Nuff said.
Also… I guess I would have liked more subtle connections made between Cyrus and Cleo? I got the sense Cleo (and Alex, I think his name was?) had something to do with Cyrus’ change. If you’d done that before Cyrus’ redemption, you could have implied reasoning behind his change. Like maybe he cared for Cleo and now sees the harm in using magic regardless of intent. I don’t know how that would work.
~ Did any characters feel unnecessary to the story?
I hate to say it, but Sara didn’t have much of a role at all. Any kind of perspective or experience she might have was already represented through James. I forgot she was there sometimes. And half of me thinks she needs to be removed. *Covers face* I’m sorry, I know she added a sibling dynamic for James, but I just don’t think it’s worth it.
~ Was the plot engaging? Which parts did you find the hardest to put down?
I don’t remember any parts pulling me more than others. I read at a consistent pace.
~ Did the pacing feel consistent throughout the book? If not, where did it lag or feel dull?
Hmmm, can’t think of any spots.
~ Were there any plot twists or surprises that stood out to you?
Nothing in particular, but I already knew about some of them before I started the book.
~ Was the ending fitting and satisfying, or did you feel it came too suddenly?
It was alright, no complaints there!
~ Were any parts of the story confusing or difficult to follow?
The action scenes were almost always disjointed, I’m afraid. But hey, action scenes are always confusing in first drafts.
~ Were there any unresolved plot threads you wish had been dealt with in this book?
None I can think of.
~ Was the worldbuilding clear and immersive?
Yes, your worldbuilding has always been nicely straightforward and easy to picture!
~ Did it feel incomplete in any area?
No
~ Were the rules of the world (e.g., magic, fantasy races, laws) explained well?
Some of the magic could be clearer, like when the professor used the crystals or when magic had no effect on some of the characters.
~ Did the integration of Christian themes into the fantasy world feel natural?
I’m not the best person to ask because I don’t read many fantasies with an alternate Christianity. Some of the characters’ redemptions were simpler than normal redemptions are, and maybe that’s what you were going for? Can’t say.
~ Did any parts of the world feel unnecessary?
Nope!
~ Do you think any parts of the worldbuilding should be cut out?
Nope. If anything, add more when you want to!
~ Was the balance between action and description effective in creating the world?
Yep! (Sorry about the one-word answers. XD) Like I said above, you could go in more depth with descriptions if you wanted to – like when they enter new towns. “The crisp winter sun made the roofs of the town sparkle with frost” or stuff like that. But your writing voice in this story has a certain quality to it that allows you to omit stuff like this and still be entertaining! So this is up to your storytelling preference.
~ Any topics you recommend I research to improve worldbuilding and make it more realistic?
None I can think of.
~ Any theological concerns for the story?
~ Did this book balance storytelling with faith well? How do you feel about the way it portrayed God?
~ What would you say the main morals of the story were?
~ Did this story make you think about anything you hadn’t before?
Combining all of this into a little summary: It’s alright. I have no theological concerns, and it has a straightforward message. I’m still thinking through my opinions about faith in storytelling – it’s been years and I still don’t know what I think about it. The best I can say is, you managed to be entertaining and write Christian fantasy at the same time, which is harder than writing just an entertaining fantasy.
~ What was your favourite part of the book overall?
I can’t say I had a favorite part in the story. There were little bits now and then that combined into something fun, like James’ sense of humor or the invented words.
~ Which scenes do you think would benefit the most from illustrations?
I’d have to think about it, lol.
~ What would you say the target audience of this book would be?
12-15 year olds. More or less, depending on the kid.
~ Do you anticipate book three?
Sure! But not for a while; my reading comprehension is all tuckered out.
~ So far, do you prefer book one or two? Please explain your preference.
I’m not sure. The first book is more memorable for me because that’s where all the worldbuilding was introduced for the first time.
~ Any predictions or things you would like to happen for book 3 and its characters
I don’t know what I want, exactly. But here are random predictions:
– Any main characters who haven’t fully joined Alan’s faith will do so
– Jade continues to be a helicopter mother
– The group meets the new king at some point
– Iskyagus finds some way to make people into horribly mixed up monsters
– Eric sacrifices himself
And yeah, that’s what I got!
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