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@godlyfantasy12 @lightoverdarkness6 @whalekeeper @mineralizedwritings @loopylin @theloonyone @arien @starofthenorth @felicity @koshka @elishavet-pidyon @keilah-h @anyone_please!!
Hey, everybody!!
So, I wrote a short story for my grandparents for Christmas. It’s supposed to be cheesy. I need all the feedback and critique I can get, please!!! And I’m giving it to them on the 26th, so if your interested in reading/critiquing it, you have to do it by then. (Don’t feel obliged to read it in the first place)
It’s sort of like a mystery, but more of a romance. I want your honest opinion on it. Thank you all so much!!
Write what should not be forgotten. — Isabel Allende
Part 1
Brynn Laurier handed Grandma the steaming bowl of soup. “It’s hot,” she warned, setting it down in front of her. Grandma took a large sniff of the soup. “Smells good,” she said.
Brynn watched as Grandma took a spoonful of the soup. She tasted it for a moment. “Perfect,” she proclaimed. Brynn smiled. Finally, she had nailed Grandma’s soup recipe. It took her multiple tries and many hours in the kitchen, but now she had gotten it right. In the end though, it was all worth it. Grandma’s soup was the best.
“Good,” Brynn replied with a smile. “I’m glad.” She stood up and proceeded to clean up the kitchen. As she washed the dishes, she glanced out the window. More snowflakes softly floated to the already snow-covered ground. Her eyes lit up like a little girl on Christmas morning. She quickly dried the dishes and ran to the front door, putting on her coat, scarf, and boots. “It’s snowing!” She said aloud to no one in particular.
Grandma smiled. “Aren’t you a little old to be playing in the snow?”
Brynn just grinned. “Never.” She ran outside and stuck out her tongue, catching the snowflakes. She spun around with her arms spread wide. Giggling at herself, she pulled her scarf tighter around her neck to protect against the biting wind.
As she paused for a moment, Xavier Ryesdale walked past on the sidewalk with his German shepherd Kaiser. He waved slightly and smiled. She smiled as well and waved back. Xavier lived in her neighborhood and had gone to the same college as her. After two years, he went on to study to be a detective. Last thing she knew, he was part of the police force.
She and Xavier considered each other friends since they had known each other for a while.
She saw Kaiser stop for a moment and wag his tail at the sight of Brynn. She ran up to him and crouched down, scratching behind his ears. Xavier chuckled at the two of them as Brynn let Kaiser lick her face. His tail wagged even more furiously as she rubbed his side. She stood up before Kaiser got too excited and said to Xavier, “He’s adorable.”
“Just like his owner,” Xavier boasted.
Brynn raised an eyebrow and shook her head. “Not quite.” Though in all honesty, she couldn’t deny it. “How’s work?” She asked.
“Fine, I suppose. Still waiting for a case.”
“You’ll get one soon enough, I’m sure.”
“I guess you’re right,” he said. “What about you?”
“Great!” She replied. “I get off this week, so Grandma’s glad about that.”
“Oh yeah,” Xavier said. “How is your grandma? I heard she went to the hospital last week.”
Brynn rolled her eyes. “She was fine. She just wanted to see the doctor. Still trying to get married and trying to get me married,” Brynn sighed. “I love her.”
Xavier laughed. He quickly pulled on Kaiser’s leash and clicked his tongue. “Come on boy. Let’s go,” He turned to Brynn. “We need to get home now. I’ll see ya around.”
Brynn nodded and went back to her yard. As she walked back inside and unbundled herself, Grandma asked, “Who’s that boy out there you were talking too?”
“Xavier,” Brynn replied hesitantly. She knew where this was going.
“And has he ever asked you out, dear?”
“No, Grandma,” Brynn answered, hanging up her scarf and joining Grandma on the sofa.
Grandma opened her mouth as if surprised. “He should have by now. What boy wouldn’t want to marry a young pretty girl like you? You two look so cute together.”
Brynn smiled. “We’re not even super close friends.”
“Don’t you lie. I’ve seen you with him before,” Grandma’s eyes lit up. “We should invite him over for dinner. Now what’s his last name?”
“Ryesdale but—”
Grandma was no longer listening. She picked up the phone and dialed a number. “Operator?” she asked. Brynn rolled her eyes and leaned back on the couch as Grandma contacted Xavier. Oh brother.
“Hello. Is this Xavier?” Grandma said. “This is Mrs. Kirklyn. I’m Brynn Laurier’s grandmother. I was wondering if you’d like to come over for dinner tonight.”
Brynn closed her eyes and shook her head. There was a pause, then, “Just wonderful. You know the address, right? Alrighty then. We’ll see you at six.” Grandma put down the phone and sat by Brynn again. “There we are. He’ll be here at six.”
Brynn forced a smile. “Okay,” she nodded slowly.
Grandma smacked her on the knee. “I know you’re not that happy about it, but I’m sure you will be by the time he gets here. He’s a very nice looking boy. Now come help me with dinner.”
Grandma got up off the couch and started towards the kitchen, mumbling to herself, “I wonder if he has a grandfather…” Brynn rolled her eyes again and reluctantly joined Grandma in the kitchen.
That evening, dinner was set out on the table and both Grandma and Brynn were ready for Xavier. Soon, there was a knock at the door. Grandma motioned towards the door with her head. Brynn opened it with a smile. “Hey, Xavier! It was nice of you to come.”
Xavier grinned. “I can’t turn down a free dinner. A bachelor’s got to do what he has to, to survive.”
Brynn opened the door wider and led him in. He walked in and Grandma offered a smile. “Welcome, Xavier!” She said. They all got settled at the table and Grandma thoroughly enjoyed playing the part of hostess.
As they dug into their hot meal, she said, “Xavier, I think you and Brynn should go out. She’s a very pretty girl, you know.”
Brynn tried to make eye contact with Grandma, but she kept avoiding her gaze. Xavier smiled, “Oh yes. I know.”
Brynn blushed and took another bite of her food, not looking up. Grandma continued, “I’ve been trying to get Brynnie married as soon as she came to live with me,” she leaned in closer and lowered her voice. “She doesn’t like me doing it, but I do it anyway. I really want great-grandchildren.” Grandma laughed as Xavier smiled and softly chuckled.
“Grandma!” Brynn scolded. Grandma smiled and shrugged slightly. Brynn cast Xavier a sympathetic look. He grinned.
To Brynn’s relief, the rest of the night went without issue. As she led Xavier to the door, Grandma prepared some food to let him take home. Brynn shook her head, “Sorry about Grandma, Xavier. She just says whatever comes to mind.”
Xavier shrugged. “It’s all good. She’s fun and…” He pursed his lips, looking for the right word to say.
“Feisty?” Brynn finished for him.
They laughed as Grandma walked into the room. She came up to Xavier with a container full of food. “Here you are, dear.”
Xavier’s eyes grew wide. “Thank you. I don’t think I need this much, but thank you anyway.”
Grandma grinned. “I know how you boys like to eat,” she winked. “Thank you for coming over.”
“Thank you,” Xavier said, walking out the door. “I’ll see you around, Brynn.”
Brynn nodded and gently shut the door. She turned around to face Grandma. “Grandma, you might’ve scared him away.”
Grandma turned around and readjusted an ornament on the Christmas tree. “Oh, I don’t think so. I think he likes you more than you realize. He’ll be back soon.”
Brynn rolled her eyes. She glanced at the clock on the wall and read the time. “I’m feeling kinda tired. I think I’ll go to bed.” She walked to Grandma, wrapping her in a hug and pecking her cheek with a kiss. “Good night, Grandma. I love you.”
“Love you too, Brynnie,” Grandma replied.
Brynn yawned and walked to her room. “I’ll see you in the morning.”
Unlike she normally did, Grandma didn’t respond. Brynn thought it was odd, but shrugged it off. No need to worry.
Brynn woke up as the sun peeked in through the blinds. She stretched and hopped out of her bed. The clock read nine o’clock. She got ready for the day and left her room. “Good morning, Grandma!” She called out. No one responded. Odd. Grandma was normally up before her.
Brynn checked the kitchen. Empty. “Grandma?” She said, as she peeked in her room. The bed was neatly made, but Grandma wasn’t there either. Brynn’s heart started pounding. She quickly ran to the phone and dialed a number. It was the number to Grandma’s favorite coffee shop. Sure, there was no way she could get there since the doctor said she couldn’t drive, but at least Brynn would check.
A woman answered and Brynn asked her if Grandma had come by. The woman said no. Next, Brynn called all the other places she could be, but no one had seen her. Brynn bit her lip. Where had she gone? With no choice left, she called the police and explained her situation. They said they would send a few officersover to check it out immediately.
Brynn sat down on the couch, anxiously waiting for the police to arrive. Then the doorbell rang.
Part 2
Xavier lazily slipped on his sweatshirt. He grabbed the TV remote and settled himself on the couch. His phone buzzed beside him. He picked it up, not bothering to look at the number of the caller.
“Detective Rysedale,” Sergeant Millard’s voice snapped over the phone. Xavier sat up straighter.
“Yessir?”
“You’re needed on a case. Get into your uniform. We’ll pick you up in ten minutes.”
“Yes sir.”
Xavier hopped up off the couch and ran to his closet. He quickly changed into a suit and put his firearm inside his coat. He tossed Kaiser a treat and rushed to the elevator of his apartment. As soon as he reached the outside of the apartment building, the cop car pulled up to the curb.
Xavier slowed down his pace and slid into the car next to two other detectives. In the passenger seat, Sergeant Millard turned around and spoke to Xavier. He explained the case: a young woman by the name of Brynn Laurier called and said that her Grandma had gone missing. Xaiver’s eyes grew wide. “I know her,” he said quietly.
When they arrived at the house, the other officers followed Sergeant Millard to the front door. He rang the doorbell. The door opened almost immediately, revealing Brynn’s worried face. She relaxed a bit at the sight of them. “Please come in.”
The sergeant nodded and removed his hat. As Xavier walked by Brynn, he offered a small smile. She smiled back. Sergeant Millard took a look around the room and pulled out a pad of paper, as did the others. “So the last time you saw her was last night?”
“Yes.”
“What was the last thing she did before going to bed?”
Brynn furrowed her brow. “I-I… I actually don’t know. I went to bed before her, a little before nine. Which is normal. I don’t typically have to make sure she’s in her bedroom.”
The sergeant nodded, scribbling on his paper. “Does Mrs. Kirklyn drive often?”
Brynn shook her head. “No. The doctor said she’s not allowed to. I checked and the car and the keys are still here. The door was locked too.”
Xavier pressed his lips together. “Do you have security cameras?”
“Only one. It views the porch and the driveway. I didn’t think to check the footage. I can show you.”
Sergeant Millard nodded again. “That would be great.”
Brynn pulled out her phone and turned on the TV. With the clicks of a few buttons, she cast the footage from the camera onto the TV screen. She fast forwarded. Nothing was shown. Xavier stood watching the TV intently with his arms crossed. “Wait, stop,” he called out. “I saw something. Skip back a bit.”
Brynn did so and slowed down the speed. Heard on the camera was a hearty laugh. Following, was Mrs. Kirklyn’s laugh. Brynn gasped as she saw the next few seconds of footage. The front door opened and out walked Mrs. Kirklyn. She acted as if she was being escorted by someone out the door, but no one else was seen. “Oh, Mr. Kringle,” she said. “You are too funny!”
Brynn placed her hands over her mouth in shock. Mrs. Kirklyn looked up at the security camera and winked. She walked out of sight of the camera. Brynn let the rest of the footage play and rose from her seat on the couch. “I don’t understand,” she mumbled.
The sergeant sighed, slowly asking, “Has Mrs. Kirklyn had any medical history concerning mental illness?”
Brynn slowly shook her head. Xavier could see the worry etched in her face. Sergeant Millard said, “We’ll begin our search of the house.”
Brynn nodded. She gently sat on the couch. She rested her elbows on her knees and stared out into space, pressing her knuckles against her mouth. Xavier bit his lip, wanting to say something, but he followed orders and began the investigation. The sergeant told him to check Mrs. Kirklyn’s room first.
Something on the dresser caught his eye. He walked over and snatched the piece of paper. It read:
Brynn,
I’ve gone to spend the rest of the week with Mr. Kringle, or as you would know him,
Santa Claus. I’ll be home very early Christmas morning. Don’t wait up for me, and
please don’t worry either. Mr. Kringle is a very nice man and will keep me safe. I’ll
see you on Christmas!
Love,
Grandma XOXO
“Sergeant!” Xavier called out. “You’ll want to see this.” He handed it to him. Sergeant Millard quickly read it over. Brynn appeared in the doorway. The sergeant let her read it, “Is this her handwriting?”
She bit her lip as she read. Xavier sighed. He didn’t like to see her so worried. She slowly handed it back to the sergeant. “Yes, I’m afraid it is.”
The sergeant peeked his head out the door. “Detective Johansson!” Sergeant Millard handed the officer the paper. “Put this in a bag. We’re taking it to the station.”
Johansson nodded and proceeded to do so. The detectives continued their search around the house. They took a piece of her clothing so their dogs could search for her and they took a fingerprint sample from the mantel.
Xavier and the rest of the group piled into the car again and drove back to the station. The fingerprints were given to the forensic scientists to scan. As they waited, the sergeant called Xavier to his office. “Ryesdale,” the sergeant began. “You know Miss Laurier and Mrs. Kirklyn, right?”
Xavier nodded, “Yes sir.”
“Well,” he folded his hands. “I want you to take charge of this case. I have many other things I’m working on right now. I trust you. You’re head detective on this one.”
Xavier nodded. He couldn’t deny that he was a little excited. The sergeant stood up, “Dismissed.”
Xavier stood and made his way to the lab with his head held a little higher. “What are the readings on the fingerprints?” He asked the forensic scientist.
The man sighed. “Very odd. Look at the pattern.”
On the screen was a close-up of the fingerprint. And the pattern was a candy cane. Xavier cocked his head. “A candy cane?” His eyes grew wide.
“Yes, sir. And the only matches we found were with cases that were all similar. The cases all involved these fingerprints and were reported on Christmas Eve or Christmas Day. Every single one of those cases were inconclusive. The man or woman was never found. Plus, every time, nothing was stolen.”
Xavier shoved his hands into his pockets. There was only one explanation… and it didn’t even make sense. He grabbed a printed copy of the fingerprints and quickly left the station, driving over to Brynn’s house. Brynn opened the door as soon as he knocked. “Oh, hi,” she said with a small smile.
Xavier smiled. “Hey… can I come in?”
She nodded. He walked into the house and sighed. After a moment of awkward silence he finally said, “Brynn… would you believe me if I told you that Santa kidnapped your Grandma?”
Brynn forced a laugh. “No way. Listen, I want answers. Stop kidding me.”
Xavier looked her in the eye. “I’m not kidding.”
Her face fell and she stood still for a moment. “You can’t be serious. That’s impossible!” She started pacing the room. “Santa’s not real! But Grandma’s not crazy either…”
Xavier sighed again. He rubbed the back of his neck. “I don’t really believe it either. But look at this.” He gave her the paper that showed the fingerprints.
Brynn furrowed her brow as she looked it over. “A candy cane?”
“That’s what I said.”
“What if someone just has a unique fingerprint?” Brynn asked.
Xavier pressed his lips together. “Look, I don’t get it either, but I think you should believe your grandma. Has she ever lied to you?”
Brynn shook her head. “But what if the sergeant had a point? What if Grandma actually does have a mental illness?”
“It could be a possibility, but he put me in charge of this case. So listen, some officers will be out searching for her, but I’m going to be at your house Christmas Eve. I want to wait for her and see if she and ‘Mr. Kringle’ show up.”
Brynn’s jaw dropped. “Xavier! You know Santa doesn’t exist.”
Xavier took a few steps closer. “But what if—”
“There is no ‘what if,’” she replied, holding up a hand. “I don’t want to hear it.”
She turned on her heel to walk away, but Xavier reached out and grabbed her wrist. She tensed up and whipped around. He gently let go. “Brynn. Trust your Grandma on this… trust me… okay?”
She slowly took a deep breath. Then nodded. “All right. But I hope you’re not wrong.”
Xavier smirked. “I’m never wrong.”
Part 3
Brynn fidgeted with a tassel on her purse. Xavier had asked her out to dinner to get her mind off the situation with Grandma. Soon, there was a knock on the door and there stood Xavier. “You look beautiful,” he said softly.
She blushed and started towards his car. “You as well,” she replied with a smile. He raised an eyebrow and opened the car door for her. He climbed in and started down the road. Brynn sat in silence, looking out her window. Her mind wandered to wondering where Grandma might be. If Xavier was right, then Grandma was in the North Pole. But that still seemed impossible. There was no way.
After arriving at the restaurant, Xavier escorted Brynn inside. They were soon seated at the table and viewing their menus. The waiter came and promptly took their orders. As they sat at the table, Brynn’s eyes lit up.“It’s snowing!”
Xavier chuckled, following her gaze out the window. “Do you always get that excited when it snows?”
“Of course!” Brynn said with a smile. She raised an eyebrow. “Don’t you?”
“Not really.”
Brynn chuckled as well. “Grandma always loved snow…”
“She still does,” Xavier said. “And she’ll come back to see it! Now, I brought you here to take your mind off of that. So let’s discuss something else.”
Brynn nodded. Right. “I’m excited for Christmas,” she said, attempting to change the subject.
“Me too,” Xavier replied. “I have no one to spend it with except Kaiser…” He looked down, acting sad and trying to catch Brynn’s eye.
She smiled. “I bet Grandma would love to have you spend Christmas with us.”
“Really?” He said, acting surprised.
“Yes,” she replied. “You could’ve just asked, you know.”
Xavier grinned. “But it’s not fun that way. You see, if I asked, you’re too nice to say no. I wanted to make sure you actually wanted me there; so instead I made you invite me.”
Brynn gave him a confused look and shook her head. “I think that took too much thought on your end.”
He shrugged. “It was worth it though. Now I get a free meal without even asking.”
She rolled her eyes at him. Oh brother. Their food soon arrived and they enjoyed their hot meal. After eating, they seated themselves by the fireplace at the back of the restaurant. No one else was near them.
They sat in silence, only occasionally speaking. A waiter walked up to them announcing that the restaurant would be closing in an hour. Brynn sighed, standing up. “I suppose we should be going.”
Xavier grabbed her hand, looking into her brown eyes. “But the weather outside is frightful, and the fire is so delightful.”
Brynn smiled, staring down at him. The flames reflected in his sparkling blue eyes. “Let it snow,” she said, sitting down and scooting closer to him. Not letting go of his hand, she slid her fingers through his. She rested her head on his shoulder and became mesmerized by the flames in the fireplace.
Brynn sighed silently. Maybe Grandma was right about Xavier… but thinking about Grandma made her worry again. She pushed the thought out of her head. After all, Xavier had told her to not think about it. Grandma was fine. Maybe she was with Santa Claus at the North Pole…
As Xavier drove Brynn home, she couldn’t help but smile a little bit. He escorted her to the porch. She paused at the door and didn’t open it. “Thank you for a wonderful night,” she said. “We’ll have to do it again.”
Xavier ran a hand through his hair. “Definitely.”
Brynn smiled softly. “I’ll see you Christmas Eve.”
He nodded. “You too.”
Brynn walked inside and, through her window, watched him drive away. She grinned and twirled around the room. “Thank you, Grandma,” she whispered to the empty room. She placed her scarf and coat in the closet and changed into her comfy gingerbread pajamas.
An hour later, she lay in her bed, thinking about her Grandma. But it will be fine, she reassured herself. I’ll see her on Christmas Eve.
~~~~~~~~
The evening of Christmas Eve, the police patrolled Brynn’s house. She nervously twirled her hair, while Xavier positioned the officers. He noticed her and came over. “She’ll be here.”
“I hope so… I-I mean, I know,” she replied. “I just hope she’s okay.”
Xavier smiled. “You’ve got to stop worrying so much. Don’t you trust your Grandma?”
“Yeah,” Brynn nodded and took a deep breath. “I don’t know where I’d be without you.”
“Probably not with me in your living room and police patrolling your house.” He chuckled.
She grinned. The hours passed and the night grew ever darker. It was one in the morning and still, Grandma hadn’t shown up. “What if she doesn’t show up?” Brynn asked Xavier.
“You have to give her a chance, Brynn,” Xavier assured her. “After all, if Mr. Kringle’s bringing her back, then he had to first deliver all his presents.”
She rolled her eyes. “No, really. What if she doesn’t show up?”
Xavier’s face grew serious. “Then we’ll keep searching for her.”
Brynn nodded. Suddenly, a soft thump on the roof made her jump. She glanced up, and back at Xavier. He had his hand on his pistol and the police were just around the corner, ready to jump out at a moment’s notice.
There were a few jingles and reindeer snorted. Brynn’s eyes grew wide. She and Xavier quickly hid behind the sofa, which was positioned in front of the fireplace. They heard Grandma’s laugh followed by the same hearty laugh heard on the security camera footage.
The voices grew louder. It sounded as if they were coming from the chimney. “You’re just flirting with me!” Grandma said.
“Oh, but what I said is true!” A deep voice replied. Brynn’s heart started beating faster. She slowly peeked over the edge of the sofa. A pair of black boots floated down with the chimney, along with Grandma’s heels.
Brynn placed a hand over her mouth to keep from saying anything. As soon as Grandma and the man landed, they climbed out of the fireplace. All of a sudden the lights flicked on and the officers jumped out, pointing their guns at the man dressed as Santa Claus. “Hands in the air!” One yelled.
Xavier and Brynn came out from behind the couch. Grandma’s jaw dropped as she slowly raised her hands. “Brynnie, I told you not to wait up for me,” she smiled. “Now I’m embarrassed.” She took a look around. “And what are all these crazy policemen doing here?”
Xavier took a glance at Brynn. She nodded. Xavier motioned for the officers to back down. They did so. Brynn came closer, her mouth opening with every step. There in front of her stood the Santa Claus.
“A… are you real?” She slowly asked.
Santa laughed another rumbling, jolly laugh, placing his raised hands on his large belly. “As real as you are.” He held out his arm. Brynn gently touched it. Xavier appeared by her and did the same.
Brynn shook her head and chuckled. “I don’t believe it…”
“Oh but you do,” Santa replied, holding up a finger. “If you didn’t, you wouldn’t see me.” He smiled mischievously. Just like the poem Brynn had grown up reading, Santa had a large belly and rosy cheeks. He even smelled like Christmas.
Xavier cleared his throat. “Please excuse the officers. We just wanted to make sure that Mrs. Kirklyn was safe.”
He turned to Grandma and placed an arm around her, looking into her eyes. “Josephine was just fine with me. Didn’t she tell you where she had gone?”
Brynn nodded. “We just…”
Grandma shook her head. “You didn’t believe me did you. I tell you… young people these days.” She headed towards the kitchen. “How about I get us all some hot chocolate?”
Brynn took a deep breath and began to pace the room. “Santa’s real… Santa’s real…” she kept mumbling over and over to herself. “And Grandma’s going out with him…”
Xavier chuckled and placed himself in front of her, causing her to run into him. “So…” he said. “Was I right?”
“I never really said you were wrong…” she replied, turning on her heel and walking the opposite direction. She grinned as Xavier threw out his hands.
“You sure implied it,” he said, getting in front of her again. She giggled as Grandma entered the room.
“The milk is warming up,” she announced. Both Brynn and Xavier turned her way. With a small sparkle, a mistletoe appeared above the entrance to the living room.
She blushed as she caught Santa’s eye. He raised an eyebrow and gathered her into his arms. Brynn and Xavier looked at each other with their eyebrows raised and simultaneously faced the opposite direction, laughing at each other.
But above their heads appeared a mistletoe. Brynn glanced at Santa who winked at her. Xavier took a step closer to Brynn. “You know,” he said. “I think I like that guy.”
She rested her arms around his neck. “Oh really?”
He didn’t answer, but instead leaned in closer, looking into her deep brown eyes. Their faces got close until they were only a few inches apart. He gently cupped her face in his hands. “Merry Christmas, Brynn.”
Part 4
Xavier awoke from a deep sleep. He yawned as the sunlight slipped in through the blinds and displayed itself on the floor. A smile stretched across his face as he sat up and realized that last night wasn’t a dream. No way it wasn’t.
He got dressed and glanced at the clock that read eleven o’ clock. He drove to Brynn’s house as snow began to fall gently to the ground. He had a feeling that this would be one of the best Christmases ever.
Brynn opened the door, letting Xavier in. Grandma called out from the kitchen, “Hello, Xavier!”
“Hey, Mrs. Kirklyn!” Xavier replied. Grandma shuffled over and wrapped him in a hug.
“Oh… you can call me Grandma,” she said.
“Or,” Brynn said. “Should we just call you Mrs. Claus?”
Grandma smacked her in the shoulder. Brynn chuckled, “I saw the way you and Santa looked at each other.”
Grandma shook her head as she pulled out the ham from the oven.
The threesome thoroughly enjoyed their Christmas dinner that afternoon. As they sat by the fire and sang Christmas carols, Xavier placed his arm around Brynn. She looked into his eyes and smiled. “Merry Christmas, Xavier.”
Write what should not be forgotten. — Isabel Allende
Any title ideas are appreciated!!
Write what should not be forgotten. — Isabel Allende
Wow That was hilarious! I love it! I really felt the characters, even with it being a short story. And although cheesy, the romance was super cute!!
You could call it, “A Christmas dream”, but that’s a bit generic.
As far as writing goes, there isn’t really much I would change. If this were an actual story, I would say they should get to know each other a lot better before kissing, but it’s a humerus short story, so maybe it’s ok to bend the rules a bit. I wouldn’t, but it’s personal preference.
I laughed a couple times reading that 😂 When he says, “But the fire is so delightful” lol the cringeist but most hilarious thing he possibly could have said.
That was a really good read!
"And so I left this world just as I had entered it. Confused."
Thanks so much for the feedback!! I’m really glad you enjoyed it!!
Yeah… I was a little on the fence about the kissing part, but I went with it anyway bc 1). I didn’t go into detail. 2). It’s supposed to be a bit Hallmark-y, if you know what I mean. 😅
I’m glad it made you laugh. After all, that was the point! 😁 Thanks for reading!!
Write what should not be forgotten. — Isabel Allende
That was like a Hallmark movie, only even better! XD (and yeah, the kissing was definitely…on a line)
The candy cane fingerprint was probably the funniest thing for me.
First Grand Historian of Arreth and the Lesser Realms (aka Kitty)
Fork the GorkAwesome!!
The candy cane fingerprint!! I wrote it and I was like, “What in the world?!” And then I was like, “Let’s just go with it!”
XD
Write what should not be forgotten. — Isabel Allende
XD Wow. XD
That was so cringey but hilariously cute at the same time.
Santa Claus?! XD
*Wipes tears of laughter from eyes*
I’m really not sure how to critique it. The prose is a little choppy, but the story itself is distracting me. XD
Candy cane fingerprints!? XD A magically appearing mistletoe? (That particular bit was pure Hallmark cringe, I don’t know how else to describe it. Lol!)
Anyway….
Title ideas could be (staying with the purposefully cheesy style):
A Christmas Kidnapping
Winter Flurries and Candycanes
A Couple for Christmas
The Christmas Grandma Disappeared is pretty good too, everything considered.
By the way, Kaiser is a perfect name for a German shepherd.
You have listened to fears, child. Come, let me breathe on you... Are you brave again? -Aslan
That was adorable! And so funny 🤣🤣 When the candy cane fingerprint showed up, I was just like . . . seriously?!?! But it’s great. Cheesy, yeah, but that’s what you were going for. I hope your grandparents enjoy it!
I can’t think of any titles right now but I’ll let you know if I do!
Be brave. Be strong. Be bold.
-Christopher BlakewellThat was really hilarious!! Good job on this cheesy Christmas romance story!! 😂😂
I’m sure your grandparents will love it!
He must increase, but I must decrease.
That was great!! I was not expecting Mr. Kringle to actually be Santa . . . it was wonderful.
I actually liked how you implied that they kissed but didn’t actually say so. I honestly think that’s cuter and more romantic than saying “he kissed her and she loved it and she kissed him back blah blah blah.” lol 🤣😁😘
Dark is the Shadow, and yet my heart rejoices.
Great job!! That was such a cute story!!! My favorite part was the candy cane finger prints 🤣! Or maybe when he said “But the weather outside is frightful and the fire is so delightful.” XDXD
I know your grandparents will love it so much!!!
#HugRikerSquad
@esther-c
Oh my goodness!!!!!
Your story made me feel all warm and cozy inside. XD XDIt’s super sweet. I can totally understand Brynn’s love of snow….it’s the same with me! It’s literally snowing here right now….super big flakes…I’m going to look out the window and see if a nice guy is walking down the street with his dog. 😍🤣
Elen síla lúmenn' omentielvo
Thanks for the title suggestions!
Awesome!! Thanks for reading!
I’m sure your grandparents will love it!
Thx!! I really hope they do!!
I actually liked how you implied that they kissed but didn’t actually say so. I honestly think that’s cuter and more romantic than saying “he kissed her and she loved it and she kissed him back blah blah blah.” lol 🤣😁😘
Yeah! I wasn’t quite sure how to do it in the first place, cuz I didn’t want to go into detail, and I’m glad it worked out!!
I’m so glad you enjoyed it!!
Glad that you really liked it!!
We’re about to get snow here!
I’m going to look out the window and see if a nice guy is walking down the street with his dog. 😍🤣
Lol! 😂
Write what should not be forgotten. — Isabel Allende
I’m so glad you enjoyed it!!
Yes!! 😊❤️
It’s super sweet. I can totally understand Brynn’s love of snow….it’s the same with me! It’s literally snowing here right now….super big flakes…I’m going to look out the window and see if a nice guy is walking down the street with his dog. 😍🤣
XDXD!! That’s hilarious.
Can you post a picture of the snow? It’s fine if you don’t want to. We’re almost getting snow, but the days it’s cold enough it isn’t going to rain 😭. We live in the South. It’s always hot here!
#HugRikerSquad
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