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Well, I actually kinda got hesitant about sharing it because I might have lost confidence in it being any good at all…….. I felt like the whole point of the story was being lost because of the other places that I was falling short. Do you think that’s true?
I have more to submit if you want me to.
I think you should keep on sharing. You say Aaron’s arc is more explored in the second part and I would like to get to that. Then, knowing your whole story, we other keepers can help you improve the beginning. As for the point of the story, I always feel like I understand that better once I finish a book anyway, so perhaps it will emerge clearly as we get further in.
Ok, I’ll go for it. Thank you for the encouragement. Give me a second to get another scene.
Riker dropped his voice to a soft whisper. “…I’m home.”
@ellette-giselle why would you get a lot of flak? You’re right. Females–at least, female humans–were not designed to be active fighters (and for that matter it just wasn’t God’s idea to create the concept of war. That derived from fear and sin after the fall of man).
also I don’t remember what that acronym stand for but if it’s about your stories, I think you should post more! It’s interesting, and the whole point of this site is for us to help you iron out that kind of thing.
Where'd I get ya this time? The liver? The kidney? I'm runnin' outta places to put holes in ya.
why would you get a lot of flak?
Well, let’s just say my beliefs are not popular around my peers. You’d be surprised how mean both guys and girls can be when they disagree on stuff like this. I’ve gotten to the place where I know I’ve just gotta speak the truth in love and brace for the return fire…. which often times is more full of name calling and insults then common sense or true arguments. I’ve kinda come to expect it, so the lack of it this time was a refreshing surprise!
Yes, LTBL is Let There Be Light.
I think you should post more! It’s interesting, and the whole point of this site is for us to help you iron out that kind of thing.
Aw, thank you! I had no idea you were reading it! I just posted a new section a few seconds ago. Should I start tagging you?
Riker dropped his voice to a soft whisper. “…I’m home.”
@ellette-giselle Well I thought you’ve posted a couple stories on here, and I don’t know which one specifically Let There Be Light is, but yeah, I’d love it if you tagged me so I can read it!
Where'd I get ya this time? The liver? The kidney? I'm runnin' outta places to put holes in ya.
Sure thing! I’ll put the link here, and you can skim through the chapters to catch up a little.
WIP: Let There Be Light, Book 1 of The Flames of Hope Trilogy
Riker dropped his voice to a soft whisper. “…I’m home.”
Ok, i finished reading everything you have written and here are my notes.
Chapter 6
Roof, the poor kid has someone aiming a crossbow at him all day? That won’t make him nervous by any means. Oh no, he’ll be cool as cucumbers. 🙄
I KNEW the crow was the spy. I am sure of it now! Creepy.
Oh man, Phil is the oldest of my brothers 100%. That kid probably only says 100 words a year. OK, maybe a bit more then that……..
Oh no! Don’t drink Oliver’s water! Please don’t, I’m gonna gag!
Oh my goodness, ‘“That’s gotta hurt” said Oliver, observing her hooves.’ I laughed out loud for that!
Oooooooo, I know who they are. The Faithful. I knew this before, I just forgot. I am REALLY Liking where this is going!!
Oh dear. Prediction: The king wants to harness magic and create a wizard army of some sorts. NOT A GOOD IDEA!
Chapter 7
Hmmm, maybe things went well for Tyn because she is doing what she is called to do as a woman, (Of sorts).
Ha! I knew he came to ask her to cook! Ooo, she’s stuck!
I still can’t make up my mind about Rour. Maybe he’s really sincere, maybe it’s all a show. I can’t tell.
I can sympathies with him not trusting Alan, but this could really go either way. When push comes to shove I hope he’ll come through in the end, but he may be one of the biggest traitors to them.
Chapter 8
Um. Ok, you asked about horses. whatever fallows is all on you. You asked. lol
First off, you said “she’s” a stallion.
Stallions are male.
Sadly, there are so many books and movies about horses that are notoriously good at doing it all wrong! 9/10 movies are doing it wrong.
I plan on taking a moment to debunk some of these movie myths for you. I hope this is helpful, especially if you will be using horses in the future.
Ready? Let’s begin!Myth: Rearing is awesome, exciting, and super normal! It’s not dangerous, obviously, because horses rear all the time! Make your horse rear!
Reality:
I’m trying to think of anything horse-related that is more terrifying than an unexpected rear. Nope, nothing comes to mind.Unlike the controlled, beautiful movements you see in movies, (Lord of the Rings and Narnia, I am glaring at you) rearing is dangerous, sometimes deadly, always precarious. A rearing horse is balancing on two small hooves. Half a tone of horse and MOVING rider, (because I’m sorry, you are not sitting still for this.) If the rider jerks on the rains, loses their balance, or hits the horse in the head, they will both fall backwards. Of the horse rears on an uneven surface with a rider on it’s back, it will fall backwards. If anything unexpected happens, it will fall backward.
Even if the horse does stay up, the rider can suffer serious injuries. Falling off a horse is no joke, especially falling without any pre-warning, while you are flailing and trying to catch your balance. If the horse does fall backwards, you are looking at a definite and deadly spill for the rider, coupled with the risk of the heavy, flailing horse falling onto of them.
If any of your horses rear and this doesn’t happen, your rider AND horse must be trained for this, or the rider is some insanely expert horseman to have their life flash before their eyes and stay in control. The best thing to do would be to lay full length against the horse to try and compensate for the extra weight and shape you add. Even then, chances are slim.
In the movies horses preform partial rears: pesade levade, 45 and 35 degree angled rears, respectively. They are HIGHLY advanced dressage movements that evolved from Calvary maneuvers.
Now, Calvary techniques are worth mentioning. These were maneuvers used in battle to use a horse to protect a rider and even fight for them. Great trust had to be built between the horse and his rider, and then years of training. The horse learned to rear and kick with a rider on it’s back, and the rider learned to move his body with the horse so as to keep fighting a not become off-balanced. Even ten, this was dangerous and only happened after YEARS of training.
Myth: Stations are the coolest! Put everyone on a stallion.
Reality: Just don’t. Please. Don’t.
DO NOT MAKE STALLIONS YOUR DEFAULT. As a whole, stallions Are the most unpredictable, dangerous horses to ride. A stallion is a male horse. He will be mean, have a mind of his own, and he will not like his rider. He is the alpha male, and you are asking a lot when you sit on his back. You will not control him, you will befriend him. A stallion should not be ridden without good reason, and he should most certainly not be ridden by anyone less than expert in the ways of riding.
Calm stallions do exist (2015 Triple Crown winner American Pharaoh) but they are the exception.Do NOT put your rider on a stallion unless you have a REALLY good reason for it. Use a gelding or a mare.
A Gelding is also a male horse, but he has been “fixed”, so all his fighter, dominating, alpha male hormones are much less or sometimes non existent.
A mare is a female horse, and she will be your most constant companion, best friend, and most obedient to you. She will also have emotions. Yes, all women folk have them. She will pout when things don’t go her way, she may get mad and completely shun you, or she will be like a love-sick girl and be all over you. She must be treated with gentle kindness as a female.
Myth: Dangling reins are fine! If your character needs to hope off just drop the reins and leave them while your character goes gallivanting around.
Reality: Dangling reins snap legs. Dangling reins inner necks. Dangling reins damage mouths. Dangling reins are disasters!
Here’s the deal, if your character is riding with split-rein western tack, they are probably fine to tie their horse “drop rein” if the horse is TRAINED for it. If not, then your character will get left behind in quite a fix.
However, if you are using traditional closed reins this is a whole new story. Closed reins are about 8 feet long. If the horse is moving they can easily step through the loop. The BEST case would be the horse snaps the reins.
Not likely.
If a horse gets caught they can injure their mouths with the bit, snap their legs, wrench their necks, you name it. All of it is badness.Myth: If a horse is wearing a halter and has a lead rope just drop the rope to ground tie and do your thing.
Reality: with significant training a horse can learn to ground tie, but horses are prey animals. Even the most well trained horse will leave your character in the lurch if he’s frightened.
If you ground tie you had better establish that A.) they are trained to do so. B.) They know and respect the rider and are extremely loyal.
Myth: When your character arrives he can just hop off and leave them bit, bridle, saddle and all. Just throw the horse some hey if you’re nice.
Reality:
Um, no. I will spare you the list of skin, coat, and mouth ailments that will result from leaving an unattended horse in full tack, but, at the minimum, a horse can’t it or drink with the bit in their mouth.
There are more than one movies that commit this error. (Glaring at you Rifleman.) Just… just don’t copy Hollywood.If you leave your horse in tack, you had better be running in and out and you had better be in a BIG hurry.
Myth: Turn your horse free with tack still on. Running around in the wild with a halter bucked and headline dragging is A-okay. Even better, keep him in a full saddle and bridle.
Reality: Want to know the fasted rout to horse injury? You’re looking right at it, fella. Leave a horse in the stall with tack on and you’ll have some problems. Turn it free and you are setting it up for injury and death.
Out in the wild, or even in the pasture, tack will get caught on fences, rocks, bushes, and trees. It can cut the horse or rub the skin raw, trip them, and most definitely help predators.
If you want to tearfully free your horse in a beautiful heart-wrenching moment as you turn it free for its own good……. Do it a favor and take all the tack off.
Lord of the Rings committed this error TWICE! In two different movies! In The Fellowship of the Ring, Sam turns his horse lose and Aragorn says that he’ll be okay and find his way back, (with all the tack, fully loaded packs, and the lead rope and halter!)
In The Two Towers, Aragorn tells Eowyn to set Brego free because he’s seen enough war. We next see Brego fully tacked and coming free, come just in time to save Aragorn. Just lovely. Ugh.Myth: Horses nicker, scream, and whinny all the time!
Reality: The amount of horse noise in movies is OFF THE SCALE! As prey animals, horses communicate primarily through body language and ear movement. Lots of movies have the same exact “horse noises” which leads me to believe they are all using the same sound effects, like laughing tracks for sitcoms. Unlike humans and dogs, horses prefer to talk with their bodies. Now, noisy horses do exist, but they are hot-headed, young, and dramatic. (Yes, horse attention seekers do exist)
When I started training with a new horse she whined a tone because she was scared of me and couldn’t find her mother. (Spoiler; her mother was napping in the barn and was completely ignoring the whole thing) That was about it. Once she warmed up to me that day she made noise about twice a year.
Her buddies give faint, “We’re staving and dying” nickers at dinner time. But otherwise………. *shrug*
So, when do horses make noise?
Mares in heat might call out.
Scared or angry horses neigh or scream.
Horses in a fight or sparing match might squeal.
Lonely horses call for a friend.Otherwise, stopping and snorting is all you’re gonna get. (Or “we’re starving and dying” nickers if they are spoiled babies)
Myth: You can ride a horse in whatever you happen to be wearing.
Reality: Upper body clothing is fine, but every rider (who has sense) that is using a saddle will wear boots and pants. If your character isn’t wearing leg protection they don’t risk major injury, but it won’t be fun either. Imagine your bare skin rubbing against leather over and over and over. Now add some sweat, and do that for several hours. Yep…… you guessed it, some AWFUL chafing. Even worse, bare calves can get pinched by the stirrup leather bad enough top leave scars!
Now, bare feet……. Put a bare foot in the stirrup and you are looking at injury! Damaged foot, wrecked ankle, broken leg, all of this comes from bad (or no) footwear. Why? If the horse spooks, or jumps, or does anything out of the ordinary and you don’t ave square heeled boots, your foot will slip right through the stirrup. The ankle gets caught, the rider loses mobility. The horse keeps acting wild, the rider falls and the ankle stays. Snap! Then the rider is dragged as the horse bolts.
Now, none of this applies to bareback riding, but it isn’t half as easy as Gandalf makes it look! It’s fun, and it’s exciting. I do it in shorts (under my skirt) and barefeet, but it’s HARD! I suggest a little padding strapped onto the horse’s back, because their spine hurts! It takes a TONE of muscle to stay on bareback, and jumping bareback is thrilling, and dangerous. You have to stick to the horse. The befit to bareback is that you feel EVERY move and you can really move your body to become one with the horse.Now, I ride in skirts, but if I use a saddle I ALWAYS wear leggings or pants and a pair of boots with a good, square heel.
Myth: You can gallop all day and all night with no problem.
Reality: have you ever tried runny all day and all night? Now put your little brother on your back. Nope. Not happening. Does this need further explanation?
If you must travel all day and all night, canter and walk in terns. Ride while the horse canters, and get down and walk when the horse walks. In this way, you might do it, but both of you will be falling dead on the doorstep of your destination, and there will be no fighting when you get there. If there is, your hero will be dead or captured.
If your rider needs to go faster then this, he needs two horses, and will alternate between a fast trot and a full out canter or gallop. Ride one horse, tie the other’s lead-line to your saddle with pleanty of slack for it to move out of the other horse’s way, but not so much that it trips. (we talked about slack lines) witching horses every half hour to hour gives them a brake to move without you weight on their back. even then, the horse and rider will be practically dead, and most likely will pass out after they give their report or message, (which would be the only good reason to do this) if they don’t pass out, they’ll at least collapse and sleep like the dead for a few hours to a day.
Myth: You can go on a long ride and hop off as soon as you get there, totally fine.
Reality: long car rides leave you sore and you aren’t even doing anything!
Even if your hero rides all the time, he will be sore after al long ride, and he won’t want to sit on anything softer than a bed or couch. Inexperienced rider, or hasn’t ridden for a long time? Oh boy.So, as you can probably tell, I know a lot about horses, and I ride them. I went a couple months without riding, and then went trailblazing with a friend for three hours. I could hardly get out of bed the next day. You are using muscles that you do not normally use. to avoid getting injured you must work along with your horse. riding can be exhausting! When your rider gets off his horse after a day of travel, he had better be limping around the camp and not wanting to do anything. His legs will burn, his pack will be sore, his spine will ache, and he will hurt in more places than he ever thought possible. The next morning he will be dragging himself to a standing position and considering how bad it would be to walk the whole way. The sight of a horse will cause him to want to pass out. It will be PAINFUL!
Ok, now just a few terms to watch:
It’s reins, nor rains, and unless your horse is ruling a kingdom, no reigns are involved.
The halter buckles behind the horse’s ears and around the nose. A lead line clips to it and the rider uses it to lead the horse around. Despite what the movies say, you don’t just see another line on and use it as reins unless you steer with your legs, with is a COMPLETELY different discussion. The bridle also buckles behind the horse’s ears and typically has a noseband. In addition it has a bit and reins. The bit is what you control the horse with. DO NOT YANK! Horses hate it and they may pay you back for it. even if they don’t, they can have their mouths injured, and a horse with an injured mouth has badness written all over it.
This is by no means a full list of the movie myths, but it’s all my top pet-peeves. If you can avoid these red flags you’ll avoid having horse-knowledgeable readers flinging your book across the room.
There is no 100% correct way to write a horse that I can outline for you, because every horse has its own personality and unique reactions.
Your horse doesn’t have to be perfectly realistic, because it is fiction after all, not a riders training manual. But, if you pay attention to the big issues, the horse-knowledgeable readers can ignore the little things.
But please, don’t have your horse jump a canyon. *side-eyes Spirit: Stallion of the Cimarron*
Sooo, let’s start this all from the ground up. Now that you know what to avoid, let’s match your horse to your character. I’ll try to be brief here as I’ve taken up a lot f time on the do-nots. However, matching the horse and rider is FAR more important than you may think.
Here’s the deal, most authors get the horse terminology (gait, color, look, tack, etc) right. These are unchanging, and any blockhead should know what a horse looks like. If not, they have no business writing about them.However, matching the rider, horse, and destination is trickier then you may think, and Hollywood gets it wrong every time.
The three main keys will be:
Use.
Climate.
Rider.
So let’s start with matching your horse to it’s use.
Myth: Horses are all purpose.
Reality: Um, no. nope, nada, nien.
Humans developed horse breeds, like dog breeds, and they all have their special purpose.
Knights mount:
You might think you need a big horse with lots of muscle. Something like a Budweiser Clydesdale perhaps?
Sorry, no. Contrary to popular beliefs, armored nights did not use big, heavy draft horses. Based on recovered equine armor, fossils, and illustrations, nights mounts, known as destriers or chargers tend to be short to average at fourteen to sixteen hands high, and stocky.
Reason; if unhorsed the knight needs to get back on. Those eighteen-hand high drafts? Not happening. A fifteen-hand horse? Better chance.Smaller stocky builds are also better for sharp turns, kicks, rears (when trained) and charging. Most drafts are known as Gentle Giants. The fire needed for battle? Not happening.
The closest modern equivalent to the knight’s charger is an Irish Draught.
Trek Horse:
A big mistake in books, TV, and movies is fine-boned horses on long treks. Frequently a Thoroughbred. When we think of a traveling mount the Thoroughbred tends to be the default. Thoroughbreds are great! I ride them, I know them, I have no illusions about them either.
They have lots of heart and are very loyal. They would go on a long trek through the mountain if asked, but they would lose weight, get dehydrated, and perhaps even injured, and definitly suffer fatigue.If your character is going on a long trip, give him a sturdy mount like the hardy Mongol horses, or an Arabian. The smaller horses may not be able to whisk your characters away from danger in the blink of an eye, and your hero may be ridden down by someone on a swift mount, but these small things laugh in the face of exhaustion and hazardous conditions.
Hunter/Cavalry Horse:
Hunting Horses and post medieval cavalry horses share a similar job description so I’ll combine the. Into one. They need to be energetic enough to leap obstacles, fast enough to keep up with prey (or fleeing enemy) and cool-headed enough to listen to the rider.
These horses are taller and leaner. Fire enough to charge into the fray, nimble enough to get their riders out of lethal situations, yet calm enough to obey the slightest command.The closest modern equivalent would be the Thoroughbreds and warmbloods. These are the breeds that compete in equestrian sports that evolved from cavalry training.
The fastest of the horse breeds are the Thoroughbreds, and they are primarily bred for racing. A good horse for short distance messengers that stop at stations to refresh mounts, or perhaps for a spy. Sturdier but slower would be the warmbloods which were developed by crossing “hot-breeds” with European heavy horses.
If you want a good runner that won’t be going off-read very often on long excursions, then stick to these horses. They are tall, (15.2 to 18 hands) muscular, fast, and agile.
Hollywood says: Use a Friesian.
Nonononono. After the Friesian stole the spotlight in Ladyhawke (1985) everyone decided Friesians were the best thing since peanut butter. So now they cast them. In. Everything.
No! No! No!
If you find yourself describing your characters mount as big and black with a long flowing mane, sweeping tale, and dainty feathered feet. Just. Stop.Friesians are EXTREMELY costly. Always have been. They are amazing animals, but they will NOT be given to your soldiers. Maybe if you have a prince drawing in money he can ride one. Unless that describes your mane character, he does not get one. Unless you can explain a good reason on how he got it, and then the whole time he will have to be trying to keep it from getting stolen.
Bottom line:
Use the horse for what it was bread for. Don’t give anyone a Friesian unless you have a good back story for how they got it. (And everyone who knows a a good deal about horses knows when you are describing a Friesian, no matter what you chose to call it)
Ok, now on to matching your claimant.
Myth: Horses can go anywhere any time.
Reality: horses are very tough and also very fragile. If you have any sort of harsh claimants, match your horse.
Hot and Dry:
Would you put a Siberian husky in the desert? Don’t do it to a horse. Big, muscly horses need LOTS AND LOTS OF WATER, and food, to maintain their strength. Your desert-type people will ride horses that snort in the face of heat. Arabian, Akhal-Tekes, or Marwaris. Like your breed, your rider must be lean, compact, and light on their feet. On the shorter side, (14-16 hands) these horses are masters of endurance. Need to go a couple thousand miles in the heat? They have you covered.Cold and Snowy:
On the flip side, don’t put the Arabian in the snow! You wouldn’t put the husky in the Sahara, so don’t put the grey-hound in the sled team.Horses can handle cold better with blankets and good care from their riders, but if you are in the snowy mountains or some wintery wonderland, you might think about your mount. Cold weather horses tend to be heavier than the average riding horse. They grow thick, fuzzy coats in the winter almost like sheep. While a draft can fit the bill for the snow-covered planes, an Icelandic horse or the Fjord are great examples of horses designed for cold weather and mountain hikes.
If you are going into the frozen lands you want strong hooves, thick muscles, and a super fuzzy winter coat. Hight depends on what you plan to be doing in your winter-wonderland.And finally, matching your character.
Myth: Horses are living bicycles and if you know how to ride you can ride any horse.
Reality: Every horse has a will, emotions, personality. And quirks. The feel, think, act, and react.
Matching your character to his horse is a case-by-case issue, and it may not end up being super important if your hero seldom rides. However, if you do have a lot of equestrian action, you need to delve deeper into this. There are of course, the big no-no’s for any amount of riding.
Stallions:
Have I made myself clear on this? 😜. Just don’t put ANYONE on a stallion without a solid reason. If Hollywood likes Friesians, books like stallions even more. Please just do us all a favor and ride a mare or gelding.Temperament:
Similarly, don’t give your hero a spirited horse if he is nervous or excitable. This is called disaster 101. Rider scares horse, horse does bad things, rider ends up injured, or dead. Horses are incredible perceptive. (They communicate with body language, remember?) however your rider is feeling will translate down through their body language and through the reins or saddle to the horse.
Is your character a skilled horseman who is calm in the face of danger? Sure, give him a fiery steed! If not…. I wouldn’t try it.Not every horse will be the same, just as not every dog is the same, or every person, for that matter. These are, however, some good things to consider. If you know the above mentioned, you can do bad things to your character and match him and his horse badly, or his horse and the job badge, etc. you can have the rider make one of the myth mistakes and have him deal with the consequences.
Generally speaking, your hero will not keep the same horse through all his situations. He will have his riding horse for travel and normal duties, and then he will have his battle horse. If he travels to a different region with several different claimants he may have to leave his horse behind and take a new mount.
Also, your rider must spend adequate time bonding with the horse. Like a dog, your horse won’t just become friends with whoever decides to hop on its back. Alan is going to have to make friends with his horse and earn its trust. Once the trust is earned, his horse will become very loyal.
Learn the rules like a pro so you can brake them like an artist.
Ok, now that I spent all this time going over Alan’s horse, let’s
continue with chapter 8.
(Also, if you want to realistically hurt, maim, or kill a horse, describe gaits and habits, etc. let me know.) 🙃
Ok, not much to say on the rest of it. Interesting that his parents said “maybe” about magic. That doesn’t sound good.
Chapter 9:
Hmm, Martha knows a little too much, I can already tell. She’s going to be interesting.
Oh man, Alan is gonna get in a world of mess! This is so funny because I wrote something similar to this a few years back about a young soldier trying to prove himself in the army and getting in the exact same world of mess Alan is about to step into. Yikes.
Ok, so when’s the next chapter?
Riker dropped his voice to a soft whisper. “…I’m home.”
Phew! That’s a lot about horses. I think I will grab everything you said about them and save it in a document for future reference. In case you could not tell, Martha likes horses and would definitely know all of this, so in order to have her talk about it, I will need to know it. Thank you for typing this all out! Is this the girl version of nerding out?
First off, you said “she’s” a stallion.
Stallions are male.
Oops. I’m having a ‘Kevin’s a girl?!?’ moment right now.
Oh no! Don’t drink Oliver’s water! Please don’t, I’m gonna gag!
Have you figured out what Coola© is? Don’t let his glop trick you into thinking Coola© is bad.
Oh dear. Prediction: The king wants to harness magic and create a wizard army of some sorts. NOT A GOOD IDEA!
#no-spoilers
Hmm, Martha knows a little too much, I can already tell. She’s going to be interesting.
I will say, she was one of the favorite characters in the first draft.
Ok, so when’s the next chapter?
I will try to get this out later today. I am almost done writing it, then I need to go back and read it.
You didn’t say anything about the aphid problem on the Wherl family farm. Do you have any thoughts on that?
Phew! That’s a lot about horses. I think I will grab everything you said about them and save it in a document for future reference. In case you could not tell, Martha likes horses and would definitely know all of this, so in order to have her talk about it, I will need to know it. Thank you for typing this all out!
You’re welcome, and I’m glad it was helpful! It’s some things that I’ve learned through research and actually being around horses. I like to keep my writing somewhat realistic, even in a fantasy world, and I wince when I read some of the above mentioned myths because it’s just SO BAD!!!
Is this the girl version of nerding out?
Don’t get me started on medieval weaponry, battles, (or any hand-to-hand combat for that reason) gear, and clothing.
Though, if you want thoughts on any of the above I have spent YEARS (literally) or research so I would be happy to share.
Oops. I’m having a ‘Kevin’s a girl?!?’ moment right now.
Haha! Someone has never met a stallion, or he would most certainly remember the experience. It can be…. life changing. You see the world from a whole new perspective as you hang on for dear life. No girl could ever be so mean, violent, and assertive of her authority. Stallions are definitely boys. lol.
Have you figured out what Coola© is? Don’t let his glop trick you into thinking Coola© is bad.
I’m guessing it’s Coke. (a drink i detest btw) It wasn’t what he was drinking, it was who he was drinking after!!!
You didn’t say anything about the aphid problem on the Wherl family farm. Do you have any thoughts on that?
Ack, I remember dealing with aphids a long time ago, but I forget what we did to kill them…….. I know we didn’t use spray. Ugh, i can’t remember, and would honestly rather not. Ok, hang on. So, i know the bugs that eat them, but how do humans deal with it……. ok, you dislodge the insects by spraying them with a sharp stream of water, (as you wrote) or I guess you could scrape them off. *chills up the spine!* I know you block them by placing a lightweight spun fabric row cover over them before the insects arrive. also, fine screens on greenhouse windows if you are growing things inside. You can trap them by putting out yellow sticky cards two inches above the plant. you want to avoid overfeeding the plants because this makes them tender and very attractive to aphids. Horticultural oil, soap, and neem will kill them. Neem is oil from the neem tree and is a natural bug replant, though if applied to much it can kill off the bees.
That’s all I have on that……..
NICE! I will pester you if I do not wake up to the next chapter tomorrow.
Riker dropped his voice to a soft whisper. “…I’m home.”
That’s all I have on that……..
Okay, thank you. That is helpful.
NICE! I will pester you if I do not wake up to the next chapter tomorrow.
Excellent!
@ellette-giselle @keilah-h @loopylin @stephie @theshadow
Next chapter. As Ellette predicted, things start to get messy here.
Chapter the 10th: (https://editor.reedsy.com/s/T1bLc1N/c/ZqPt_58SO73q86vE/chapter-the-10th)
Some tags decided not to work again. Let’s try that once more:
@keilah-h @loopylin @stephie @theshadowOh man. What did I say. Come on Alan, get some sense in your silly head!
My only complaint in this one would be A.) You used “whipped” instead of “wiped” (a mistake I myself often make which is why I caught it, lol) and then the Do not, would not, will not, etc. Like I’ve said before, it doesn’t fit with the style of the narrative. At least in my opinion. However, if you like it then I’ll stop mentioning it.
So, you have the next one?
Riker dropped his voice to a soft whisper. “…I’m home.”
You used “whipped” instead of “wiped”
Not the first time I’ve done that. Alan has had his memory whipped by before (which I guess means he was whipped until he forgot what he was supposed to? I don’t know), but as my friend said when he noticed that, “when there’s a whip, there’s a way.”
So, you have the next one?
I am going to start working on it today, but it might not be until next week Tuesday that I post something. I typically don’t write on weekends and I work Monday mornings. We will see how things do, but I will try to get it to you by Tuesday.
Alan has had his memory whipped by before
I noticed that, but once you did it two times in a row I thought I’d mention it.
No problem on time. I was just being annoying as ordered. If I get too annoying tell me to stop. lol.
I am excited to hear what happens though!
Riker dropped his voice to a soft whisper. “…I’m home.”
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