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I’d love feedback on the blurb. I want it to catch your attention, but not give too much away. Here you go.
WOW. Yes, it has totally caught my attention, and I’m hooked! It sounds very interesting. I think you wrote it quite well. It’s not too long and doesn’t give much away, but it offers the readers a huge tasty donut to hook on to. Uh, do you understand my metaphor?
So, I’m assuming you’re doing a bunch of research about WW2, right?
My place beside you, My blood for yours, Till the Green Ember rises, Or the end of the world!
It is! Like poetry made of prose. I adore this stuff.
First Grand Historian of Arreth and the Lesser Realms (aka Kitty)
Fork the GorkLook. you got under 200 words.
I’m not going any shorter.
I hardly got to say anything I wanted.
It’s awful, isn’t it.
In the city of Edran, the government had imposed strict control, monitoring every word and action. Daniel, Shelton, and Ezra Darman were not ready to cower. Their goal was clear: disrupt the government’s oppressive broadcasts.
The question was how?
Then Ezra found the old radio.
Piece by piece, the brothers worked to create a broadcasting system. One evening, as the three worked, the sound of footsteps echoed outside their hideout.
At that moment, Ezra pressed a button, and the system came to life The three looked at one another, and Shelton made the decision. “We go live now.”
As Enforcers stormed the building, Daniel and Ezra moved to barricade the door. Shelton yanked on the headset and sat down. Reaching out, he flipped the switch.
Behind him, the door began to splinter.
Shelton took a deep breath and spoke. “Good evening, my friends.”
Enforcers crashed into the room and Daniel ran to shield Shelton.
Shelton closed his eyes tightly, and then he poured everything he had ever wanted to say into those last few moments.
Ten minutes later, the three lay dead. But the enforcers had been too late.
The people had heard.
Man is born for the fight, to be forged and molded into a sharper, finer, stronger image of God
Good good!! A poignant ending, bittersweet but victorious.
Ah, I still think you could do something even shorter if you didn’t introduce it, but that’s also part of your current writing style, I think, so I won’t prod.
First Grand Historian of Arreth and the Lesser Realms (aka Kitty)
Fork the GorkThank you.
I may develop this into a novel someday.
Okay…..
@liberty SNOWBALL!!!
@highscribeofaetherium SNOWBALL!!!Man is born for the fight, to be forged and molded into a sharper, finer, stronger image of God
@liberty I would say yes, but it’s kind of fun to watch as they multiply from the original two, and eventually we’ll get to the point where we have a lot flying. So no, sorry. You’re welcome to ask for tags though.
“I didn’t come this far to just come this far.”
Oh! *Squeel of glee* I love it. Her perspective is so different. And it made a lot more sense. Lol.
(Also something Calion would get himself into. Just saying.)
You have listened to fears, child. Come, let me breathe on you... Are you brave again? -Aslan
*Squeals back* Doesn’t it? =D
(Ooooo…I did not think of this)
First Grand Historian of Arreth and the Lesser Realms (aka Kitty)
Fork the Gork(*cackles*)
You have listened to fears, child. Come, let me breathe on you... Are you brave again? -Aslan
Love how quickly this topic is getting chaotic
“Nothing says autumn like slurpin’ apples.” -my uncle
@loopylin hehe it really is
Flash fiction is fun. I think like Koshka said, you have to skip all the introductions and try not to be too plotty. I remember my first attempt at a short story was too plot-focused, with a bunch of plot points, and I just managed to shave enough words off to keep the limit.
Actually I think this would be a cool discipline to practice. I should make another topic…
“Everything is a mountain”
Forgot about my snowballs, but got them written! I know I don’t have to share a snippet buuuuut….. I really want to. 🤣 So here you go:
***
“Don’t try to turn her down.” Mrs. Palmer stood beside me, a knowing smile on her lips.
“Who?”
“Marzia. This is her way of accepting you into the family. She’ll be offended if you don’t let her spoil you.”
I smiled. “Shouldn’t be too hard, should it?”
Mrs. Palmer laughed softly. “I hope not.”
Even after knowing her for years now, I never got over how much Clay looked like his mother—and father.
He had his father’s nose and perfectly symmetrical smile, but his face shape and signature forest green eyes were from his mother. I suppose Clay’s good looks came from both sides of the family—a little bit of sun-drenched farmer boy and a little bit of clean, high-class Italian.
I couldn’t help but smile just a little to myself. The combination sounded odd in my head, but no other guy I had met was as perfect for me as Clayton.
Write what should not be forgotten. — Isabel Allende
Oooo, yes! Like I said, I adore this stuff.
First Grand Historian of Arreth and the Lesser Realms (aka Kitty)
Fork the Gork
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