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@mineralizedwritings @whalekeeper
I know I’m not apart of this conversation, but
Oof, I’m also failing at chemistry, so you’re not alone! XD
I also failed chemistry in high school. I had to take it twice. It was not fun.
So, yeah, I feel ya. XD
It was a miracle that I graduated…
“Nothing says autumn like slurpin’ apples.” -my uncle
Thank you! <3
Lol yeah… I’m taking college chemistry and I’ve never had a in depth chemistry course before. I mean I knew what electrons were…?
"And so I left this world just as I had entered it. Confused."
Yep! It’s a great time waster… XD
"And so I left this world just as I had entered it. Confused."
@freedomwriter76
Well, I’m doing pretty good. I had a lot of back and shoulder pain yesterday due to yard work and my scoliosis flaring up haha but I’m feeling better. I took a break from writing yesterday bc of it and watched Captain America: The First Avenger instead😂
Aw, that’s no fun. Except for the fact that you got to watch Captain America. 😂 I think the Captain America movies are my favorites.
It’s going great! Currently waiting on the Copyright Office to read through the manuscript and send me the proper papers lol. I’m currently working on doing the final, final edit and kinda just taking it slow lol. I’m looking at self-publishing and a specific company, possibly, to print a bunch of copies. We’re kinda hoping I’ll be able to maybe do a book signing at a yearly WW2 reenactment that I’ve gone to continuously for, like, 3 years now, lol, since Mom has become Facebook friends with one of the people that run the reenactment.
Awesome!! That’s so exciting!! 😊 A book signing would be so cool! If I were able to, I would totally come. 😁 Is that soon? Or farther down the road?
Yeah, self-publishing is probably a little easier than traditional publishing. 😬 I’ve considered both options when it comes to publishing my trilogy and a different project, I just don’t know yet. Which is totally fine, because neither will be ready to be published for a year or so. 😅
But how about you, girl? How’s writing and life? 🥰
It’s going pretty well! We’ve been looking for a church since the beginning of summer, and we’ve finally found the one God wants us at and one that fits our family. 😊
I’ll be turning fourteen in a little over two weeks! So I’m excited for that! 😁 I’m also really looking forward to Christmas this year. I don’t know why, I just love Christmas, lol, so I can’t wait to put up our Christmas tree and all our decorations! (We always wait until after Thanksgiving. 😉 )
And I’m doing NaNo this month, which is kinda stressful but also really fun. 😂 I’m loving the book I’m writing and I think it may be my first one to get published. 😬 I might end up with a final draft by the end of next year. 😮 But we’ll see. 🙂
So yep! That’s pretty much it. 😊
Write what should not be forgotten. — Isabel Allende
@everyone
Can I have help with this scene? It seems really…idk, I just don’t like it for some reason. It could be that it’s out of place in my book, but I’m not sure.
Here it is:
Sef sat in a field of wildflowers, her eyes shining brighter than the sun overhead.
A smile graced her lips, and her hair fell in verdant waves down her back.
With nimble fingers, she plucked a daisy from the ground, twisting it back and forth in her hands, connecting it to the next daisy.
“Mahnith,” she looked up at her mother, concern creasing her forehead for a brief moment, “Hanna will like these, won’t she?” she cast a brief glance towards the sleeping infant, swaddled in blankets on the wildflower carpet.
Neveah smiled at her daughter and pulled her close, so close that Sef could smell her hair, which always seemed to smell like a forest of fresh pine. “I’m sure she’ll love them,” she looked lovingly at Hanna. The child’s long eyelashes fluttered for a moment and she stirred, before her face lapsed back into that childlike innocence, before she returned to her deep sleep.
The smile returned, and Sef returned to her daisy chains, draping them around Hanna’s delicate neck.
Beside her, Neveah wove various wildflowers into a beautiful crown. Violets, daisies, dandelions, even the occasional Blue Death blossom. Her fingers flew faster than Sef could follow, until finally she paused and held up the crown for Sef to look at.
“Something’s missing,” Neveah frowned.
“What?” Sef breathed, captivated by the beauty of all the flowers together in perfect harmony. A beautiful, flowing melody seemed to come out of their very blossoms, and Sef couldn’t imagine anything her mother could have possibly done to make it any less beautiful.
With a twinkle in her eyes, she lifted the crown above Sef’s head and crowned her with a flourish. “There. A beautiful crown for a beautiful girl,” she gazed at her handiwork with approval.
“For me?” Sef stared, incredulous. “Really?”
“Yes,” Neveah put her arms around Sef. “Really.”
“I want to make one for Hanna,” Sef said, already searching for the splashes of color among the green grass, that she could weave into a crown. She wanted the flowers to be blue, to match Hanna’s eyes, but the only blue flowers she could see were sprigs of Blue Death. Blue Death was only poisonous when ingested, but it could irritate sensitive skin, especially infants’. Sef decided she’d have to settle for the pink and violet asters and crocuses instead.
“I’ll teach you,” Neveah said, helping Sef find the best flowers.
Mother and daughter sat together with the flowers until the sun trekked its slow and deliberate path across the rosy sky.
***
When they finally emerged from the fields at sunset, Hanna was covered in so many flowers that Sef could barely see her clothes underneath them. She was clothed in flowers, with tiaras adorning her brow, and strings of daisies around her neck.
“She looks like a fairy child,” Neveah had observed.
The three continued along the path back to the slums.
“Do we really have to go back?” Sef asked, although she knew the answer. “Sometimes I wish I could stay there, with the flowers, forever. Where things aren’t so bad.”
“You can,” Neveah smiled. When Sef looked at her quizzically, she added, “I’ll teach you how to press them, if you like. You can preserve them and keep them forever.”
“I’d like that,” Sef said, and they walked in silence, save for the faint brushing of the flowers against their clothes.
It was a perfect afternoon.
A memory preserved in Sef’s mind for years to follow.
Lukas&Livia
#Lalbert
Sef&Chase
#HOTTOLINE
LEFSE FOREVER!!!!!! <333I think it’s fine. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with it except a few technical things which don’t really matter right now. I’m assuming this is a flashback, right?
You said it feels out of place in your book, so check to make sure that this flashback is establishing or foreshadowing something. Like, establishing how Sef’s life used to be compared to now, how much she missed that, etc; or foreshadowing something happening in the future or maybe Neveah brings up this memory again sometime when they’re reunited. (Assuming they are eventually reunited…) I’ve done flashbacks a couple times before. I used the one I most recently wrote to establish how much my MC loved his parents and told the meaning of his name. (Which is important in the story later on.)
I hope that makes sense?
Definitely keep the scene around until you’re done with the first draft or ready to edit, just so you can see where it falls into the big picture and if you should get rid of it or not. (I write my drafts in Google Docs, so what I like to do is add a comment to a chapter or a scene that I can look at later and they’ll say something like: “Fact check” “Rewrite this scene, too clunky” “Reconsider this chapter” etc, so I can edit better later.) I know that I write lots of scenes that are either deleted or fleshed out later when I go back over them. (:
Anyway, I like the scene and I’m not entirely sure what you’re seeing that you don’t like, but that’s just my opinion. 😊
Write what should not be forgotten. — Isabel Allende
Well, it’s not necessarily a flashback. It’s a chapter that shows Sef’s life before the Pythonos capture Neveah and Hanna, and it is supposed to foreshadow a bit what’s going to happen in the future. Something seems kind of wrong with it though, and I’m not sure what XD
Yeah, I’ll definitely keep it somewhere, but for some reason I don’t see it making to my actual book XD
Lukas&Livia
#Lalbert
Sef&Chase
#HOTTOLINE
LEFSE FOREVER!!!!!! <333Lol he’s embarrassed by your immaturity? 😂😂
I play the part pretty well 🤣
XD yes! I listen to the lofigirl synthwave radio 🤩 I used to listen to the normal one too, but I like the synthwave better. But tbh, I can’t listen to it for more than 2 hours a day because it’s a little too much.
I can’t listen for too long either. Especially if I’m listening to it on headphones.
XD yeah… it’s a little painful. I would say though that I feel like all the things I have missed out on has made it easier just in general as a christain. I know what it’s like to miss out, and that I’ll miss out on all kinds of things in the future. I mean, there’s things our future non christain friends will do that we will miss out on (Maybe going to a concert for a musician who’s a little crass) and I think the little things now just make it a bit easier in the future.
Maybe that will become true for me XD I’m a very scared-of-the-future person, and the only way to feel better about it is to hope I’ll find a way to do those things. Life goals, I guess, to make me feel more accomplished. But even then, my goals are spotty because I don’t think any of them are realistic.
I’ve seen that too, and I think it’s so cool! I have noticed though that a lot of those people work really really hard, and I’m not sure I would want to work that hard at something I love.
I think if I go down that path, like you said, I would have to be a hard worker – and I don’t have much experience working yet, so it’s not certain if I could even do it.
XD the Min formula! I like that lol.
That’s what it is!
There was a brother and a sister that were sold into slavery. The brother got into a good home (They might have bought him to rescue him, who knows. He was treated like a son) The sister ended up with a horrible couple, but later ended up with her brother. The fiance of one of the siblings relatives took 2 years to rescue them (Nobody knew exactly where they were). Idk, I think it’s super sweet. Most people would try to rescue their own immediate family, but he rescued his fiance’s family.
That’s really interesting. Totally story material, if you ask me. Especially the contrast between how they were treated.
Nice! What was your costume?
Um… it was from a horror game 😅 But it wasn’t gory, and the charrie it was based off is actually really sweet. He’s a little kid who protects a younger girl while they both travel across the game.
Oh no! XD that sounds hectic. I haven’t done in person school sense the 6th grade but I remember what that was like.
I’m in Classical Conversations, and altho it’s probably not as chaotic as, say, public school – most of the kids are very mature – it’s StiLL a bunch of teens cooped up together 🤣 So you have to expect some problems.
Oh and also, I made a breakthrough in my wip today! I might post about it later because it made a couple other problems lol
That’s great!! 🙃 Does it fix some of the problems you had earlier?
“Everything is a mountain”
Ok. That makes sense.
Yeah, I’ll try to think on it and see what you’re seeing. 🙂
Write what should not be forgotten. — Isabel Allende
Maybe that will become true for me XD I’m a very scared-of-the-future person, and the only way to feel better about it is to hope I’ll find a way to do those things. Life goals, I guess, to make me feel more accomplished. But even then, my goals are spotty because I don’t think any of them are realistic.
Yeah, I’m a scared of the future too XD. And same with life goals making you feel accomplished, I have to constantly remind myself that my achievements do not equal my worth. I think a lot of goals that would be considered unrealistic are realistic, given enough time. I want to publish one or two comic series and kinnnnda hope one is big enough to get me to comic con, and while that seems unrealistic, it might not be a unrealistic goal for a experienced artist. I’m not a experienced artist now, but if I work hard at it on the side of whatever my job would be over the next ten years, I might be. I think whether something is realistic or not just depends on whether you plan in a realistic way. Given enough time, you can do a lot of things 🙂
I’m curious now, what is your supposed unrealistic goal? XD
It actually didn’t occur to me it was story material… man it would be epic to write a hisfic retelling of the story! Woah….
Um… it was from a horror game 😅 But it wasn’t gory, and the charrie it was based off is actually really sweet. He’s a little kid who protects a younger girl while they both travel across the game.
Awww that sounds nice!
It’s great that a lot of the kids are more mature… but yeah teens are still teens.
It fixes some big problems and makes more. Man, every step forwards is too steps backwards into the plotters labyrinth.
"And so I left this world just as I had entered it. Confused."
@everyone
Here’s the first chapter of my revisions to my Andromeda WIP! Anyone have any critiques?
Newborn light sifted between the windows, piercing the darkness.
Through the smudged glass, Sef could see the Andromedan sunrise, she could see the indigo trees dancing as the wind pushed them to and fro.
The morning was beautiful, and it called Sef to join its frolicking.
And oh, how she wanted to. She longed to dash outside and shed the confines of the small run down house she lived in, and she wanted to run, she wanted to feel the cool morning dew under her feet, she wanted to fly over the fresh green grass, she wanted to run and run and never stop.
Instead, Sef quietly climbed out of bed. She felt the cool floorboards under her bare feet as she tiptoed down the hall to her mother’s room. Easing the door open a crack, she peered through the darkness. Neveah was still asleep. Her verdant skin had faded in pigment, giving her the appearance of a faint green shadow against the stark white of the cotton pillows. Her green hair was tangled and covered the pillow like a blanket of its own, and she had the covers pulled up to her chin.
Though her face displayed utter restfulness and peace, Sef was not fooled. If anyone was to look closer, they would see the faint wrinkles on Neveah’s forehead, the droplets of sweat adorning her cheeks, the way her eyebrows pushed together as if pondering some deep equation.
Sef quietly pulled the door closed, worry striking a flame in the pit of her stomach. She was worried about her mother.
For weeks now, Neveah had been too tired to get out of bed until the late hours of the morning, which was alarming enough, considering that Neveah always awoke before sunrise; she used to be awake when all of Andromeda had still been under the cover of darkness. And then there was her mother’s eyes-now they always seemed tired and sad, even when she was smiling. Her voice always sounded tired, weak, even.
Neveah would lay in bed in a dark room for most of the day, asking Sef to read to her from their small collection of old books held together with duck tape, to sing to her. It was up to Sef to clean the house now, sweeping the floor, washing the dishes, even cooking the meals. Of course, Sef didn’t mind at all helping her mother. But whenever she drew the broom across the floor, it reminded her of her mother’s absence, of the fact that Neveah was not well enough to even perform a task such as this.
And what bothered her the most was that Neveah continued to claim that all was well. That she was not sick, that she was “fit as a fiddle”.
This not only made Sef worry more, but a faint trace of anger burned in her heart as well. Did her mother really think that by withholding the truth, that Sef would worry less? Neveah was all Sef had. She had no father, no relatives, and no siblings. If her mother was sick, or going to die, Sef deserved to know, no, she needed to know.
Now Sef went to the cupboards, and removed a large pot, cringing at the clattering sound it made. No matter how hard she tried to be silent, her touch was always too hard-or soft, her movements all at the wrong time. She went to the sink and filled the pot with water, internally groaning at the loud noise the running water made. She tried to adjust the flow so only a few drops could come out of the faucet at a time, but that only made the noise worse, and so she could only hope that her mother would not be disturbed.
She reached for the sack of oats in the corner, sitting upon the chipping counter, and emptied them into the pot. Then she went over to the stove and twisted the knob, placing the pot on the burner.
They would have a solid breakfast of oatmeal this morning. The only thing that would make it better, Sef knew, would be fresh milk, but if she thought they could afford milk, she was sorely mistaken. Between Neveah’s few agates she earned from her work at the factory and Sef’s odd jobs in Lir, they barely had enough to make ends meet. Even so, the ends always seemed to fall short. The “ends” were fraying, slowly, and Sef wasn’t sure how long they could last like this.
But she wouldn’t let herself be concerned with such things. Not with her mother sick. She had enough on her mind.
The oatmeal in the pot began to boil, and Sef knew it would only be a few moments before breakfast was ready. She stirred the pot in a clockwise motion, so the oatmeal would not scorch.
Finally, the oatmeal came to a rolling boil, Sef moved to the cupboard and removed two bowls, one for herself, and one for Neveah.
Carefully ladling the piping hot oatmeal into the bowls, she made sure to put equal amounts in both bowls.
“Good morning, Sef,” Sef nearly jumped out of her skin as her mother’s voice spoke from behind her. Sef whirled around in surprise. Neveah smiled, and leaned on the edge of the counter for a moment.
“What are you doing up?” Sef asked, confused. “I was going to bring your breakfast to you, like normal.”
Neveah shook her head. “I thought I’d eat breakfast with you today, my love.”
“Alright,” Sef tilted her head to the side, taking a bowl in each hand and carefully walking to the table, eyes fixed on her precious cargo so as not to spill even a drop. They couldn’t afford to waste anything. Finally, Sef sat down across from Neveah at the wooden table, and slid Neveah’s bowl across the table to her.
The table was rough, splintery, and had clearly seen better days, but Sef was just grateful they didn’t have to eat on the ground. They were fortunate compared to some.
The table always held a special place in Sef’s mind. It reminded her of her father, who had been gone for two months. He had said that he was going to find a better job, perhaps he would be able to earn more money to support his wife and child across the Godede Waters, in the country of Rippak. He promised to be back in two weeks time, but he had never returned.
Her father had carved his signature into the tabletop. Your father was good with his hands, Neveah would say, and her eyes would get that faraway look, as if looking into an imaginary sunset, He could mold the wood like clay, he could sing the wood into whatever he desired.
Sef used to run her fingers across the carving, carefully tracing every letter as if doing so would bring him back from all those miles away.
Of course it never did.
Neveah smiled and stretched her thin hands across the table. Sef smiled back and slipped her hands in her mothers’. They both bowed their heads and closed their eyes.
“Father,” Neveah began, “Thank you for blessing us with this meal. Please grant us peace, and when we sin in secret, let that be brought to the light. We love you, O Great One.”
“Honor and glory forever,” Sef finished.
“Honor and glory forever,” repeated Neveah.
They began to eat in silence. And Sef enjoyed every moment of it. It had been weeks since Neveah had felt well enough to get up this early, it had too long since they had shared a meal together.
Too long.
How she had missed her mother. It was like she had been hungry for her mother’s prescence so long she didn’t realize how hungry she was until she tasted food.
“You didn’t have to get up, you know,” Sef kept her eyes on the rough surface of the table. “You could have rested a while.”
“Sef,” Neveah put her hand over Sef’s, and made Sef look at her. “I’m not in invalid. You don’t have to treat me like one.” she smiled.
“I’m sorry,” Sef mumbled.
“Don’t apologize,” her mother lifted her chin. “I wanted to thank you for helping me around the house.”
“You’re welcome,” Sef said, and then looked back at the table.
“No,” Neveah said sternly, gently cupping her chin. Sef looked into Neveah’s piercing green eyes again. “I am not sick. Don’t worry about me.” And she smiled again. This time, Sef noticed, this time the smile looked real. Still, though, Neveah’s eyes seemed cloudy, tired.
“But-” Sef began.
“Do you trust me?” Neveah said. Sef nodded. “I have something to tell you.” Sef’s stomach knotted. “But I have to know-can you keep a secret? Can you keep a secret to protect me, to protect the ones you love?”
“I swear it,” Sef breathed. Her mind was racing, desperately trying to find what the secret could possibly be.
“Do you promise?” Neveah said. Sef nodded. Neveah sighed, and her face caught the light, giving her a look of rapture. “I am not sick…but you are right when you think that I have been different.” she paused and looked at Sef, and this time her smile was one of pure joy.
Gone was the sickly appearance, the weak look in her eyes, not once did her voice waver. “I have been tired, yes. Because I am going to have a child.” She laughed, and the music filled the whole room. “You, Sef, are going to be an older sister.”
Lukas&Livia
#Lalbert
Sef&Chase
#HOTTOLINE
LEFSE FOREVER!!!!!! <333Sorry that was kinda long, XD
Lukas&Livia
#Lalbert
Sef&Chase
#HOTTOLINE
LEFSE FOREVER!!!!!! <333I really like it!!
I don’t have any critiques right now because my writer brain is a little dead from working on my NaNo project. XD But I’ll try to come back to it later and look over it a little more closely. 😊
Write what should not be forgotten. — Isabel Allende
Aww thanks girl! That means a lot <333
Lukas&Livia
#Lalbert
Sef&Chase
#HOTTOLINE
LEFSE FOREVER!!!!!! <333
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