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or example, in the series I’m reading, seven books have passed and the heroine has finally realized her crush likes her back. The hints were agonizingly obvious. He was giving you gifts, girl. He initiated a unique telepathic connection with you. His friends have openly joked about your feelings for each other.
Keeper of the Lost Cities?
🎵For our blessed lady's sake, bring us in good ale!🎵
I’m also tired of the “oh no it’s cold we’d better snuggle together for warmth” trope. Dress for the weather!
🎵For our blessed lady's sake, bring us in good ale!🎵
Let me guess…KotLC? 👀
Keeper of the Lost Cities?
…You caught me. XD Yes, KotLC. I am on book eight, and very happy to see Sophie and Fitz at least partially together now. I know it isn’t going to last very long because the story is going to switch favor to Keefe, but I got a break from the romance plot and it felt like such a relief. That tells you how done I am with the obliviousness.
The girl is a dork with a dysfunctional family life who desperately wants to fit in at school, and then she meets the cool boy who is actually faking it and is secretly a dork with a dysfunctional family life, and then they bond over secret dorky hobbies, and also the girl is supposed to be plain, but every time she’s described she is actually gorgeous. WHY.
This is very specific and accurate.
#ProtectAdolinKholin
Bearded men are hot. Why don’t heroes ever have beards?
I know right? Not that I’m that into bearded men, but sometimes a male character would look even better if he had a beard.
For me, I realize I have a thing for rugged guy characters. Charries with lines on their faces from obvious work and survival
–you probably are like “I know who she’s thinking of” and you’d be right but there are others too–are cooler than most (key word: most, there are exceptions) guys who look like teenagers even though they’re not.I don’t know why, actually. Maybe it’s just the “look at me, I spend all my time outside and my face reflects that” kinda thing is appealing to me in a character for some reason.
"When in doubt, eat cheese crackers."-me to my charries who don't even know about cheese crackers
@whalekeeper @esther-c @theducktator
oooh more kotlc people
I was crazy into it when I was 12-13. Not as much now, but it’s still a series I come back to. Some parts of the plot, worldbuilding, and characters aren’t that solid, but I greatly enjoy it still.
A lot of the creatures have some imaginative concepts while still keeping what made them, them (think her pet imp, or the gremlin Sprocket, or Verdi the feathered dinosaur, or the gnomes and their tree features). That’s my favorite part about it. Mole dwarves and axolotl marsupial trolls are cool.
"When in doubt, eat cheese crackers."-me to my charries who don't even know about cheese crackers
Yep! I definitely like the fantasy creatures best, especially Elwin’s pet (I forget what it’s called). And the Trolls, with their cool backwards aging.
The plot is kind of nonexistent and I’m always screaming at the book, but I’ve learned to enjoy the drama. I actually tend to read a few chapters every week, rather than finishing it off, because I can only handle a spoonful at a time. XD
#ProtectAdolinKholin
I used to be obsessed with it, and I still think books 1-6 were good, but after that it’s just too much drama. I don’t think the author knows what she’s doing anymore with regards to plot, and she’s just dragging it on. I have to give her credit for her characters and dialogue though. I may be frustrated, but at least I’m not bored.
🎵For our blessed lady's sake, bring us in good ale!🎵
So where do you draw the line on this one? Obviously there are some lines that should not be crossed before marriage, but could you possibly elaborate on this more?
Well, this is slightly tricky because I don’t date and don’t believe in dating at all. BUT, that is a side point. You’re characters are dating, so lets see. My standards on this are higher then most, so I won’t give you exactly what I would do, but a general idea that you could work with.
I don’t think hand holding is bad. (I prefer after the engagement, but its not terrible before). Hugs…. well those are tricking things. It could be a long, passionate embrace, or it could be a quick side hug. I won’t be hugging a guy passionately until I’m married to him. I’ll only be giving him quick side hugs after the engagement. But if you want to do that before, I say side hugs… and if you do a forward hug then do it quickly. I won’t go into detail, but there is something about a hug facing each other that triggers certain hormones that then get excited and want to feed off of more of that physical touch.
This would be what not to do in my opinion.
Keep their hands OUT of each other’s hair.
No laying on the ground or floor close beside one another.
Don’t have her sitting in his lap.
No kisses. Not to the cheek, forehead, hand….. just keep it out. It leads to a world of temptation.
Don’t have them walk glued to one another with their arms about each other
No tickling
No petting, stroking, etc.
No romantic dances. It’s just too close and the setting and tone are too open for mistakes they will regret. Save that for the wedding!
Honestly, the less physical contact, the healthier a relationship will be. Honestly, try to make it a it a “hands-free” relationship. And by that i mean, “keep your hands to yourself.” 😜.
A physical relationship is really easy to develop because the moment your fingers touch another human being, that sends signals to the brain, and when there’s romantic attraction those signals dump romantic hormones. So yeah, very easy to have a physical relationship. It’s a lot harder to have a non-physical one. No hugging except for a quick side-hug. No sitting on his lap, no cuddling, no arms around one another, no kissing, no petting, no hands in one another’s hair, etc. etc. Save it! Save it! SAVE IT! Just think how exciting that will be if on their wedding day it was their first kiss AND first embrace? And then after that you can let go of all restraints physically. They can hold hands, They can put arms around one another, etc. and they can do so with all purity and good conscience. If he’s the man she’s going to marry, what harm will it do to have some patience and wait? And if he’s not, then she just gave those moments to him instead of her husband!
Plus, think of the story potential in this! What a climatic build up! Get the reader on your side with this! For example, I got to watch a beautiful relationship between two friends I’ve known since childhood. We all knew they had set parameters like this. The farther into the relationship it was really easy to see that it was hard. He would reach out to loop an arm around her waist and then pull back. She would go to lean her head against him and then stop. It was super tough, but they prayed, we as their friends prayed with and for them, and we encouraged them and cheered them on. Then the wedding day came. She walked down the aisle, he cried beautifully, they said their vows, exchanged rings….. and then the moment. He lifted her veil, put his arms around her for the first time, and dipped her into a beautiful kiss. I can tell you right now, you could have heard us miles away! Every guy was on his feet whooping and waving his cowboy hat, all the girls were crying and cheering, and the adults were laughing and cheering them on. They kissed several times, and then he hugged her and spun her around. After that, you couldn’t have separated the two of them. She was on his arm the entire night! lol.
I have probably just murdered all the normal romantic tropes. However……… do you really want to write “one of those romances” or would you like your book to stand out? I’m not saying this is the only way to make it stand out, but what a cool way to do so. Let the reader know their parameters, let them see how hard it is, let them be on the edge of their seat wondering if they can do it, cheering them on, and then that glorious climax. What an interesting way to write a romance. I’ve only read a few that have ever done this, and I can tell you it was such a cool change and you really do get into it!
However, if you do this, watch out that they aren’t miserable because of it! My friends had their hard moments, but it only built the anticipation for the climax! They were the happiest people, and they just CAME ALIVE around one another! They were able to talk about so many things and they had many conversations that saved them misunderstandings or shocks in their married life. They should be happy because joy doesn’t come from the physical. It never does. The physical gives pleasure, but that’s not where the joy and love comes from. I find many romances can be very shallow, and I think it’s because they are finding the joy and love in the physical. What happens when he in injured at work and is paralyzed, making him unable to feel her touch? What happens when she grows old and is no longer a turn-your-head-teenager? There has to be more.
So yeah, I could go on and on…… but I’ll stop here. 😉
Man is born for the fight, to be forged and molded into a sharper, finer, stronger image of God
@theducktator haha I get that. the plot is really on a book-to-book basis.
@whalekeeper Elwin’s pet is called a banshee! I don’t remember his name but he’s pretty cool."When in doubt, eat cheese crackers."-me to my charries who don't even know about cheese crackers
Ha, now I remember. I want a banshee, that would be cool.
Well, this is slightly tricky because I don’t date and don’t believe in dating at all. BUT, that is a side point. You’re characters are dating, so lets see. My standards on this are higher then most, so I won’t give you exactly what I would do, but a general idea that you could work with.
Now I’m curious. I know people have different ways of doing things, especially in their churches. What is the difference between dating and courtship for you, and why do you not like dating? Also are these rules generally the case in your church, with deviations being discouraged?
#ProtectAdolinKholin
@whalekeeper yeah he’d certainly be useful.
Plus it’s not all that different from a ferret so people won’t be super weirded out.
"When in doubt, eat cheese crackers."-me to my charries who don't even know about cheese crackers
Yeah, I can just carry him in my backpack and no human would question it. XD
#ProtectAdolinKholin
Oh boy.
*Let’s out a long breath.*
Here we go.
To start, there are no rules in our church one way or the other. There are a few people in the church who date, but they do so outside the church because the majority of the people believe in Courtship, so there’s no one to date in the church. lol.
Basically, marriage is a sacred, beautiful, and important thing. God created me for ONE man, and he created ONE man for me. The casual dating does nothing to set someone up for that life. It only sets people up for divorce. If you have been trying different people out all your grown up life, then why stop after you’ve been married? Stats show that the higher the dating rate the higher the divorce rate. And why should you give pieces of your heart and body to men and boys who will not become your husband. Think of it this way:
Jane and Dan were created by God for one another.
Anna and Grant were created by God for one another.
Anna and Dan start dating for fun. Anna is now stealing from her relationship with Grant, and she is also stealing from Dan’s relationship with Jane.
And I’ve heard the argument that you’ll never know the right one unless you try them out. That’s not faith. If God created a husband for you, then YOU. WILL. MARRY. THAT. MAN. What do you think that you, a human being, can do to change that? Can you make a mistake so big that it ruins God’s plan? Is there ever going to be a time when God looks down and says, “Wait a moment, Anna and Grant are supposed to be married…. where is she? What happened to her? Oh no! She didn’t try him out in high school and now he doesn’t know about her and he’s about to marry this other girl Sadie! I had better re-write that.”
If I am going to enter a relationship, it is not to play. It is for the purpose of marriage. If God has created a man for me, then I am fully confidant that he can bring that man into my life at the right time, and He WILL make His will clear to me. He won’t leave me to play a guessing game and “read the signs” to know if this man is the one. It will be clear as day to me, my family, him, and his family. It may take some time to become clear, but it will be made clear.
I guess I could put it this way. I believe in arranged marriages. The God of the universe created a perfect couple with me one one end and a man on the other. He made us, He’s watching us, and when the time is right, He will bring us together. There’s no need to try the guys out, there is certainly no reason to play with men I’m not going to marry. I’m fine with waiting because I trust him, and I don’t need to try and draw attention or flirt or date or anything. If my future husband can’t see me, God will turn his head so that he does.
So yeah, I hope I was able to put my thoughts into words in a coherent way.
Man is born for the fight, to be forged and molded into a sharper, finer, stronger image of God
@whalekeeper yeah pretty much
"When in doubt, eat cheese crackers."-me to my charries who don't even know about cheese crackers
Okay cool! I’m glad that works well for you and your church community. I bet it also works well for you because you’ve known the people in your church for a long time, so there’s a lot of familiarity. A sense of home.
Your picture of dating definitely isn’t the same as what we actually do in other Christian circles, though. Especially the assumption that we’re giving ourselves away to multiple people… That’s kinda wrong. 😅
There’s no need to try the guys out, there is certainly no reason to play with men I’m not going to marry.
For example, you must have a very different definition for ‘try the guys out.’
#ProtectAdolinKholin
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