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Aw, that’s okay! If you know of a different way to get it through, I’m open to trying other things, but I understand if it’s too difficult for you to do right now.
'Whoever dwells in the shelter of the Most High will rest in the shadow of the Almighty.'
Some things I’d really like to hear from y’all are scene ideas. I’m planning to go back and extend a lot of the earlier chapters (at least 1-6) because I didn’t have the same word count goal for them as I do now. So if you have any ideas for scenes that would fit into those (or future scenes) I would love to hear them. So far I have a chapter outline that goes up to 20, and I’m currently at 16, so the rest of the book still has lots of space.
Sounds good, I’ll catch up with the chapters as soon as possible.
“Our house is full of ducks!!!!”
Sorry I’m late.
Sounds interesting. Sure, I will give your book a try. I’ve sent an access request from Justin Russell (the 458th one apparently).
Sometimes it is necessary to paint the sky black in order to see the stars.
Awesome! I approved it.
'Whoever dwells in the shelter of the Most High will rest in the shadow of the Almighty.'
One thing I’ve noticed is that you tend to use a lot of ellipses.
“Our house is full of ducks!!!!”
Ducks???👀
I, for one, really like Roman numerals.
Lol. Everything looks better with an ellipse.
I’ll watch that.'Whoever dwells in the shelter of the Most High will rest in the shadow of the Almighty.'
Ducks???👀
Indeed. It’s from one of the episodes of Martha Speaks, and that’s all I’ll say.
“Our house is full of ducks!!!!”
Up to the 6th chapter. Liking it so far. It looks like your opening is well-structured for the most part. I feel drawn in and can feel the tension. Sara finding the religion stuff interesting when others seem to think it boring or not worth their time makes her a character I want to follow.
One thing. From the opening scene, I was not under the impression at all that Sara was fascinated by the lecture. I knew she was focused and listening, but she did seem a little distracted by Cole. Also, her checking the time seemed to be an indication she was bored and waiting for the class to finally finish. Maybe this is just the way I am, but when I am fascinated by something, I tend to be completely focused on it, forgetting other things.
I relate to Sara’s confusion on receiving a bad grade on her assignment. When I took grade 11, I was doing the curriculum of my Province, and I am nearly sure my teacher was biased against me due to the Christian worldview I took on subjects such as bullying. Towards the end, the highest I would get on an assignment was 45%. I am so glad my mom pulled me out of that course and put me in another one that our home school board was running. English teachers, eh?
I’ll get to the next couple of chapters soon!
Sometimes it is necessary to paint the sky black in order to see the stars.
Awesome! Thanks so much for reading it! I’m looking forward to hearing what you think of the rest of it.
Good point, I hadn’t noticed that, but it totally makes sense. I’m planning to rewrite the first chapter anyway, so I’ll try to take that into account when I do.
Wow, that’s terrible. That kind of thing hasn’t happened to me yet, but it’s crazy that it has in real life. Sounds good!
'Whoever dwells in the shelter of the Most High will rest in the shadow of the Almighty.'
Okay, I am caught up now.
I see you already saw some of my comments. I like where this is going and I think Sara’s reaction to the underground church makes sense. You have good attention to detail as you write.
Out of curiosity, what draft number is this? I doubt it is the first.
Looking forward to the next chapters!
Sometimes it is necessary to paint the sky black in order to see the stars.
Awesome! Thank you so much! That was something I really tried to pay attention to, because I come from a Christian family and I’ve never known a time where my parents didn’t know God… so it’s something I have to think about, how someone who’s never been exposed to this kind of thing would react to it. If you or anyone else has any tips on that, I’m happy to hear feedback and advice.
This actually is the first draft, unless you count a few attempts at the first chapter while the story was still forming. Surprisingly, I’ve had the idea for about a year or so, and only started writing recently (late October) so unlike a lot of my projects, it’s had some time to form and develop. I think I have a pretty good idea of the plot, but I’m reaching the point where soon I will need more chapters outlined. (Like I mentioned, I’m in need of scene suggestions, so if you have any I’d love to hear them. For the future chapters and the first chapters since I’m planning to extend them.)
*remembers it’s Tuesday* I’ll get right on that. I may need to slow down with these chapters, though, since I’m already up to eight and I only have maybe sixteen finished. So you’ll probably only get one new one today.
'Whoever dwells in the shelter of the Most High will rest in the shadow of the Almighty.'
Alrighty, I read over the next two chapters and decided to post them both today, but after this, you can expect to get only one a week… unfortunately, I only have six more chapters after this. 🙁 I guess that means I need to write more haha.
Without further ado, here’s the link! (It’s the same one as last time 😉)
https://docs.google.com/document/d/1-zMrzq00iV3Dl0rNRM11Es_dJGZWv-3pF2haGGc5x4o/edit
@linus-smallprint @keilah-h @theshadow @theducktator @ellette-giselle (Just tagging you, know you can’t read it rn.) @koshka @whalekeeper @anybody-else'Whoever dwells in the shelter of the Most High will rest in the shadow of the Almighty.'
I read the two latest and thought they were good.
I like how Cole suddenly falls into his element and ends up with his team being the top in the class. I do wonder though how he knew the right answers if he never paid attention.
Sometimes it is necessary to paint the sky black in order to see the stars.
Great, thanks!! Yeah, I was trying to come up with something for the studying that would be interesting, but I’m not sure if I’ll change it next draft. I wanted to make something weird happen with the testing – the no answer changes being one of the first things I came up with – but I don’t know if it makes sense with the tests.
Yeah, that could use some clarification. What I’m going for with Cole – he’s actually really smart, but he gets bored easily during school and doesn’t really apply himself. This will become more apparent later, I hope. I’ll keep that in mind when I redo the chapter.
'Whoever dwells in the shelter of the Most High will rest in the shadow of the Almighty.'
I found a round about way to get access!! (Don’t ask)
anyways!! I am really liking this!!
a few notes:
Everette (I think) asks if Sara knows who Jesus was. Now, unless you have a very different theology than I do, I believe it’s who Jesus “is” not “was”.
Also, unless I missed something, the last we had with Cole was his screen going dark on the game. That leads me to believe that they list the round? What does that mean for them? I assume they aren’t disqualified. I was left thinking “oh no!” But then nothing was really said about it and it made me as the reader wonder if the author forgot. So yeah, maybe a bit more on that.
you said “Margaret— Mags” twice. That should only be there once and then refer to her as Mags.
Uhhh… I feel like there’s something else…
oh, what @linus-smallprint said about wondering how Cole got the correct answers. Does Sara know he’s very smart even though he gets board? If so, then have her seem unsurprised. The others could mention how surprised they are that Cole’s team won, and she could reply something like, “oh of course they did. Everyone underestimates Cole. He’s really smart— when he’s motivated.” And then he can josh her or roll his eyes, or smile. Whatever response fits.
flip side, she doesn’t know he’s super smart and she wonders how on earth he did it. Drawing attention to the fact either to a friend or in her mind that Cole never seems to be listening so how on earth did he do that?
either way, it tells the reader that you know what they’re thinking and either lets them know Cole is very smart, or makes them wait to discover it.
make sense?Great section!! I can’t wait for more!
Man is born for the fight, to be forged and molded into a sharper, finer, stronger image of God
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