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One question though, how far is this in the book? Are we nearing the end, or does Alan still have some character development to do (maybe sharing this great news with his friends….?)
We are looking at about 7-10 more chapters plus an epilogue. There is one more piece of Alan’s character I still want to develop in this book. This may become a little more clear in the next few chapters. For the plot, still need to deal with Martha’s arrest and the mysterious thing the king discovered about Alan.
Ah, okay, not your cup of tea.
The one you shared is fine. I could see this ending up on one of my playlists. It does have emotion. I just feel like it was a bit on the dramatic side and some of the notes were a little too sharp for this scene. I asked my sister for her thoughts since she doesn’t have a load of Chrono Trigger nostalgia like I do. She liked yours better, but thought both of our choices were too sentimental for the scene.
I feel like the other one is a bit more whimsical and that’s why he chose it.
I didn’t think of that, but your probably right. I kind of like whimsical, just as long as it doesn’t get cheesy.
@linus-smallprin
YIKES! You changed your pic!
I was like, who is talking to me?
haha, maybe it is a bit dramatic, but I like mine better.
Ah, okay, not your cup of tea.
I don’t really care for this term. Nothing against you, but some people have used it in some rather…. degrading ways around me. Basically saying that my faith had nothing to do with my opinion on something they were doing, their activity just “wasn’t my cup of tea”
Anyhow, I don’t know why I even brought that up. I guess because it gives me recoil whenever I see it.
Man is born for the fight, to be forged and molded into a sharper, finer, stronger image of God
@linus-smallprint ok, yeah that sounds about right!
I didn’t think of that, but you’re probably right. I kind of like whimsical, just as long as it doesn’t get cheesy.
Yeah me too!
"When in doubt, eat cheese crackers."-me to my charries who don't even know about cheese crackers
YIKES! You changed your pic!
He he!
Anyhow, I don’t know why I even brought that up. I guess because it gives me recoil whenever I see it.
That’s fair. I feel the same way about ‘you do you’.
I’m trying to rework Chapter the 22nd like you suggested, but am a little stuck on what to do with Stripe. With Alan down, he would probably try to step in and would not be willing in the least be to let Rour go. So Rour isn’t in a winning position yet. Do you have any ideas for this?
That’s fair. I feel the same way about ‘you do you’.
don’t even get me started.
With Alan down, he would probably try to step in and would not be willing in the least be to let Rour go. So Rour isn’t in a winning position yet. Do you have any ideas for this?
Hmm……
Let’s see.
Well, would Stripe care to protect Alan? I didn’t think he trusted him.
To me Stripe seems like the fellow who’ standing there with his arms crossed, watching this play out, with the mentality of “you two finish whatever is going on between you, and I’ll kill the survivor. Makes my job easier.”
However, him stopping Alan from killing Rour doesn’t really fit that……….
Ack. You did get yourself into a tight spot.
Oh…. wait…… something’s coming.
Okay, how about this. Stripe wasn’t there at this point. He was guarding a group who had gone deeper into the forest to hunt for food or supplies (firewood, clay for chinking, moss for sealing cracks, etc.) since stripe has his nice wolf ears, he could have heard the sound of the fight and come running in time to stop Alan………..
UGH! wait. He was there when Eric arrived.
Ugh. Ugh. Ugh.
Okay, let’s try this again.
Eric arrives and stripe is there, then…… then Alan and Rour start fighting………. okay, and then when Rour knocks down Alan he turns around to confront Stripe, or Stripe confronts him. Then, Alan gets up, and Stripe sees what he’s about to do and steps in to block him, or jumps around Rour and knocks Alan over again, (hehe) Or idk, something like that, but somehow Rour is confronting Stripe instead of Tyn……. ? Maybe?
I can keep thinking if none of this is helpful.
Man is born for the fight, to be forged and molded into a sharper, finer, stronger image of God
Hmm… Stripe jumps on Tyn and is preoccupied with that fight? (Though it probably would not last longer than 2 seconds…) Rour attempts to debate with Stripe, saying his quaral is only with Alan and any who stand in the way (Which is why he arrested Martha)? He may be asking to leave peacefully with Alan and Tyn, promising to stay out of the way, but Stripe doesn’t nessasarily agree. That is when Alan strikes? Rour Tyn and stripe get into a debate of who is on who’s side?
Sometime, to help me think, I write out points to help me decide what the characters are thinking.
- Alan: Wants to be a hero. Is tired of Rour’s insults and mistrustfulness. He feels his anger is justified, since Rour is arresting The Faithful, and this allows a burst fo stored up anger to come out. He belives it is his job to stop Rour due to Rour being his tormenter.
- Rour: Belives Alan to be dangerous and must be stopped. Suspects Alan is heading back to magic for some reason. Wants to stop Alan more than he wants to stop The Faithful.
- Stripe: Still does not completely trust Alan. Wants to protect The Faithful from the army. Will not let any intruders go until he has reason to belive there will be no betrayal.
- Tyn: Hopes to prevent Alan and Rour from destroying each other. Belives Alan is in the right at first. Is a little upset that Alan left her behind in the army, but still wants to be part of it herself. Looks up to Alan, seeing his ability to avoid using magic as hope she can overcome her kentor instincts. Wants to help Alan.
- Eric: Still recovering from the shock at what he did. Afraid of battle, so he would just remain watching from the sidelines.
- Thom: Dosen’t feel it is wise to get involved in the fight. Dosen’t know much about the conflict between Alan and Rour.
Alan, ROur and TYn are the only ones who know the full extent of this conflict.
Okay, I updated the chapter. Let’s see what you think now.
This is great! I think it sets the stage for the next chapter much better! I like it.
Man is born for the fight, to be forged and molded into a sharper, finer, stronger image of God
This is one of the songs from a favorite musical of mine. It isn’t perfect, because the main character is married and has a son, but this song of his really reminded me of Alan.
Let me know what you think.
Man is born for the fight, to be forged and molded into a sharper, finer, stronger image of God
I read the updated version of Chapter the 23rd, and I really like it! You did a great job of capturing Alan’s emotions and his motivation, and demonstrating the saving power of the Savior through Charles.
The one thing I’m going to criticize is what Charles says when his son is saved:
“Alan, my Son! I am so glad to hear that.”
It just doesn’t sound real or raw or emotional as I’d imagine Charles would be. Almost as if Alan just got a job or a great new guitar or something.
I’d suggest something which maybe shows the extent of the happiness felt by both father and son. Body language can be very useful here. I really liked how you had Charles hug him. I think something like showing Charles and Alan hugging without really saying much would be so much more powerful.
"Io non ho bisogno di denaro.
Ho bisogno di sentimenti."That works! Just swap wife and son for parents.
The one thing I’m going to criticize is what Charles says when his son is saved:
Okay, I will see what I can do about that. Though I may put this one off for a bit. Thank you for pointing this out. I’m not the most emotional person, so sometimes I struggle with writing emotions.
Wonderful!
I love that musical so much.
Man is born for the fight, to be forged and molded into a sharper, finer, stronger image of God
Is the musical based off of the Iliad or Odessy?
BOTH!
hey, how did you know?
Man is born for the fight, to be forged and molded into a sharper, finer, stronger image of God
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