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@linus-smallprint I don’t know. It’s just that you only talk about Alan and Tyn having a redemptive journey (although I suppose that’s only because they’re the main characters), and Alan literally just arrested a Christian couple for existing, so I thought if Alan becomes a Christian somewhere down the line, how accepting will Oliver be of that, considering that’s what they were hunting down?
so yeah, I’m terrible at deducing characters’ future reactions and intentions
Where'd I get ya this time? The liver? The kidney? I'm runnin' outta places to put holes in ya.
HEY, THANKS SO MUCH! You know, that’s the first time anyone has ever said that to me.
So far I have no problem besides the ones I already mentioned, and honestly I’ll have to see where you take the story. I would say that right now we all trust Oliver as a very good character, so I would start to bring out more of him being a worldly-wise-man. You see, we pity him after what happened, we love him for sticking with Alan, we enjoy him because he’s funny, and so you have us readers starting to form a strong loyalty to him, and sometimes that is an easy trap where we start believing everything he says. So, start pulling out more of his flaw as we go, and have others disagree with him. Maybe Tyn. we trust her. Or the innkeeper’s daughter. Or maybe one of the Christians. Alan and us readers will want to defend Oliver if you have it one of the Christians, but it could also be a cool way to open the reader’s (and eventually Alan’s) eyes to his flaws.
Those are my thoughts right now.
Riker dropped his voice to a soft whisper. “…I’m home.”
so yeah, I’m terrible at deducing characters’ future reactions and intentions
Hey, this just means that when things you do not predict happen, you enjoy the story more. Being able to properly guess what is going to happen all the time ruins stories. And maybe you are right, maybe you aren’t. Don’t assume you are wrong until the story’s end.
HEY, THANKS SO MUCH! You know, that’s the first time anyone has ever said that to me.
It is a flaw of ours that sometimes we grow proud of our beliefs. Knowledge puffs up (1 Cor 8:1). I don’t want to let this pride get in the way of seeing the truth and then misleading people. This is why I am willing to listen to any contradicting beliefs you may have. (Also, don’t let me grow proud in this belief either.)
So far I have no problem besides the ones I already mentioned, and honestly I’ll have to see where you take the story. I would say that right now we all trust Oliver as a very good character, so I would start to bring out more of him being a worldly-wise-man. You see, we pity him after what happened, we love him for sticking with Alan, we enjoy him because he’s funny, and so you have us readers starting to form a strong loyalty to him, and sometimes that is an easy trap where we start believing everything he says. So, start pulling out more of his flaw as we go, and have others disagree with him. Maybe Tyn. we trust her. Or the innkeeper’s daughter. Or maybe one of the Christians. Alan and us readers will want to defend Oliver if you have it one of the Christians, but it could also be a cool way to open the reader’s (and eventually Alan’s) eyes to his flaws.
Interesting. You are right, the reader does want to trust Oliver. He also has kind of taken on the role of the mentor for now, so if Alan disagrees with him, we might still think Oliver is right. We will see Oliver is wrong in a chapter coming up soon, but I will try to put some foreshadowing in at this part. Thank you!
@linus-smallprint yeah I guess I’ll just have to find out lol
It’ll be interesting either way.
Where'd I get ya this time? The liver? The kidney? I'm runnin' outta places to put holes in ya.
@ellette-giselle @keilah-h @loopylin @stephie @theshadow
Next chapter. You can all breath now (until you reach the end of this chapter of course). This covered less than what I was hoping to, there proved to be too much to go into one chapter, but that is all right. I will see if I can get Chapter the 13th – The Self-Proclaimed Guardian to you later this week.
Your tag did not work, so here we go again.
@linus-smallprint wow! That was interesting!
Where'd I get ya this time? The liver? The kidney? I'm runnin' outta places to put holes in ya.
Ah, good. I was just about to start breathing down your neck on this. haha.
Riker dropped his voice to a soft whisper. “…I’m home.”
This was great!!!
Suspicion: Alan’s father can control himself because he’s actually one of the Faithful. (Just a thought.)
Oh dear…… man…… I don’t know what to say. I mean, the grammar in there…… well some of it’s a little painful. lolol. I think I’m dso sensitive because I am bad at grammar so I’m always trying to watch it. That, and I do a TONE of reading aloud to my sibs, and reading bad grammar out loud almost physically hurts. lol.
Ok, here’s something you might find amusing:
In the beginning, God created Grammar and it was good.
Then there were grammar issues, and they was bad.
so, yeah, aside from the grammar, I think this was perfect!!
Oh yeah, one other thing. There is a pet peeve of mine. It’s called, “Children disobey parents, keep secrets, do things the parents say no to, and in the end it all worked out because they were right and the parents were wrong.” I hope this is not where we’re going with Martha and her brother. I mean, “Don’t tell dad” is a big red flag that says, “DO tell dad”. So, yeah, I hope there are some consequences for this.
Riker dropped his voice to a soft whisper. “…I’m home.”
wow! That was interesting!
The chapter, or the glitch?
In the beginning, God created Grammar and it was good.
Then there were grammar issues, and they was bad.
I’m trying (except when writing what Oliver Says). Although, since this is an earlier draft, I’m also focusing on other things, such as character development. Grammar is a finishing touches thing to me (although there is one lady I know that I would like her feedback since she has read so many books, but she will refuse to read anything I write until I improve my grammar.)
Oh yeah, one other thing. There is a pet peeve of mine. It’s called, “Children disobey parents, keep secrets, do things the parents say no to, and in the end it all worked out because they were right and the parents were wrong.” I hope this is not where we’re going with Martha and her brother. I mean, “Don’t tell dad” is a big red flag that says, “DO tell dad”. So, yeah, I hope there are some consequences for this.
I can’t say to much about this at the moment, but for now, know that this is nec for the story. You will eventually see why.
but she will refuse to read anything I write until I improve my grammar.
Do I know what that’s like or what! lol.
I can’t say to much about this at the moment, but for now, know that this is nec for the story.
Ok…… I trust you.
Maybe.
Riker dropped his voice to a soft whisper. “…I’m home.”
@linus-smallprint the chapter, what glitch?
@ellette-giselle yeah I get you on not liking the “Children disobey parents, keep secrets, do things the parents say no to, and in the end it all worked out because they were right and the parents were wrong, and there’s NO consequences for all of it” thing. Like, it’s not like parents aren’t wrong sometimes, but typically, if they’re good parents, the reason they don’t want a kid to do something is because it’ll get the kid hurt. So even if the kid isn’t specifically punished by his parents for doing the thing (assuming it’s even the right thing in the first place!) he might, say, get hurt in the process of figuring it out, or something doesn’t go his way and he’s stuck bringing a responsible adult in.Where'd I get ya this time? The liver? The kidney? I'm runnin' outta places to put holes in ya.
Yeah, completely. I just can’t stand the hidden message of kids know best in just about every adventure movie or book. And Box car kids and Hardyboys literally got chucked across the room because I was SICK of the kids know everything.
There is a series, The Baker Family Adventures, that is a breath of fresh air!! It’s about a Christian Home school family, and boy are they good! They are mystery novels, and the danger stakes are sky-high. I mean, main characters actually die! The awesome thing is, the parents spear-head everything! The kids work with them and are always in contact, (except for when Phil’s phone dies, which happens without fail during all the worst of times. lol)
Even Philip who is the oldest adult brother is always deferring to his father and encouraging his siblings to do the same.
I highly recommend them.
Riker dropped his voice to a soft whisper. “…I’m home.”
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