Song Lyric Critique

[_Delta.Leigh_]

Hello everyone,

I have a few lyric ideas for a song but I am worried the lyrics aren’t clear enough. I’m sure some of you feel the same way about your ideas as well, so feel free to share your own song ideas too.

Please let me know if anything is confusing, or if you have any ideas for lyrics or anything else as I continue.

Here’s my song idea: “Creation’s Father”

-a lullaby for kids

Lyrics:

Verse 1

Creations father forever

East to West the golden crest rises and shines upon the beasts

Recognizing their maker they all yield to your feet

Moon shades from quarter to quarter and tides obey the watchkeeper

Chorus
From setting sun to darkest moon creation yields to you

There’s not a beast in the dark that doesn’t enter your thoughts

Creations father watches over you

[Folith-Feolin]

@_delta-leigh_

Im not in AP music theory or anything  but I would say it looks pretty good I mean it follows a rhyme  scheme. If you want to critic a few songs here are a few from the world of Kharvia

 

Anim Traveling Song

Verse 1

Gather your lamp

grab your sword

through the warhlam

start us forward

leave now this place by which we used to live

used to live

 

follow the path

through mighty gale

sit by the fire

tell stories with ale

 

strike up a song to push back the cold of night

dark night

Chorus

Oh the moons shine bright

All through the day

and into the night

thats were we’ll go

Oh

to find our way

 

Verse 2

make a new friend

share them some bread

walk both together

As new paths tread

for always remember

life without friends is dead

is dead

 

Tell them a tale

as you walk along

count all the birds

and sing a song

 

but never forget the

lives that you used to live

used to live

 

chorus 

Oh the moons shine bright

All through the day

and into the night

thats were we’ll go

Oh

to find our way

 

it’s not finished yet but that’s what I got so far

[Anonymous]

@_delta-leigh_

Hey, so this is a very small critique but Maybe change all creation yields to their feet instead of your feet. Idk, it might just be me but that makes more sense in my mind. Otherwise both of you have very good songs. I don’t have any other critiques. Can’t wait to play it for my children (if I have them someday). 😊

[_Delta.Leigh_]

OH yes! I see what you’re saying about that. Thanks for pointing that out!

[Author]

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