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Common sence. Got it.
Thank you.
No girls fighting with broadswords as big as they are.
No boys wresting free of a group of well trained, armed men.
Short for Nicodemus. That’s all I will explain.
ahhh…. I think I see where you’re going.
Never assume anyone is dead until you have seen the body.” – A likey butchered quote from Dune, a book that if you haven’t read, I wouldn’t recommend (the movie actually kind of fixed that issue).
What’s that suposed to mean?!
Do I need to fix it or what?!?
Also, the soundtrack to that movie is stellar, though I’ve never seen or read it and don’t plan to. The song “only I will remain” or “kiss the ring” Ohhhhhh *chills* so good!
No half-heartedness and no worldly fear must turn us aside from following the light unflinchingly.
@ellette-giselle What an ending!!! I hope we’re getting the next book soon.
Although, one question. Was the Christian prince the only one? Who’s gonna inherit the throne when the Emperor dies now? (Don’t tell me the priests have tried to make it so one of them will get it.)
Never assume anyone is dead until you have seen the body.
Very true. (also a Dune mention?? My dad likes the book, at least the first one, and I think he’s watched the movies)
haha I like calling the unknown guy Nicodemus. It fits with the time period, too.
"When in doubt, eat cheese crackers."-me to my charries who don't even know about cheese crackers
@hybridlore @koshka @keilah-h @elishavet-pidyon @liberty @linus-smallprint
QUESTIONS!
Characters:
~Which character(s) did you find the most compelling/relatable/believable and why?
~ Were there any character that need to be more engaging? If so, how would be some good ways for me to do that?
~Where the characters believable?
~Did they have good, individual personalities, or were they clones?
~ Were the relationships between characters well-developed and meaningful?
~ Were there any characters you wanted to see more of?
~ Did any characters feel unnecessary to the story?
~Did it work having two MCs
Note: Please keep in mind that I can’t full develop every character within the story, otherwise there wouldn’t be enough spotlight on my MC. Y’all know what I mean? My MCs are Julian and Leon, and close to them would be Aelic, Rolf, and Roland, the others are side characters.
Storyline:
~ Was the plot solid and engaging?
~ Did the pacing feel consistent throughout the book? If not, where did it lag or feel dull?
~Was there anything that seemed unbelievable or forced?
~ Were there any plot twists or surprises that stood out to you?
~ Was the ending fitting and satisfying? (in the unsatisfying way that it was written 😄)
~ Were any parts of the story confusing or difficult to follow?
~ Were there any unresolved plot threads you wish had been dealt with in this book?
~~ Was the balance between action, dialogue and description smooth in the story?
Theology/Message:
~ Any theological concerns for the story?
~ What would you say my world view was?
~ What would you say was the message of the story?
~Were the characters’ struggles dealt with effectively?
Extra:
~ What was your favorite part of the book overall?
~What was your least favorite part?
~Who was your favorite character?
~Who was your least favorite? (if you have one)
~Is there anything that you would say needs to be changed?
~ Which scenes would you want to see illustrations for?
~ What would you say the target audience of this book would be?
~ Any predictions for the next book?
~ Any other thoughts
Thank y’all so much for everything!! I can’t wait for thoughts and feedback! It’s been so fun having y’all reading this and your encouragement along the way has been incredible!
Oh, also, when would be a good time for me to start the next book on here? Maybe end of April? Or sooner would be better, but I know Linus and maybe one or two of you others like a break.
No half-heartedness and no worldly fear must turn us aside from following the light unflinchingly.
I hope so too! It’s up to the others if they’re read for the next one.
Although, one question. Was the Christian prince the only one? Who’s gonna inherit the throne when the Emperor dies now? (Don’t tell me the priests have tried to make it so one of them will get it.)
Dietrich was sole heir. His brother died as a baby.
That is a question to be answered……….
I’m so glad you like the ending!!
No half-heartedness and no worldly fear must turn us aside from following the light unflinchingly.
ohhhh okay! Hmmm, would the Emperor be particularly happy with that? Like I know he probably was a follower of the pagan gods and wouldn’t like the true God in his son’s life, but I feel like he’d at least be upset that his only heir is dead.
Could also have it like in Daniel, with Darius and the sneaky advisors, where he kinda regrets signing the law allowing the priests to kill, but it’s too late now.
"When in doubt, eat cheese crackers."-me to my charries who don't even know about cheese crackers
Characters:
~Which character(s) did you find the most compelling/relatable/believable and why?
I liked pretty much all of the main cast.
~ Were there any characters that need to be more engaging? If so, how would be some good ways for me to do that?
Not that I remember. If there were, they weren’t important enough to the story to be a big problem.
~Were the characters believable?
I think so.
~Did they have good, individual personalities, or were they clones?
No, they were pretty individual. There were a lot though.
~ Were the relationships between characters well-developed and meaningful?
Yep!
~ Were there any characters you wanted to see more of?
Hmmmm….There were a few but I can’t recall their names.
~ Did any characters feel unnecessary to the story?
Not that I remember.
~Did it work having two MCs?
Yep, I think it did.
Storyline:
~ Was the plot solid and engaging?
I think so. I liked the part where they were in another country; it was a welcome expansion to the worldbuilding.
~ Did the pacing feel consistent throughout the book? If not, where did it lag or feel dull?
I don’t think this one lagged much.
~Was there anything that seemed unbelievable or forced?
I don’t think so.
~ Were there any plot twists or surprises that stood out to you?
The fact that Leon survived that slave beating was kinda surprising to me, along with him reuniting with Rolf, and the bit where the prince and his servant were killed was certainly a plot twist. There were others but I can’t remember them off the top of my head.
~ Was the ending fitting and satisfying? (in the unsatisfying way that it was written 😄)
I actually really liked the cliffhanger, and that’s weird cause I don’t usually like cliffhangers.
~ Were any parts of the story confusing or difficult to follow?
No, not really. Even if I missed a chapter/forgot to read it, it was actually really easy to understand what was happening.
~ Were there any unresolved plot threads you wish had been dealt with in this book?
Nope, don’t think so. There’s opportunities for other books though.
~~ Was the balance between action, dialogue and description smooth in the story?
I think so, but as I’ve said multiple times before, I’m a terrible judge of these things.
Theology/Message:
~ Any theological concerns for the story?
No.
~ What would you say my world view was?
Same as before.
~ What would you say was the message of the story?
That the truth of God can seep through the cracks even in the darkness of an Empire, or the harsh world of a slaver’s country.
~Were the characters’ struggles dealt with effectively?
I think so.
Extra:
~ What was your favorite part of the book overall?
I don’t know. I liked it all.
~What was your least favorite part?
Least favorite? I don’t really think about that.
~Who was your favorite character?
Hmmm……I think its equally split between the two MCs.
~Who was your least favorite? (if you have one)
The bad guys, of course. The nasty slavers and murderous pagan priests.
~Is there anything that you would say needs to be changed?
I’m not sure.
~ Which scenes would you want to see illustrations for?
Oooh, yeah, I forgot this was a thing. I have no idea.
~ What would you say the target audience of this book would be?
It’s not that dark, except maybe in a few scattered places. So yeah, same target audience as the other books you’ve written.
~ Any predictions for the next book?
It’ll depict Leon and Julian on the run from the Imperial priests, hoping to someday come back to the Capital and continuing to share the gospel with other places in the empire, and possibly some of the surrounding countries.
~ Any other thoughts?
Nope, none that I can think of right now.
"When in doubt, eat cheese crackers."-me to my charries who don't even know about cheese crackers
What’s that suposed to mean?!
Do I need to fix it or what?!?
Nothing you need to fix. Just the protagonist makes a choice at the end of Dune that saves lives, but isn’t good, and the girl he like goes something like ‘okay, whatever’, but in the movie, she is upset and doesn’t go along with it.
I’ll get to answering your questions later. I don’t know if I will reread the whole story this time like I did for the last two. I have a few other books for other people that I am also critiquing.
End of April/Start of May would be a good time to start the next books.
Sometimes it is necessary to paint the sky black in order to see the stars.
~Which character(s) did you find the most compelling/relatable/believable and why?
Julian, Leon, and Ian. I also liked Albee. For some reason, Ian and Albee seemed really well developed, even though we didn’t get to see them for very long. Otherwise, mostly Julian and Leon, since I know them the best.
~ Were there any character that need to be more engaging? If so, how would be some good ways for me to do that?
I know this is a recurring theme throughout some of your books for me, but I kind of feel like some of the minor characters just blended together. Specifically, Rolf and Roland. I know we got to see them apart from each other when Julian and Leon were separated, but I can’t recall many defining characteristics that separated the two in my mind. (Their names both starting with Rol- impacts this too.) Aelic felt a little more individual than the other two because of his different backstory and hometown, younger age, and completely different sounding name.
I think Roland was introduced as a more playful, boyish character, right? Maybe you could lean into this more. Have him always fiddling with things, never able to sit still, or enjoying messing around more often. Then you could have Rolf be more serious to contrast them.
~Where the characters believable?
Yes, for the most part.
~Did they have good, individual personalities, or were they clones?
I kind of touched on this already, but some of them tended to blend together in my mind.
~ Were the relationships between characters well-developed and meaningful?
I think so. I still want to hear Leon share his backstory with the others someday though 😝. (Not really sure I thought of this, but . . . I did. Lol.)
~ Were there any characters you wanted to see more of?
Ian and Albee. 😜
~ Did any characters feel unnecessary to the story?
There were a whole bunch of characters at each different town that Leon and Julian visited. I wouldn’t say they were all unnecessary, since obviously, as you’re planting churches, you’re going to meet a lot of people, but it was hard for me to remember them all.
~Did it work having two MCs
Yes. You transitioned between Leon and Julian pretty well.
~ Was the plot solid and engaging?
I know you said you split this book into two because it was too long. I don’t know if this book has a climax of its own. It would probably be Leon’s speech, or Prince Dietrich’s death leading to the Christians starting to flee the Capitol. But compared to the last two books (Aaron’s death, Joseph and his family’s rescue by the soldiers) it doesn’t have a clear ending. Which is understandable, considering that this is only the first half. It just could be something to think about.
~ Did the pacing feel consistent throughout the book? If not, where did it lag or feel dull?
I think for the most part this book was more consistent than the previous two (or at least, the second one.) Of course, some parts were more exciting than others, but there wasn’t any long sections that were boring. There was always risk involved.
~Was there anything that seemed unbelievable or forced?
Not that I can remember.
~ Were there any plot twists or surprises that stood out to you?
Ahem. Prince Dietrich’s death. Leon being sold into slavery, and then finding Rolf 😝
~ Was the ending fitting and satisfying? (in the unsatisfying way that it was written 😄)
Lol. Like I said, I don’t think it was satisfying on its own. I just don’t know if the plot is worth reworking (at the end there) to try to arrange it to have a climax before the end. Maybe you could try to add like a showdown with the priests while Leon gives his speech, or something like that. Nothing extremely major, but big enough to feel like a climax and deliver on the tension you’ve been promising the readers (Empire vs. Christianity). That would also serve as a bonus to spur the priests to get the king’s permission to crack down on the Christians after that.
~ Were any parts of the story confusing or difficult to follow?
No, I don’t think so.
~ Were there any unresolved plot threads you wish had been dealt with in this book?
If Albee becomes a Christian, what happens to him and Ian . . . 😝
~~ Was the balance between action, dialogue and description smooth in the story?
Pretty smooth. There was a lot of description (through the journal entries.)
~ Any theological concerns for the story?
Not really . . .
~ What would you say my world view was?
Very bold Christian.
~ What would you say was the message of the story?
Spreading the Gospel and speaking out against evil.
~Were the characters’ struggles dealt with effectively?
I think so?
~ What was your favorite part of the book overall?
Probably when Leon was a slave.
~What was your least favorite part?
Just the less exciting parts . . . traveling to different cities where nothing extreme happened.
~Who was your favorite character?
Julian, Leon, Ian.
~Who was your least favorite? (if you have one)
Umm. . . the priests. XD The guys that stole Leon and Rolf and put them into slavery.
~Is there anything that you would say needs to be changed?
Not that I haven’t mentioned already?
~ Which scenes would you want to see illustrations for?
Ooohh . . . Leon and Julian refusing to do prayer time with Rolf’s family (or Rolf’s family burning their idols?) Aelic appearing out of the woods after the lumberjack village would be cool. Maybe a picture of the lumberjack village all quiet during the rain, too. Umm. . . Leon and Rolf getting captured by the slave traders? A picture of that boat that Julian and the others went on for a while? Ian trying to force Leon to gamble with them. Leon stopping the slave traders from punishing Ian. The place where Julian is having church meetings when it gets set on fire. Ian bent under the tree, giving his life to God after Leon stops him from committing suicide. Prince Dietrich in disguise coming to one of the meetings. The crossbow bolt on Leon’s chair. Prince Dietrich and Marius arrested by the priests. Leon and Julian fleeing the Empire.
That was a lot. XD
~ What would you say the target audience of this book would be?
Probably about the same as the one before. Teen or adult Christians.
~ Any predictions for the next book?
Hmmmm . . . I don’t know. Another appearance of Joseph and his family? Maybe Ian and Albee coming back? 😝
~ Any other thoughts
Nope, not really! Good job, Ellette!
"Don't shine so that others can see you. Shine so that through you, others can see Him." ~ C. S.
NOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!! 😭😭😭😭
I was utterly shocked…stunned…I even started to cry again!!!!!!
I said I hoped you didn’t kill him…..*sobbing*
That’s all I can say right now…
"He who never quotes will never be quoted." ~Charles Spurgeon
Okay…
I was not expecting that. Especially at the end of the book!!!! You just crushed my heart again by killing another favorite character…
Despite the heart-wrenching deaths of *sob* the prince and his friend…it was a great ending and I’m intrigued by this mysterious character who wrote the letter.
"He who never quotes will never be quoted." ~Charles Spurgeon
Sorry!!!
You should have chosen an MC as your favorite. They actually all survived this time. 😂
I was like, oh no, she’s gonna love him and he’s gonna die. (he’s my favorite too, so we can cry together)
No half-heartedness and no worldly fear must turn us aside from following the light unflinchingly.
Thank you for the feedback!
No half-heartedness and no worldly fear must turn us aside from following the light unflinchingly.
Not sure why…. but for some reason I’m not understanding this. Is there a typo…. or am I really crazy?
26 How is it then, brethren? Whenever you come together, each of you has a psalm, has a teaching, has a tongue, has a revelation, has an interpretation. Let all things be done for [a]edification.
When the church came together in the early days, there wasn’t just one man teaching. I wouldn’t say Leon is like “the pastor,” but with the early church compared to nowadays, the early Christians didn’t have pastors. If the men had a revelation or a teaching for edifying, they would share that with the others to build them up. I wasn’t paying 100% attention to how you wrote the meetings…but I just thought maybe more of the growing Christian men had truth to share as well. This is some food for thought. What do you think?
WOW!!!! I can’t believe that!!!! OH MY WORD LIBERTY!!!! THAT is EXACTLY why I wrote these books! If you are getting anything out of it that draws you closer to the Lord then I am 100% satisfied!
I know!!! WOW! I’m so glad God is using your stories! For me even!
"He who never quotes will never be quoted." ~Charles Spurgeon
Okay that makes sense.
That is totally how I plan to have this structured, but at that time, many of the men were hearing about God for the first time, and the Bible talks about leaders and teachers being strong in their faith and well rooted in belief before they teach.
No half-heartedness and no worldly fear must turn us aside from following the light unflinchingly.
~Which character(s) did you find the most compelling/relatable/believable and why?
For me, I would say I related the most to Conrad. That’s probably because I’ve had doubts before, like him, and faced fears and uncertainties.
I would also relate to Julian in certain areas since I am kind of like him.
I thought that Dian was a very believable character since there are so many people in the world who know a part of God…but not the fullness of Him.
~ Were there any character that need to be more engaging? If so, how would be some good ways for me to do that?
Well, Roland, Rolf, and Aelic kind of feel like tag-along characters to me. They have interesting stories when you first meet them…and Rolf really had some development when he was captured…but I feel like you can forget they are there…and if they were cut out (minus their salvation stories and Rolf’s capture) they wouldn’t be missed that much.
Perhaps you could show more character development for them…more levels of growth as they grow in Christ (which you did have for Aelic)…but that might make the book a lot longer…I think I feel like there are too many characters as a whole, but this story is about a lot of people…well, truthfully, I lose count of some of the characters.
~Where the characters believable?
Perhaps you could have had some slower character arcs for some of the minor characters, but I think Leon, Julian, Dietrich, Rolf, Roland, Aelic, and Conrad were all believable.
For writing’s sake, Albee was one of my favorites. I loved how you wrote him! He seemed very alive and real, and I loved reading about him.
~Did they have good, individual personalities, or were they clones?
*chuckle* Well…I get Roland and Rolf mixed up. They seemed pretty much the same to me as well, except that Rolf had a capture experience. For a bunch of the Christians only slightly in the book from the different towns…they seemed mostly the same to me. I just knew they were different people by their different names.
Dietrich seemed a bit like Marius, but that was very small.
I would say Aelic, Julian, Leon, Ian, Dian, Hassan, and (most definitely) Albee had very good individual personalities. Dietrich’s seemed fairly excellent as well.
For personalities, Albee jumps out at me from all the other characters. It was very enjoyable to read about him. He seemed very real and refreshingly different? in my mind. I hope that doesn’t sound bad… Dian was very neat as well.
The two young men from the university had good distinctions. I nearly forgot about them! (That’s why I feel like there are too many characters…it’s hard to keep tabs on all of them…but that may just be me)
Ugh…more guys I forgot about: Simon and Joran seemed like clones to me. Gareth would have been too but for his age. I knew he was the youngest and that set him apart from the other two. Especially since you called him: “Young Gareth”.
~ Were the relationships between characters well-developed and meaningful?
I loved how you portrayed Leon’s relationship with Albee. I knew all along that Albee greatly needed Leon…though he never mentioned it until the very drastic end…which was perfect! I think Leon and Ian’s relationship was developed well, too.
I also liked how you strengthened Leon and Julian’s relationship with each other and God when they got separated. I think the growth was more on Julian’s end…but still I was so happy when they met again!
~ Were there any characters you wanted to see more of?
My favs of course: Julian and Rolf. I like Rolf more than Julian now…because of his capture story, so I’d like to see more of him. Albee was very interesting as well, and (I think) one of the best characters you wrote in that story, so I think it would be cool to see his arc further developed. But, he’s fine where we last saw him as well. It leaves it up to the reader to imagine his path.
Omar was neat as well…but I think he would fit better in his own book.
~ Did any characters feel unnecessary to the story?
Roland. period. If Rolf didn’t have the capture part…he could get cut out as well…but you probably do want someone from that first village…so he can stay.
One of Rolf’s friends. Simon or Joran…either way doesn’t matter.
There are probably other characters…but I can’t even remember them.
~Did it work having two MCs
I think so. Sometimes, when they are writing I forget who is who…since they sometimes write very alike. Other times, it’s easier to tell who’s writing. Perhaps trying to distinguish their individual personality in their writing more may help?
~ Was the plot solid and engaging?
The very beginning seemed a bit slow to me…but I’d just entered the 3rd book without reading the first two…so I think that’s what it may have been. Once a bit in the story, it was very intriguing!
I’ll send the rest of my answers later.
"He who never quotes will never be quoted." ~Charles Spurgeon
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