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Where did you come from?!?! 😂
*Wiggles fingers mysteriously* Narnia…
I wonder what is hooking everyone so much about this section?! Why do y’all like it so much?
I guess it felt well balanced to me, better than some of the others. You did more show than tell; your characters were interacting with each other and their own struggles; I felt invested in the characters, and their pain was easier to connect to and not just ’emotion’; I felt more in their heads and less reading over their shoulders. The wrapup lines made ne feel like something had just been done. It was good.
Also, Ian’s conversion was one of my favorites to date for a number of reasons.
(Also, I happen to be on spring break, so I actually had time to read through, think about, and respond to this chapter.)
First Grand Historian of Arreth and the Lesser Realms (aka Kitty)
Fork the GorkOh my word!! 😂
Huh, this was never one of my best scenes in my mind. That’s funny how that does that. 🤣
Also, Ian’s conversion was one of my favorites to date for a number of reasons.
Ooooo!!! TELL ME!!
No half-heartedness and no worldly fear must turn us aside from following the light unflinchingly.
ROLF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Oh my gosh, Ellette!! I literally cried happy tears when I read that!!!
WOW oh WOW!!!!!!
I’m SO happy! This entire section was phenomenal!!! The part when Leon saves Ian…when Leon realizes he’s dying 😭😭 I thought you were going to pull a Lamplighter move on me! 😭 Thankfully…that didn’t happen!!!! And when Leon and Ian are taken away…Albee’s confession (I already knew he felt that way)…
And oh, man. I really thought they were going to kill Leon!!! I was truly scared for him in that moment. And when their master was kind…😭 WOW! I really connected with the characters this time! Their astonishment at the care and kindness…yum, the good food…the backstory of Kareem…and the mention of Quayid…
You know, I did have the slightest notion of, “What if it was Rolf”? But that was chased away when Kareem mentioned him…he seemed to become some philosopher guy like Dian who would have somethings right…and yet still away from God…
Especially when Rolf enters:
Leon looked up to see a young man. He back was turned as he closed the door, and he was talking to a boy standing at his side.
He turned and pulled off his dusty, white head-cloth, looking up with a bright smile.
It sounded like he was a stranger. So when it says it was Rolf…
I kind of, like, broke down with relieved happy tears. I’m so glad he’s alright!!!
That’s why you didn’t respond when I asked if Rolf was gone for good.
Anyway, you utterly caught me off guard…and made me cry.
"He who never quotes will never be quoted." ~Charles Spurgeon
I’VE BEEN WAITING FOR YOU TO READ THIS SECTION!!!!!!!!!
I’m so happy! I posted it and I was like, “Liberty’s gonna love this!!!”
Haha!!! I’m so glad I threw you a loop!!
Good! I’m glad you were scared for him! 😂
I’m so HAPPY!!!!!!!
So, this is really cazy because I never thought this scene was one of my best!! 😂
So, what do you think of Kareem and his story???!
No half-heartedness and no worldly fear must turn us aside from following the light unflinchingly.
Seems like Leon takes some pride in his strength. I wounder if he is not just working for the glory of God anymore, but also to prove he still can.
“Oh yes,” Caleb replied. “As good a master as any slave could want! He is just and kind. We are almost free here. We do the work required–– which is a fair amount–– and then we are free to spend the evenings as we please as long as we stay on our master’s property. He lets us make instruments, play games, create art, and other such things. We are given good food, water and clothing, and as you can see, our home is a pleasant one. If any of us wish to learn to read or write, we are given ample opportunity to learn. Our master comes every week to see that all is well, and he is interested in each of us. He is a good man.”
This is kind of the picture I had in mind for the ‘slaves with a good master’ in my own series. Although, the context for mine would be different, so i can see how it works here, but it wouldn’t work in TNPT.
“Master Omar,” Caleb said, nodding respectfully.
When I hear this name, I think of an old, kindly grandfather.
It was Rolf.
I knew it!
Sometimes it is necessary to paint the sky black in order to see the stars.
Okay. XD
- It directly applied to today. Ian was hopeless. Utterly hopeless. And there really wasn’t anything better than Heaven itself to offer him. Most people today are already living in hell. They need to know heaven is real.
- We saw that suicide attempt coming, even though you didn’t spell that out. And then you thwarted a work of death with life eternal.
- Ian was already a favorite character of mine.
- You told the reader that Jesus is Hope. That to find that Hope they need to seek Him. But you did so through the characters and their struggles, without saying a word about it to the reader.
First Grand Historian of Arreth and the Lesser Realms (aka Kitty)
Fork the GorkSo, this is really cazy because I never thought this scene was one of my best!! 😂
It’s a stunning scene! I LOVE it!!
I’m so happy! I posted it and I was like, “Liberty’s gonna love this!!!”
You were so right!
So, what do you think of Kareem and his story???!
I really like him, and he’s very intriguing. He sounds like a character that could demand an entire book of his own! He reminds me of the monks who bought Squanto.
"He who never quotes will never be quoted." ~Charles Spurgeon
By the way, in The War to End All Wars, the guy actually gave his life to the other man. It was so sad…the story is about these American soldiers who are captured by the Japanese.
I don’t remember all the details, but one of the prisoners was caught doing something…and he and two other men were going to be executed. But the other man told the Japanese to take him instead. They did, let the other men go, and crucified the man who took their place. I believe the man who gave his life for them was a Christian as well…because he’d talked to the Japanese about the Bible…or something like that. Anyway, it’s a brutal war film…but it was very moving…and based on a true story.
"He who never quotes will never be quoted." ~Charles Spurgeon
I also liked the way Leon realizes he’s dying, and that he doesn’t have much time left to work here. The urgency that comes over his actions was real to me.
And then the whole “you’re crazy but I still kinda admire your attitude” thing was funny, but unfortunately real.
First Grand Historian of Arreth and the Lesser Realms (aka Kitty)
Fork the Gork@ellette-giselle Ooooh! I didn’t expect Qayid and Rolf to be the same person, but I’m happy he and Leon were reunited. I wonder what’ll happen to Albee, although I’m glad Leon and Ian weren’t separated at least.
Is Leon going to heal now that this new slave master is kinder to them and won’t make him work as hard as he did?
Also, I think this section is at least as well written as your previous ones, hence why everyone likes it. I agree that it’s predominantly shown and not told. Telling isn’t necessarily too bad in this work, especially since most of the supposed “telling” is through dialogue, but it’s nice to have something different.
"When in doubt, eat cheese crackers."-me to my charries who don't even know about cheese crackers
You know what, I was thinking that while I was editing yesterday morning!! 😂
When I hear this name, I think of an old, kindly grandfather.
Um…… you’re off by like 40 years.
I would peg this guy in his late 30s. Maybe early 40s.
It wasn’t too long ago that he was still physically fighting the slave trade, and he was a very young man at the time of that.
Speaking of…… any thoughts on his back story?
I knew it!
Oh! Wow!
You are the only one!
So, how did you ‘know it’?
No half-heartedness and no worldly fear must turn us aside from following the light unflinchingly.
Wow!!!
*sits there and reads with mouth open* I had no idea I did all that!!
BUT ACTUALLY
*clears throat and nods* of course of course… it’s all with the flows of literary design and technique. 😂
It’s actually really cool seeing you lay it out like that, because I had no idea I had done that.
No half-heartedness and no worldly fear must turn us aside from following the light unflinchingly.
I really like him, and he’s very intriguing. He sounds like a character that could demand an entire book of his own! He reminds me of the monks who bought Squanto.
I was literally thinking, “This guy needs his own book!” while I was editing! 🤣
Oh wow, that’s brutal. But those are the stories I love best!! Stories of REAL sacrifice that COSTS something. Not “oh you thought I died… but really I came back to life because it was a mistake.
and because my author decided he/she was unwilling to let me go.” 🙄No half-heartedness and no worldly fear must turn us aside from following the light unflinchingly.
I also liked the way Leon realizes he’s dying, and that he doesn’t have much time left to work here. The urgency that comes over his actions was real to me.
Oh yeah, I see that. There definitely is an urgency.
And then the whole “you’re crazy but I still kinda admire your attitude” thing was funny, but unfortunately real.
🤣 I like Albee in an annoyed sort of way to be honest….. 😂
Oh, btw, you said,
We saw that suicide attempt coming, even though you didn’t spell that out. And then you thwarted a work of death with life eternal.
And I was wondering how early on you saw it coming? I did a teeny, tiny bit of foreshadowing, but I’ll be very surprised if it was really picked up on as much as it just felt realistic when the scene actually came head on.
No half-heartedness and no worldly fear must turn us aside from following the light unflinchingly.
Haha, well, you and everyone else. (except Linus. He says he saw it coming, and I’m wondering if he caught on to something, or has read enough of my stuff that he guessed it was something I would do. 😂)
Is Leon going to heal now that this new slave master is kinder to them and won’t make him work as hard as he did?
🤷🏼♀️
There is only one way to find that sort of thing out……..
Hint: If you don’t know, ask Hybridlore. She’s learned. ….. sort of. 🤣
Well thank you for the complement! I’ll have to study this scene more to see what in the world I did differently. 😂
No half-heartedness and no worldly fear must turn us aside from following the light unflinchingly.
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