The Flames of Hope Saga Book 3: Land of Shadows

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  • #200722
    Ellette Giselle
    @ellette-giselle
      • Rank: Chosen One
      • Total Posts: 3523

      @hybridlore    @koshka   @keilah-h    @elishavet-pidyon   @liberty


      @linus-smallprint
         (I know you haven’t had a chance to get to yesterday’s, but I’m impatient. Sorry.) 😂

       

       

      NEXT SECTION!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

      Night had fallen about the city, and the occupants of the palace were retiring to their rooms. Prince Dietrich had excused himself early after the meal, declining the entertainment of several pretty entertainers, or a mysterious temple girl with a veil over her face and promises of fortune and a glimpse into the future if her palm was crossed with silver. Marius had gone with Dietrich, and the girls pouted at the loss of such a fine catch for the night and then went to pursue officers and young lords.

      Now, all of them had gone away, for the moon was high in the sky and the stars had been shining for several hours.

      Upstairs, Dietrich’s bedchamber was peaceful and dark. Glowing, red coals burned in the hearth, giving off a comforting warmth and low light for the whole room. The prince lay in the great bed, his face peaceful as he slept.

      A shadow moved swiftly through the room, and the next moment, a hand had clamped down over Dietrich’s mouth. The young prince started awake, and his eyes met those of a high priest.

      In a moment, Dietrich was dragged from his bed and yanked to his feet. He struggled, but two more men came, to subdue him. The priest removed his hand for a fraction of a moment, and Dietrich tried to yell, but the sound was stifled by one of the temple troops, and his head was wrenched back.

      “Silence,” the priest hissed.

      Dietrich tried to bite the hand over his mouth, but the man wore thick leather gloves. Oh God, let Marius hear us! Send him to get help! Where are the guards?

      The high priest stood over the young prince, a smile twisting his face. “If you don’t stop fighting, someone you care for could get hurt.”

      Dietrich felt a chill run through him. Who do they have?

      As if reading his thoughts, the priest motioned to the side, and Dietrich looked. Two temple troops came into the room, dragging someone between them. Oh God, please don’t let it be who I think it is.

      The young man painfully raised his head, and Dietrich’s heart sank. It was Marius. The white shirt he normally war to bed was torn all the way off one shoulder and it was stained with blood.

      Marius met Dietrich’s look and then glanced away. Dietrich knew he was blaming himself for their capture, even though it was the job of Dietrich’s guards to stop intruders. Dietrich wondered where the guards were and why the priests hadn’t been stopped.

      All these things ran through the young prince’s mind in the space of a few breaths. Then, he turned to look at the priest. He straightened and threw his head up, yanking it away from the hand of the man who held him. “Let us go. I am Prince Dietrich, son of Emperor Haidronias, heir to the imperial throne, and no man can lay a hand on me or my servants. Your life is forfeit because of this act of treason.”

      The priest laughed in a low voice. “No, my prince, that is not so, for we act under the orders of the emperor himself.”

      “Lies,” Dietrich retorted.

      “Lies?” the priest asked, holding out a document.

      Dietrich saw his father’s sign and seal on the parchment, and a cold chill crept through him. “How… how did you get him to sign it? What does it say?” He demanded.

      The high priest smiled. “This winter is taking a brutal turn. Last year left the people with only seventy percent of the normal year’s income and abundance, and if this winter is worse, the nation could very well sink below half of its former wealth. The emperor needed a way out. He needed a way to rectify this problem, and we gave him one.”

      “How,” Dietrich demanded.

      “We merely told him the winter is a punishment.”

      “For what?”

      “Disloyalty and rejection of the gods.”

      “But my father didn’t care about that. He said it was only idle talk among the peasants to pass their time,” Dietrich replied.

      “Ah, but we know the truth,” the priest smiled. “We know villages and towns are embracing this new God–– some wholly dedicated to Him. And it is not just the peasants. There are scholars, teachers, nobles, merchants… and even royals. You know this, and now he does as well. We made it clear to him that you have accepted this new God and thus have turned your back on the true gods of this nation. And what is more, you do not believe as he does… so there is an obligation.”

      “What are you talking about?” Dietrich demanded.

      “Do not think we are ignorant. We know that this new God is a jealous one, who does not allow other deities. Therefore, if you are to serve your God, you must destroy the other gods of this nation, and to do that, a believer of the one God must sit upon the throne.”

      Dietrich tried to yank free, but the temple troops held him fast. “You told my father I was trying to usurp his throne? You know that’s a lie!” he exclaimed.

      “I do,” The priest smiled. “But he doesn’t.”

      Dietrich gritted his teeth. “What does that document say?”

      The high priest smiled. “It gives us authority to hunt down and destroy the rebellion that has gathered to assonate the emperor and take his throne in the name of their one God, and to punish them according to the gods’ desires.”

      “It’s all lies!” Dietrich shouted. “You know that is not what’s happening. You know the truth!”

      “Of course I do,” the priest snarled back. “I know that if you ever take the throne, I will lose the power I hold over this nation. I rule the Empire through the throne, and if the throne will not listen to me, I have lost that ability.”

      Dietrich twisted against the grasp of the men who held him. “Let me speak to my father!” he yelled. “I demand to see him, and you must obey my orders!”

      The priest shook his head. “The emperor may have it in his heart to listen to you. I cannot risk that.”

      There was a long silence. Dietrich had known something like this could happen, but never had he dreamed it would come so soon, nor be carried out so swiftly and thoroughly. He wondered who else was being arrested at that very moment.

      Leon had been right.

      At last, Dietrich found his voice. “What will you do with us?”

      The high priest stepped forward so that he was inches from Dietrich. “We will take you from the palace— there is no need to draw unwanted attention. Once we have reached the temple, I will put to death your traitorous servant.”

      Diedrich felt a chill run down his spine, and he darted a glance at Marius. His friend had straightened in the grip of his captors, and he gave Dietrich a firm nod. Dietrich turned back to the priest. “And then?”

      The priest’s eyes darkened with hatred. “And then you will be given a choice to turn back to the gods and serve us faithfully, or I will slit your throat with my own hand.”

       

      ***

       

      Julian woke to a soft tapping on the door. He opened his eyes slowly and groggily, wishing whoever was at the door would go away. He could see Leon’s shadowy form in the night. Aelic was sitting up and looking about the room with confusion.

      Julian shielded his eyes with his hands as Leon lit a candle and got to his feet. He walked slowly to the door and opened it. The innkeeper’s wife was there, a shawl about her shoulders and a confused look on her face. “Leon, someone knocked on the inn door, and when we opened it, this letter lay on the ground on the step. It is addressed to you.”

      Leon took the letter. “Thank you very much, mam.”

      “Will you be needing anything else?” the woman asked.

      “No, but thank you,” Leon replied.

      She nodded and left. Leon shut the door and turned, the letter in his hand.

      “Who is it from?” Julian asked.

      “I don’t know,” Leon replied. He walked over and sat on the edge of his bed, lighting another candle with the one in his hand. Julian came to stand beside him, and Aelic sat down on the end of Leon’s bed, yawning and rubbing his eyes.

      Leon looked at his name scribbled over the front and then turned the letter over. There was a splash of wax, but no seal. After a moment, Leon opened the letter and began to read.

       

         Leon,

      You don’t know who I am, but I know you. You and your friends are in grave danger. The High Priest convinced the emperor to sign a decree that gives him full power to eradicate the followers of the One God. He has already begun to carry this out. It was less than two hours ago that Prince Dietrich and his servant, Marius, were put to death in the temple to appease the wrath of the gods. I shouldn’t be telling you this, nor should I even be writing to you, but what I saw was something that will forever change me. I am warning you, all followers of the One God are in danger, and you and your friends are especially targets as the leaders. Leave the Capital and warn as many as you can. This does not end here. They will continue to hunt down and kill until all the Empire is purged. Go into hiding while you still can.

       

      The letter fell from Leon’s hands to the floor. “Oh God,” he whispered, covering his face with his hands.

      Julian snatched up the letter and read it quickly. “Oh no. Oh Lord no.” He sank down on his bed, the letter crumpled in his fingers. Aelic stared at the two in fear and then bolted, calling for Rolf and Roland.

      The two young men soon came back, Aelic close behind them. “Leon! Julian! What happened?” Rolf exclaimed.

      Julian was shaking with hoarse, angry sobs, but Leon looked up, his eyes filled with tears. “Prince Dietrich and Marius are dead.”

      Aelic froze and Roland went white.

      “What!” Rolf cried. “How?”

      “The high priest convinced the emperor to sign an order giving him power to kill us all. They killed Marius and Dietrich first as an appeasement to the gods. Now, they are coming for all the rest of us.”

      The room was filled with a stunned silence for several minutes. Then, Leon got quickly to his feet. “We need to leave.”

      “Leon, no!” Rolf cried. “No! We can’t just leave!”

      “They are coming to arrest us. They could be here any moment,” Leon said.

      “So? What have you been saying this whole time about being ready to lay down your life but not your sword!” Rolf shouted angrily.

      Leon rounded on him. “Rolf, I am not running away, but neither am I going to stand here and wait for them to arrest me. The time for that may come, but it is not now. Now we need to go and warn as many of the believers as we can, and we need to warn the innkeeper and his wife. I am not sure, but it may come down to us leaving the Capital, even if only for a time. We will discuss that later. Right now, we need to go and let God use us to save as many lives as we can.”

      Rolf looked away. “I am sorry.”

      Leon nodded in understanding and then turned and pulled on his boots. Rolf ran downstairs to tell the innkeeper and his wife, and the rest gathered their few belongings and strapped on their rucksacks.

      It was not long before the five of them were out in the streets. “Where do we go first?” Roland asked.

      “We’ll split up and cover as much of the city as we can on this end,” Leon said. “Get other fast men to help. We’ll all meet in the blacksmith’s shop. Mr. Köhler told me that there is a hidden basement there that is large enough to meet for Sabbath if we needed to. Warn all those you know and tell them to warn friends and family. We will all meet there. Don’t say anything about the prince or Marius. Not yet. Get into hiding before dawn”

      They nodded and took off in different directions. Julian paused and looked back at Leon. “May God go with you,” he said hoarsely.

      “And with you,” Leon murmured as his friend turned and sprinted down the alley.

      Leon took off down another street. He came to one home and nocked. The family’s oldest son answered the door. “Leon, what’s going on?”

      “Konnor, get your family to Köhler’s shop. The Priests have an order for our arrest. Warn as many as you can.”

      Konnor staggered slightly, but he nodded and hurried back inside, calling for his father.

      Leon sprinted to the next house. It was not long before his lungs, throat, and chest burned from the freezing air, and his face was so numb he could hardly feel it.

      The night was still dark when he stumbled into the blacksmith’s shop and was greeted by Mr. Köhler himself. The man motioned for Leon to follow him to a trapdoor in the floor. Leon clattered down the ladder and discovered over half of the church already there. Rolf and Aelic were among them.

      It was not long Before Julian and Roland arrived with a few more, and then Mr. Köhler himself slid down the ladder and joined them. Looking about, Leon saw everyone but the soldiers from Hans’ company were there. He wondered if the priests had already gotten to them, and he prayed they were safe.

      There was a long silence accented only by fearful whispers from children and gentle hushing from their parents. Then, someone spoke from near the back. “Leon, what’s happening?”

      Leon took a deep breath and swung his rucksack off. He opened it and grabbed the letter inside. He straightened and looked around the room. “First, does anyone know where Hans and the others are?”

      “Hans told me on the Sabbath that they were setting out for another town yesterday afternoon,” one man said.

      Leon breathed a silent prayer of thanks. Then, he spoke. “Brothers and sisters, not too long ago I warned you that we live in a great war between the evil one and Jesus Christ. Last night, a blow was struck against us. The high priest was able to convince the emperor to sign an order that gives them the power to eradicate those who follow God.”

      Whispers of fear and dismay replied through the room.

      “We knew this could happen,” Leon said. “God has given us the time we needed to grow in faith and strength so that we may face this battle.”

      “When will they start?” one man asked.

      “It has already begun,” Leon replied. “Just a few hours ago, Prince Dietrich and Marius gave their lives for Christ.”

      Low exclamations of horror broke from many of those there, while others stared at Leon in stunned shock.

      It took Leon a moment before he could see clearly enough to read the letter in his hands. “Someone wrote this as a warning to us,” he said hoarsely. He cleared his throat and read the message.

      When he had finished, the only sound was quiet weeping from several of the women.

      At last, Leon was able to speak again. “We do not know what lies ahead, but right now we do have options. We can flee this city and seek shelter among the other towns and villages. Or we can stay and face what is to come. We must pray. God may call some of us to do one thing, and others to do another. It is not wrong to flee, if God calls you to do so, for the disciples themselves often did so. But if God calls you to stay, then you must. Do what He leads you to do.”

      “And what will you do?” someone asked.

      “I do not know,” Leon replied. “I need to pray, as do you. Do not base your decisions on what others do. Do as the Lord calls you to.”

      “How will we even get out of the city?” someone else asked.

      “If it is God’s will that we leave, then He will make a way,” Leon replied. “Now, pray with your families, and may God guide us all.”

      ***

      The seventeenth year of Emperor Haidronias’s reign
      January 23st
      The Empire

      The time has come. We knew this could happen, we expected it to happen to us, but still, it is unexpected in its sudden ruthlessness. The priests have convinced the emperor to give them the power to annihilate us. All who do not bow to the gods of the Empire will face punishment and most likely death. Already two of ours have fallen– Prince Dietrich and his servant, Marius. Now we are in hiding in the blacksmith’s shop. Around me, many heads are bent in prayer, but others, like myself, have made the choice. Oh, what a terrible choice it is! The choice to stay here and face this attack full on, or to run and seek shelter and warn others of what is coming. It is a horrible choice, but God has made this trial gentler than I thought, for He has made clear to me which road to take. I am not afraid to die, yet I have the strongest feeling that I am not ready to– in a sense that I have not finished what I was called here to do. I don’t know what the others will do. I couldn’t bare it if… if Leon stayed, yet I know what God has called me to do.
      Oh Lord, I dare not pray that Leon will come with me, but rather that you show him Your will. Whatever that may be.
      Oh Dietrich and Marius. My heart aches for them, and I can hardly bare this sorrow. I know I would not be so steady if it weren’t God’s strength and the need for action in this time. I can hardly believe that they are dead. Oh, what horrors did they face? I can only hope and pray… no, I know they faced death rather than give up their faith. Why else would the priests be able to kill the prince himself? And the one who wrote the letter said it was something never to be forgotten. No, they died as true soldiers of Christ, of that I am certain.
      I know the pain of their death will come upon me soon, but for now I am too stunned and horrified to know what to write or think. I know that these are not the last words I shall pen about those courageous young soldiers.
      Leon is standing up. He is talking with the Blacksmith. I think he is going to speak. Now we will know what paths lie before us.

      ~Julian

       

      “Brothers and sisters,” Leon said.

      All in the room turned toward him.

      “Those of us who are fleeing the city cannot delay. Every moment might be one moment too late.”

      “Have you made your decision?” one man asked.

      Leon sighed. “I have, and it is a hard one. I came here fully expecting this, and I am ready to face whatever comes, but God will not give me peace to do so. Every moment I decided to stay, God keeps pushing me to go. I am almost sure I will return here again, but there is a voice in my heart that says I must leave, for there is more I must do.”

      Julian couldn’t help the breath of relief that escaped him. He was not the only one who felt this way, and he would not be leaving alone.

      “This was a very hard thing to do,” Leon said. “I don’t want to leave any of you, and the pain of this separation will be deep. If any of you are also leaving, I plan to make my way to Clonabay where I can easily disappear for a little while until God tells me what to do. I will stop by Landstraten to warn the church there. I will leave at once, for there is not a moment to spare.”

      At that, many of the people turned to friends and family and began one last hurried moment of decision. Julian walked up to Leon and was in time to hear Rolf talking to him. “I don’t want to go, yet I must get to my family. I have a feeling something is going to happen. I have to warn them”

      Leon turned to look at Roland. “And you?”

      “I promised Liesl I’d come back for her.”

      “Aelic?” asked Leon.

      The boy looked up. “There is something I must do. I’ll come with you for the time being.”

      Leon turned and caught sight of Julian. He raised an eyebrow, and Julian nodded soberly. It was enough.

      “Leon, will you join us a moment?” one of the men asked.

      Leon nodded and moved toward him.

      Julian let out a long breath and distracted himself by tightening the straps on is rucksack.

      It was not long before Leon called the people to silence again. “I am leaving, as you know, but I will not leave this church without her leaders. Konner Krüger, Reinhold Meier, and Fox Keller will lead you. They have trained with us for several months, and they are ready. Join me in prayer over them.”

      Many came forward, and Julian, Leon, Rolf, Roland, and Aelic laid their hands on the three men. “Father God, give Konner, Walter and Fox strength as they stay behind in the path of danger to lead and guide Your church,” Leon prayed. “Guide them, keep them close to You, strengthen their faith and fill them with Your Spirit. May they always be humble in Your sight and walk upright in Your ways. Let each hold the other accountable and may they all stand accountable before You. Guide them as they lead You people.”

      Others prayed over the three, and then, when the time of prayer was over, Leon spoke. “Come, let us pray together, all of us united together one last time, until we are united in the presence of our Lord.”

      They prayed together for about half an hour. No one wanted it to end so soon, but everyone knew daylight would come and those who were fleeing must do so quickly.

      Soon they began to slip out, either to return to their homes or to escape the city.

      The sun was just rising when Leon and his friends came to the city gates. They had just been opened, and already those who had been waiting outside began to stream in. Leon and his companions made it out of the city and began to walk at a steady pace away from the Capital. They did not stop until they had climbed the large rocky hills.

      There, they paused and turned to look back at the Capital. Leon felt a deep ache within, for he loved this country, and he feared for it now that the emperor had been persuaded to take such drastic steps. They did not stay still long, for the snow was at least a foot deep, and the weather was cold.

      Julian fell in step at Leon’s side, and the two trudged through the snow in silence. At last, Julian spoke; “This was not what I had expected. I never thought I would leave the Capital once I entered it.”

      Leon nodded.

      “What could God have left for us to do?” Julian wondered.

      “I don’t know,” Leon replied. “But whatever it is, I pray He gives me the strength to face what lies ahead.”

      Julian nodded and turned to look ahead at the land still darkened by shadows before the coming of the dawn.

       

       

       

       

      The people who walked in darkness
      have seen a great light;
      those who dwelt in a land of deep darkness,
      on them has light shone.

      ~Isaiah 9:2

      Again Jesus spoke to them, saying,
      “I am the Light of the world.
      Whoever follows Me will not walk in darkness,
      but will have the Light of life.”

      ~John 18:12

       

       

       

       

      The End

      No half-heartedness and no worldly fear must turn us aside from following the light unflinchingly.

      #200724
      Ellette Giselle
      @ellette-giselle
        • Rank: Chosen One
        • Total Posts: 3523

        And this page is gonna blow up.

         

        No one saw ANY of that coming.

         

        😏

        No half-heartedness and no worldly fear must turn us aside from following the light unflinchingly.

        #200726
        hybridlore
        @hybridlore
          • Rank: Chosen One
          • Total Posts: 2232

          @ellette-giselle

          The END????

          I feel like Marius and Prince Dietrich will come back. The way you left it, it does sound like an eyewitness saw their deaths, but… Why would you have cut the scene off so soon? It feels unfinished. If you didn’t intend that, maybe you should make it clearer that they did die.

          I don’t know, I guess I’m just used to characters coming back if we didn’t see them die directly, so I suspected that. But I guess we’ll see.

          Good section! I like the ending. 😢❤️

          "Don't shine so that others can see you. Shine so that through you, others can see Him." ~ C. S.

          #200727
          Linus Smallprint
          @linus-smallprint
            • Rank: Knight in Shining Armor
            • Total Posts: 998

            @ellette-giselle

            Leon was dragged from the warm comfort of sleep by something sharp pricking his leg. He readjusted, shaking his leg, but something pinched him. “Ow!” he exclaimed, bending over to inspect the pricking.

            At that moment, something whistled overhead and struck the chair. Leon hit the floor and rolled to a crouch, the annoying pain in his leg forgotten.

            Embedded in the back of the chair, the point having driven through to the other side, was a crossbow bolt.

            Big Yikes!

            Can any of you deny that what happened last night was an act of God’s sovereignty and care?

            I don’t think you intended this, but this is a little harsh. The way he said it, it comes across as challenging unbelief. Like Leon is saying, ‘Do any of you now dare to disbelief after what happened to me?’ I think it’s the way he starts the sentence. ‘Can any of you deny…’ This might not quite fit Leon’s character, but what if he refrased this as ‘Isn’t our God’s sovereignty and care amazing?’

            The women are not called to fight in the streets as the men are, but they are called to fight in the home, working side by side with their husbands to raise up the next generations of warriors for Christ.

            I don’t agree with Leon here. Yes, the role of women does differ from that of men, but your role still extends beyond the home.

            I can see you have been talking to Koshka about this already. I agree with what you said there.

            Other than those two things, a fine sermon from Leon.

            (I know you haven’t had a chance to get to yesterday’s, but I’m impatient. Sorry.)

            I will read that right away. I’ve only seen the words ‘The End’ so far. Interesting…

            Sometimes it is necessary to paint the sky black in order to see the stars.

            #200728
            Ellette Giselle
            @ellette-giselle
              • Rank: Chosen One
              • Total Posts: 3523

              @hybridlore

              Yes. The end.

               

              It snuck up on me too. 🤣 I scrolled to the next page and was like, “Oh! This is where I decided to break it!”

               

              I feel like Marius and Prince Dietrich will come back. The way you left it, it does sound like an eyewitness saw their deaths, but… Why would you have cut the scene off so soon? It feels unfinished. If you didn’t intend that, maybe you should make it clearer that they did die.

              Nope, they are dead. 100% dead.

              and there was an eye witness who wrote the letter.

               

              I did have that scene, actually, but it’s pretty brutal, so I decided to cut it out, especially since there are some pretty hard scenes in the next book, and this one was absolutely necessary.

               

              Good section! I like the ending. 😢❤️

              Well yay! I’m glad you like the ending.

               

               

               

              No half-heartedness and no worldly fear must turn us aside from following the light unflinchingly.

              #200729
              Ellette Giselle
              @ellette-giselle
                • Rank: Chosen One
                • Total Posts: 3523

                @linus-smallprint

                 

                Big Yikes!

                he made it though! 😅

                 

                I don’t think you intended this, but this is a little harsh. The way he said it, it comes across as challenging unbelief. Like Leon is saying, ‘Do any of you now dare to disbelief after what happened to me?’ I think it’s the way he starts the sentence. ‘Can any of you deny…’ This might not quite fit Leon’s character, but what if he refrased this as ‘Isn’t our God’s sovereignty and care amazing?’

                Yeah…. I suppose it would help if you had the tone of voice Leon is speaking in going through youir head. He was syaing what you are saying, just in more of a question form. Idk. It makes sense when you hear it. 🤣

                I’ll fix that.

                 

                I don’t agree with Leon here. Yes, the role of women does differ from that of men, but your role still extends beyond the home.

                Right, and I covered that later. But in that time in history (or the time it replicates) single women were very few and far between. It was actually considered a disgrace to a family if a father had unmarried daughters who had been of age for several years. So the majority of his audience is married, and he does cover a side that could be geared toward single or married women later.

                Do you still have an issue with that in mind?

                 

                Other than those two things, a fine sermon from Leon.

                Thanks!

                No half-heartedness and no worldly fear must turn us aside from following the light unflinchingly.

                #200730
                hybridlore
                @hybridlore
                  • Rank: Chosen One
                  • Total Posts: 2232

                  @ellette-giselle

                  That’s funny! 😆 Yeah, I had no idea this was the last section, but then… once I read it, I was like, okay, that kind of works. But it was definitely a shock.

                  (For a reader with an actual copy of the book, it wouldn’t be, cause you’d get to see how many pages left. We’re kind of reading blindly on here. XD)

                  Yeah, that makes sense. I don’t know how the others will see it (if they’ll think the same as me) but yeah, I guess I’m so used to characters coming back after their “deaths” that I tend not to believe them unless I see it on the page or it’s really clear. But I’m sort of glad you didn’t show it. Maybe just with another line or two somewhere you could make it clearer?

                  Possibly at the end of Prince Dietrich’s scene cut. Maybe add something like, “Dietrich squeezed his eyes shut. Whatever it came to, he knew he couldn’t deny Christ.” Or something like that. Then when we hear of his death, it makes more sense, given his state at the end of the scene. Even though we don’t get to see the death, we feel assured that it’s what would have happened. Anyway, yeah, just some advice, so feel free to take it or leave it. You might want to ask Linus, Koshka, and Liberty what they think.

                  Is actually really curious who this mysterious person is now. 👀

                  especially since there are some pretty hard scenes in the next book,

                  Oh no. 🫣😓

                  Yeah, I really liked the last paragraph, how you tied in the title.

                  "Don't shine so that others can see you. Shine so that through you, others can see Him." ~ C. S.

                  #200731
                  Ellette Giselle
                  @ellette-giselle
                    • Rank: Chosen One
                    • Total Posts: 3523

                    @hybridlore

                     

                    Okay yeah, I can see what they think. I don’t really ever do “dead” characters coming back to life. That troupe drives me insane. I think I’ve only ever done it once.

                    I had another time when one character thought the other one was dead, but you were following both MCs, so you knew the truth. (kind of like with Julian and Leon)

                     

                    Oh no. 🫣😓

                    yeah…….

                     

                     

                    Yeah, I really liked the last paragraph, how you tied in the title.

                    Thanks!!! I wanted to, but not in a in-your-face-obvious sort of way. Glad it works.

                    No half-heartedness and no worldly fear must turn us aside from following the light unflinchingly.

                    #200732
                    hybridlore
                    @hybridlore
                      • Rank: Chosen One
                      • Total Posts: 2232

                      @ellette-giselle

                      Yeah, it’s kind of overused, but it does make plots interesting.

                      Sounds good!

                      By the way, did you see the next chapter of TCOH?

                      "Don't shine so that others can see you. Shine so that through you, others can see Him." ~ C. S.

                      #200733
                      Linus Smallprint
                      @linus-smallprint
                        • Rank: Knight in Shining Armor
                        • Total Posts: 998

                        @ellette-giselle

                        The high priest stepped forward so that he was inches from Dietrich. “We will take you from the palace— there is no need to draw unwanted attention. Once we have reached the temple, I will put to death your traitorous servant.”

                        Diedrich felt a chill run down his spine, and he darted a glance at Marius. His friend had straightened in the grip of his captors, and he gave Dietrich a firm nod. Dietrich turned back to the priest. “And then?”

                        The priest’s eyes darkened with hatred. “And then you will be given a choice to turn back to the gods and serve us faithfully, or I will slit your throat with my own hand.”

                        Yes, but now Diedrich can fight again because he knows that the hostage who was used to convince him to stop fighting is going to die anyway. So why are they taking away their means of manipulating him?

                        On a side note, I wonder what the Priest’s motivations are (other than hatred of God). Seems like control over the people may be a big one, possibly wealth.

                        You don’t know who I am, but I know you.

                        Ooo, secret friends. I’m guessing you want me to guess. Obviously, someone who is either connected to the priests (or is maybe one of them, who has had a change of heart, but isn’t bold enough to be open about it yet) or works in the castle. This would likely be the case for this person to know these things. I don’t think this is a named character we have met. I’ll just call him Nick for now.

                        (Another thought, the priests think Leon is dead from what I know. I don’t know if they ever learned that the arrow did not hit him. But this person wrote the letter directly to Leon.)

                        So that’s it. A bit disheartening to see the characters come so far and then for everything to fall apart and to have what they thought was the biggest hope of the Empire become Christian to die.

                        I might choose different Bible verses for the end that give a little more hope. These ones feel more appropriate if the priests had not gotten the upper hand. Not that they aren’t true (it is scripture after all), it just that what we see in the story right now is seemingly contradicting them as darkness is growing again. How about something like Jerimiah 29:11, which fits into the conversation at the very end better?

                        I’ll wait until your feedback questions to give you thoughts on the book as a whole.

                         

                         

                        Sometimes it is necessary to paint the sky black in order to see the stars.

                        #200734
                        Ellette Giselle
                        @ellette-giselle
                          • Rank: Chosen One
                          • Total Posts: 3523

                          @hybridlore

                          Yes, I did!

                          I’m so sorry, I was swamped yesterday. I’ll get to it as soon as I can.

                          No half-heartedness and no worldly fear must turn us aside from following the light unflinchingly.

                          #200736
                          Ellette Giselle
                          @ellette-giselle
                            • Rank: Chosen One
                            • Total Posts: 3523

                            @linus-smallprint

                            Sure, he can try. He’s been trying for the last few minutes. It’s not going to do much good. He’s a sixteen-year-old kid against several temple guards.

                            They’re going to win.

                             

                            On a side note, I wonder what the Priest’s motivations are (other than hatred of God). Seems like control over the people may be a big one, possibly wealth.

                            Well yeah, he basically said that to Dietrich. He is currently the ruler of the Empire because he rules the emperor.

                             

                            Haha, I actually didn’t think you’d guess. I guess you’ll have to wait for the next book to find out who “nick” is.

                            btw, why Nick? Everyone does “Bob” or “Bill” around here when they don’t know the name. 😂

                             

                            (Another thought, the priests think Leon is dead from what I know. I don’t know if they ever learned that the arrow did not hit him. But this person wrote the letter directly to Leon.)

                            *nods and smiles*

                             

                            I might choose different Bible verses for the end that give a little more hope. These ones feel more appropriate if the priests had not gotten the upper hand. Not that they aren’t true (it is scripture after all), it just that what we see in the story right now is seemingly contradicting them as darkness is growing again. How about something like Jerimiah 29:11, which fits into the conversation at the very end better?

                            But look at the two verses. One is Old Testament, one is New. One is the promise, one is the fulfillment of the promise. One has the name of the book in it, the other explains the name. I’ve done this in the last two books you read also.

                            “The people who walked in darkness have seen a great light; those who dwelt in a land of shadow, on them has light shone.”

                            ~Isaiah 9:2

                            (btw, I used the wrong translation in the version I posted above. whoops) 😅

                            So there’s the promise of people who had walked in darkness seeing a great light. And then this verse tells you Who that light is.

                            Again Jesus spoke to them, saying, “I am the Light of the world. Whoever follows Me will not walk in darkness, but will have the Light of life.”

                            ~John 18:12

                             

                            If you look at the ends of the others I do the same thing. I start the book with the first verse, and then end it with the first and last.

                             

                            Okay, I’ll post those questions in a moment.

                             

                            btw, side-track, but I was wondering since you do web design, what you thought of the Publishing House? I had to learn some web design to do it.

                             

                            No half-heartedness and no worldly fear must turn us aside from following the light unflinchingly.

                            #200737
                            Ellette Giselle
                            @ellette-giselle
                              • Rank: Chosen One
                              • Total Posts: 3523

                              @linus-smallprint

                              Oh, one other thing. @hybridlore says it seems unclear that the prince is dead. I don;t know if you saw our conversation, but if you did, what are your thoughts?

                              No half-heartedness and no worldly fear must turn us aside from following the light unflinchingly.

                              #200738
                              hybridlore
                              @hybridlore
                                • Rank: Chosen One
                                • Total Posts: 2232

                                @ellette-giselle

                                No worries! I get it. I just wondered.


                                @linus-smallprint

                                (Another thought, the priests think Leon is dead from what I know. I don’t know if they ever learned that the arrow did not hit him. But this person wrote the letter directly to Leon.)

                                Ohh, good point!

                                "Don't shine so that others can see you. Shine so that through you, others can see Him." ~ C. S.

                                #200739
                                Linus Smallprint
                                @linus-smallprint
                                  • Rank: Knight in Shining Armor
                                  • Total Posts: 998

                                  @ellette-giselle

                                  Sure, he can try. He’s been trying for the last few minutes. It’s not going to do much good. He’s a sixteen-year-old kid against several temple guards.

                                  They’re going to win.

                                  Common sence. Got it.

                                  btw, why Nick? Everyone does “Bob” or “Bill” around here when they don’t know the name. 

                                  Short for Nicodemus. That’s all I will explain.

                                  If you look at the ends of the others I do the same thing. I start the book with the first verse, and then end it with the first and last.

                                  Ah, okay.

                                  Oh, one other thing. hybridlore says it seems unclear that the prince is dead. I don;t know if you saw our conversation, but if you did, what are your thoughts?

                                  “Never assume anyone is dead until you have seen the body.” – A likey butchered quote from Dune, a book that if you haven’t read, I wouldn’t recommend (the movie actually kind of fixed that issue).

                                  Sometimes it is necessary to paint the sky black in order to see the stars.

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