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Cole Bauer
“I like good strong words that mean something!"
Just caught up with this, and it’s great!! Seriously, everything was really good, I love your style and I’m already so invested in this story, can’t wait to read more!!
“Our house is full of ducks!!!!”
Thank you soo much!! 🥰 I’m so glad people seem to like it already. The next chapter is where it starts to get interesting. I’ll maybe be posting that tomorrow, we’ll see.
“I like good strong words that mean something!"
Do you have thoughts on the blurb? Ellette mentioned she would prefer for it to share less about the overall plot. I wondered if other people agreed with that too.
“I like good strong words that mean something!"
Your welcome, looking forward to the next chapter!
Ellette mentioned she would prefer for it to share less about the overall plot. I wondered if other people agreed with that too.
I thought it was fine, although I think if you did remove parts about the main plot more than it would be more intriguing.
“Our house is full of ducks!!!!”
Okay…. I’ve been playing around a bit. You have a really strong style for the blurb. You’re hitting key intrigue rhythms and you’ve got enough catch words…. you just kinda give too much. (at least in my opinion.) Okay…. see how you feel about these.
Denver, 2053
Aspiring journalist Sara Bauer has synesthesia–a condition which, for her, gives words color and shape, texture and personality. She dreams of a career writing for DenNet, the local government-monitored news platform, as a powerful voice informing and spurring others to action. But the murky depression and lack of purpose she struggles with make her wonder if her words will ever matter.
When a classmate invites her to an underground meeting, she starts to wonder if this was what she’s been missing. But her twin brother, Cole, isn’t so sure that the meetings are worth the risk. A new law threatens to turn the opposition against such gatherings into persecution–and with their graduation approaching, one wrong move could jeopardize their entire future. Is the hope Sara’s found worth risking everything–even her dream?
Denver 2053
In a world where truth bends under the weight of surveillance, aspiring young journalist Sara Bauer finds herself engulfed in the vibrant chaos. Blessed—or perhaps cursed—with synesthesia, Sara translates the world around her into a stunning tapestry of colors, shapes, and textures, each nuance feeding her longing to evoke change through her writing. Yet amid the darkness of a society stifled by governmental control, Sara grapples with her fading sense of purpose, questioning whether her words can ever find significance.
When a classmate invites her to a clandestine gathering, Sara feels a flicker of hope ignite within her—a hope that this might offer her the clarity and purpose she desperately craves. But as her twin brother, Cole, warns of the dangers in a world where a perilous new law threatens to criminalize such beliefs, Sara faces an agonizing dilemma: Is the promise of hope worth the crushing weight of potential risk?
Denver 2053
Aspiring journalist Sara Bauer has synesthesia–a condition which, for her, gives words color and shape, texture and personality. She dreams of a career writing for DenNet, the local government-monitored news platform, as a powerful voice informing and spurring others to action. But the murky depression and lack of purpose she struggles with make her wonder if her words will ever matter.
When a classmate invites her to an underground meeting, everything changes. Sara begins to wonder if hope in the things of this world is right. Perhaps she has found the One in whom her hope will find a refuge. But her twin brother, Cole, isn’t so sure that the meetings are worth the risk. A new law threatens to turn the opposition against such belief into persecution–and with their graduation approaching, one wrong move could jeopardize their entire future. Is the hope Sara’s found worth risking everything–even her dream?
Okay. idk if you like any of these. I felt like they still get the point across without it being all there in front of you. You know? Like it’s there under the surface, but you’re going to have to earn the knowledge by reading the book. *shrug* if you don’t like them I won’t be offended in the least. Blurbs are sort of a pet peeve of mine, so I’m always super picky. If you keep yours it’ll be totally fine. Like I said, it’s well written, and while it does have a good deal of the plot in it, I think it still works.
A good rule I heard once was this: only clearly state things found in the first three chapters at the most. Hint at the rest.
Anyhow.
No half-heartedness and no worldly fear must turn us aside from following the light unflinchingly.
Hey! I recognize some of those Cole quotes! 😉
So glad you were able to find some you liked!
I really love these boards. You really have got skill with them.
No half-heartedness and no worldly fear must turn us aside from following the light unflinchingly.
Wow. *round of applause* You wrote all these? That’s insane.
I’m getting what you mean now, and I have a couple ideas. Your suggestions were super, super helpful. I’ll try to look at them later on my computer and adjust the main blurb.
One thing, though— I noticed that in most of your examples (the last one hints at it) you pointed to her faith more vaguely, more just saying she “finds hope”. Do you think that’s stronger than outright mentioning she becomes a Christian? It gives the reader more of a vague idea of the plot, and it might draw in more unbelievers… But it’s a major theme in the plot, so that’s why I tried to mention it. By chapter seven, it’s really obvious that the underground “meetings” are in fact church meetings. I don’t know, I was just interested to hear what your reasoning behind this was. I would also love to hear from some other people their opinions, so maybe I’ll write up a new version and have people vote.
“I like good strong words that mean something!"
Aw, thanks!! 😊 Yeah, I think maybe all of them came from you. Thanks for that, by the way! 😁
“I like good strong words that mean something!"
I think pointing a little more vaguely gives an intrigue. Reading those I would guess/really hope that these meetings are Christian, but if I was an unbeliever I might not. This makes it so that we can experience this hope that she has found along with her, instead of being told who/what she has placed her hope in.
For example, I had a book where the plot twist/driving point was the fact that this family discovered the word of God. They were in a communist country so that was of course banned. But on the back the only reference to that was 1.) all they have believed and known is a lie, and 2.) I made a reference about hoping in the One who holds their life… or something like that.
So yeah. You kind of discover it along with them. The whole time the reader sees they’re in a bad place and they need some sort of change, but no one, (including the reader) knows where that change will come from.
These are just my thoughts.
Glad the quotes were helpful!
No half-heartedness and no worldly fear must turn us aside from following the light unflinchingly.
Gotcha. That definitely makes sense. I’ll see what I can do!
“I like good strong words that mean something!"
Here’s an alternate version I just edited. I didn’t remove all hints, but I tried to make it less explicit–still not sure which version I’ll eventually go with, though.
When a classmate invites her to an underground church meeting, Sara starts to wonder if she’s been missing something all along–or Someone. But her twin brother, Cole, isn’t so sure that the meetings are worth the risk. A new law threatens to illegalize religious gatherings–and with their graduation approaching, one wrong move could jeopardize the twins’ entire future. Is the hope Sara’s only just found worth risking everything–even her dream?
“I like good strong words that mean something!"
That’s better!
No half-heartedness and no worldly fear must turn us aside from following the light unflinchingly.
Chapters 3 and 4 are out! I think I’m going to post these on a separate doc for now, and we’ll see how it goes. As of now, I’m also planning to post two chapters every week, maybe on Tuesdays. That way I’m not glued to my screen all the time waiting to hear y’all’s feedback, and it gives me some time to catch up on my supply of chapters. 😉
https://docs.google.com/document/d/1iTo1_yooHUC67Ve8ddKn2gCS0rK_fjpc0kh_NJu3Sig/edit?usp=sharing
“I like good strong words that mean something!"
YAHOOO!!!!!!
No half-heartedness and no worldly fear must turn us aside from following the light unflinchingly.
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