- This topic has 6,809 replies, 64 voices, and was last updated 8 hours, 48 minutes ago by
.
-
Posts
-
If you want to share your plot outline and story details, I could try to help you with a blurb!
WE ARE REVIVING THE PROTECTION SQUAD! *steals Joseph, Julian, and Sabina from Ellette*
@kyronthearcanin awesome!!
ooh, and I have an idea. Once you finish two or three books, you could create a “guide to Orythia” with a map of the planets (and key locations on each one), descriptions and pictures of all the different creatures, and maybe some tidbits from each of their lore.
Where'd I get ya this time? The liver? The kidney? I'm runnin' outta places to put holes in ya.
That would be awesome!! Currently on my monthly newsletter I’m going through each of my planets and their races one by one, so I’ve been doings something sort of similar to that! Having a book out like that would be really cool haha.
Follow your heart, but take your brain with you.
*exhales*
I just read that scene you shared. Literally, Jonathan has me so stressed right now!! That was so intense! What was he thinking!!?? DUDE! 😑
…
Okay… now… ahem. 😅
I, too, like the 7th cover. My second favorite is 4, though…
Flaz: *yawns* Did the sun just come up? In the west?
Definitely 11.
The squirrels are collecting more nuts than usual this winter. I've already lost 3 relatives.
I am the #1 banana hater, so none :p
Any noun can become a verb if you don't care enough.
@freed_and_redeemed @savannah_grace2009 I have a Chase scene for you
@whalekeeper @loopylin @grcr @theducktator @esther-c @kielah-h @theshadow @ellette-giselle @anyoneI have a really sweet but sad Chase scene. For context, this is after Chase’s last battle with Narsa Jeptune.
oh, and beware, I’ve barely edited this. Criticism welcome 🙂
Chase laid back into the cushions Mrs. Marshall had placed on the couch for him, closing his eyes. Listening to Aunt Bee and the Marshalls talking around him while sharing Sunday afternoon cookies brought a small smile to his face. How could he regret his sacrifice when he stopped to think that what he had done had made this all possible? Narsa Jeptune’s terror was gone, and in her wake was left this, all this, the laughing, the family, the love, the cookies. All because Chase had stood up to her, all because he had used his God-given powers to destroy her. And the only price he had to pay was the use of his legs. He believed it to be a good trade.
“Chase? You awake? If you aren’t I’m gonna eat all your cookies!”
Chase opened his eyes and smiled at Nick. “Th-they’re m-mine!” He leaned forward, reaching for his plate.
Nick scooped up the plate, a mischievous smile on his face as he took a cookie and opened his mouth.
“H-hey!” Chase, pushing himself off the couch with his hands, crumpling to the floor. Aunt Bee and Mrs. Marshall immediately swarmed down on him with questions and trying to help him back up. “I-I’m good.” Aunt Bee beat Chase to Nick and the cookies, taking them from the strong teen and giving them back to Chase, rebuking him for “trying to steal from a poor crippled boy.” Chase and Nick only exchanged smiles. Instead of pulling himself back onto the couch, Chase sat on the floor, munching on his little treat. Suddenly, he stopped, setting the half-eaten cookie back on the plate. A sudden tune had erupted inside his head. He closed his eyes, listening to the sweet song.
“Chase? Are you okay?” Aunt Bee asked him.
“I-is s-some…one playing m-music?”
“Why, no. Everything okay?”
Chase didn’t answer her, listening to the song something about it was familiar. Where have I heard this tune? Chase’s eyes went wide. The Unicorn!
“Chase?”
“I-I’m fine, Aunt Bee.” Chase turned to meet Mr. Marshall’s blue eyes. “W-will y-you c-carry me out, outside?”
Mr. Marshall nodded, getting up from his seat to gently take the light teen up in his arms. “Why do you want to go outside?” he asked as he set Chase in his wheelchair.
“Y-you’ll s-see. Every, everyone c-come.” He beckoned to them as Mr. Marshall pushed him out the door. Once outside, Chase requested that Mr. Marshall take him to the field separating the house from the forest. As he got closer to the center of the wide field, the song inside his head grew sweeter and louder. Once he got to the center of the field, he asked for Mr. Marshall to stop. Chase then closed his eyes, focusing on the tune and humming it to himself. The Marshalls and his aunt watched curiously, wondering if Chase had awakened another one of his powers. Soon, the sound of hooves came to their ears, and breaking the tree line came the most beautiful creature they had ever seen. Opening his eyes, Chase’s mouth opened in wonder and joy. There it was! The most majestic and rare animal to ever bless the forest near Shyton. Its head was like a deer, with the body of a magnificent horse. Its hooves were cloven like a deer’s and its long white mane and tail flowed like a peaceful brook. On its head was a singular horn, about three feet in length. Its coat glistened with what looked like many stars in its silvery-grey coat. It moved with such grace that it seemed as if it wasn’t even real.
“What is it? Nick, explain it to me!” Jenny asked as she heard her family around her marveling at the beautiful creature. Nick explained it to her with an amazed tone in his voice. “Oh, it must be wonderful! How I wish I could see it.”
The song inside Chase’s head grew sweeter and louder as the animal came closer to him. The creature stopped a few feet in front of the little group, tossing its head and neighing. “I-I called to th-this unicorn a long t-time ago. T-they say i-if you make a dear sacrifice, it w-will gr-grant a wish.” Chase sighed, looking around at the Marshalls and resting his gaze on Jenny. “I-I’m g-gonna give up my powers.”
“Chase, no. You just learned to use them! Why give them up?”
“C-cuz, Bee, I h-have an ex-expensive wish.”
“But your powers are so cool,” Jenny exclaimed. “Don’t give them up! Think of all the good you can do still! What about your dream? To protect those who can’t protect themselves?”
Chase’s green eyes clouded with indecision as the blind girl spoke. After a few moments, he reached a hand out. The unicorn moved forward, until Chase’s scarred hand touched the silky coat. Chase then closed his eyes as the song began to form into words inside him.
The Marshalls watched in silence as Chase spoke with the unicorn telepathically. After a couple minutes, Chase took his hand off of the unicorn, looking into the creature’s eyes that shimmered with many colors like a nebulae. “T-that is my wish. T-that is what I will s-sacrifice.”
“Chase no! It’s not worth trading your powers to walk again!” Nick said. But it was too late. A song burst forth from the unicorn that all could hear. The stars in the creature’s beautiful coat glowed brighter. A pale green mist seemed to sprout from the ground, engulfing the unicorn and the group. When the mist faded away, the song said,
The wish is fulfilled. It is done. Chase Duke, the one who has known much pain, how much will you have to give before you realize you don’t have to always be the hero?
With that, the unicorn went back to its forest, to hide from mortal eye until it was time to rise again. As the unicorn disappeared into the forest leaves, Jenny gasped.
“Chase! Chase, I thought you’d wish that you could walk again, but you…” Her eyes filled with water, before coursing down her cheeks. “You wished that I’d be able to see! Oh, Mom, Dad, I can see you! And the Unicorn!” Jenny shrieked with excitement, running to her mother’s arms.
The large family erupted with joy, hugging Jenny with tears falling down their cheeks as she beheld their faces for the first time. Chase didn’t say a thing, staring absently at where the unicorn had once stood. Jenny came up to him, hugging him tightly.
“Thank you, thank you, thank you, Chase! You’re the,” suddenly Jenny stopped, pulling back looking into Chase’s blue eyes earnestly. “You…you didn’t give you up your powers, did you?”
“N-no.”
“Then what did you give up for me?”
Chase turned to her, carefully reaching out a hand and touching Jenny’s cheek. “I-I bet y-your smile looks real-really pr-pretty r-right n-now.”
“Chase, oh dear Chase, you didn’t give up your sight! Tell me you didn’t.” Jenny grabbed his hand, squeezing it.
“I-it’s al-alright. N-now you c-can explain stuff to me.”
Jenny hugged him again, laying her head on his small shoulder, shedding tears of both joy and sadness for Chase. Aunt Bee and the Marshalls gathered around Chase, their little hero, all filled with the same mixed emotions as Jenny.
They soon made their way slowly back to the house, Jenny taking in all the beauty around her and telling Chase about it in detailed descriptions. Once they finally made it back to the Marshall’s living room, the family gathered around in prayer, praising their great God for Chase, and for Jenny’s eyesight. Afterwards, Chase pulled himself from his wheelchair, refusing help as he felt his way to the couch. Pulling himself up, he laid back into the pillows. What a small price to pay for so much, Chase thought as Jenny once again marveled at the beauty of color. With that, the little shyiad child fell asleep, a smile on his face.
"You need French Toast."
#AnduthForever (hopefully 💕)I like the deer-like appearance of the unicorn. It also seems like a fun resolution scene. Family reunion scenes are the best. I can also picture Chase on the cushions well, because I know what it feels like to be an invalid now and then but still participate in family activities.
I feel like the blindness bit was too much? I mean for Chase to give up his sight as well as his mobility. It’s too on-the-nose for Chase’s character, since he often gets marked with physical things like scars, stuttering, and the mobility thing. I felt less sorry for him, and more “oh okay that happened.”Idk, it felt like waaaaay too much.
But yeah that’s my opinion, otherwise I liked seeing a happy scene 😀 It would also be cool if all the Marshall siblings have super distinguishable actions to make Chase feel welcome. They could try to play games with him while he’s stuck sitting down, bring him treats, talk about things he likes, or if there’s a younger kid, they could play nurse. Whatever you are happy with.
“Everything is a mountain”
I feel like the blindness bit was too much? I mean for Chase to give up his sight as well as his mobility. It’s too on-the-nose for Chase’s character, since he often gets marked with physical things like scars, stuttering, and the mobility thing. I felt less sorry for him, and more “oh okay that happened.”Idk, it felt like waaaaay too much.
Yeah, it is a lot, that’s why I’ve been thinking about it all the time this past week. What made it decisive in my head, was Chase actually wanted this to happen. Sure, he would have avoided it in the story, but the Chase in my head told me that this all must happen. He was excited, excited that Jenny would see the world for the first since she was a baby. And falling into Chase’s cloak either in story or mind, he’s the happiest I’ve seen him. This all fits him, because he’s the greatest hero I have ever created, because he’s willing to give everything for others.
And don’t worry, sometime between now and when Chase is an adult, he will regain both sight and mobility. I just…haven’t figured out exactly how.
Also, I’m beginning to notice Chase has feelings for Jenny, but I can’t tell if it’s romantic or just good friends/siblings. Is either way obvious to you as the reader?
"You need French Toast."
#AnduthForever (hopefully 💕)What made it decisive in my head, was Chase actually wanted this to happen. Sure, he would have avoided it in the story, but the Chase in my head told me that this all must happen.
I get that. He did however already sacrifice his mobility so maybe it just feels redundant to me.
It helps to keep some tether on the character’s mind even if you feel like they want to do something, because at the end of the day it’s your mind, inventing things on the fly XD Character voice exists, it just isn’t the top ideal in writing because of the occasional spontaneousness.
I’m not discouraging you from doing what you want. Maybe if you foreshadowed the blindness switch in earlier chapters, it would flow better. Maybe he and Jenny are always trading things to benefit each other, like treats or car seats. So at the end when he trades his sight to her, their relationship makes a whole lot more sense.
Do all these sacrifices have something to do with his arc?
Also, I’m beginning to notice Chase has feelings for Jenny, but I can’t tell if it’s romantic or just good friends/siblings. Is either way obvious to you as the reader?
I just saw a brother/sister relationship but that’s just me. She is a Marshall, right?
“Everything is a mountain”
Aww that scene was sooo cute! <3
Lukas&Livia
#Lalbert
Sef&Chase
#HOTTOLINE
LEFSE FOREVER!!!!!! <333Aww, I loved it!!
The only thing I’d recommend is to really deepen Chase’s pov, especially after he gives up his sight. Because it still felt like he could see with the way things were described. I think if you describe it in the way in which Chase was experiencing it, then it will have a much bigger impact.
Other than that it was good! (:
Write what should not be forgotten. — Isabel Allende
I like number 7 best I think. The title feels like it is part of the picture.
Jonathan, you reckless, courageous, foolish kid. What did you think you were doing? (I think you’d get a long just fine with Vulkasin to the rest of the world’s danger)
First Grand Historian of Arreth and the Lesser Realms (aka Kitty)
Fork the GorkI think the last one is my fave!
Also, I read the blurb that you have and I like it! I usually prefer non-dialogue blurbs myself, but that one is still fine I think, but I would be happy to help regardless! All I’d really need I think is a basic rundown of the plot and what you want your readers to immediately grasp from the book, you know?
Love is patient. Love is kind. Love never fails. -1 Corinthians
And guess what? His is eternal (:
- You must be logged in to reply to this topic.