Potato news 64

[Crazy Cat Lady]

@raxforge

?

Every time you smile, a flower blooms somewhere in the world.
#AnduthForever (hopefully💕)

[SIR FRANKENFURT the 3RD]

This is wonderful. One day I’m going to attack these potatoes with my Empire of Illegal Bread. The bread with a bite taken out of the center. Mwehehe.

"Ya little WhackerSmackle." "What's a whackersmackle?" "... I don't know..."

[Stepheroni and Cheese]

@the_lost-journal

*calls the news station*

Oh, hi, I’m Stephie! I’m so passionate about protecting potatoes. You know, I’m an expert in therapeutics and in neuropsychology. My specific area of interest is in psychopaths. I’m currently writing a book about how they work, and I’ve been interviewing the most dangerous criminals in order to compile a list of them and how their brains function and whether they have mental disorders. If you allow me to visit @whalekeeper and question her, I might be able to get some interesting insights. Could that be arranged?

Pray, thou shalt simply add ketchup unto the mac'n'cheese.

[Potato reporter]

@stephie

*ring ring*

“… H-hello… Ah.. you’re here to talk about the serial killer…? Umm… today is not the best day… We just had a little… mishap… I guess I could transfer your over to the man who runs the interviews… Okay… Sorry our manager was just murdered…” – Pablo

“Hi… Ah, yes Pablo just told me… Yes, I think that would be great… You can definitely interview @whalekeeper… I must warn you though, she finds a way to make a weapon out of… everything…” – Piggy

 

• This reply was modified 1 day, 13 hours ago by Potato reporter.

"We love the sinner, but hate the sin."-The other mother (Coraline)

[Stepheroni and Cheese]

@the_lost-journal

Don’t worry–I’m a professional. Interviewing disturbing criminals is how I make a living.

 

( @whalekeeper lemme just share a document with you that NOBODY ELSE, you hear me NOBODY ELSE is allowed to access. Here you go: https://docs.google.com/document/d/1_D2daneyR8ztLjBodCE4cVYL5X25DHBosvwc6hl3n_U/edit?usp=sharing )

• This reply was modified 1 day, 13 hours ago by Stepheroni and Cheese.

Pray, thou shalt simply add ketchup unto the mac'n'cheese.

[Potato reporter]

“WELCOME!” – Palmer

“Um… like why do I get paired with the weirdos…? Anyway, I guess welcome to potato news… Or just leave, that would be nice.” – Piper

“I AM JUST SO EXCITED TO BE ON POTATO CITY NEWS FOR THE FIRST TIME!” – Palmer

“Who?” – Piper

“ME!” – Palmer

“Asked?” – Piper

“Oh…” – Palmer

“Well our stories today are pretty boring… Gerbils shutting down Joanns, neuro- whatever interviews the serial killer… (Ya know I would like if she would murder my boss) uh… bread army threatens us… Blah blah blah, yap yap yap… Parsley! What is this garbage?!” – Piper

"We love the sinner, but hate the sin."-The other mother (Coraline)

[Potato reporter]

“Uh… the stories?” – Parsley

“Well they’re trash.” –  Piper

“Than you should be happy you found something on your level! :D” – Parsley

“WHAT?! GET OVER HERE!!” – Piper

“AH!” – Parsley

“Anyway, Lets start with @theducktator! Or, the most esteemed feathered one! She has joined us for our olympics, and in her honor we are dedicating a whole sport to her! Duckling round up!” – Palmer

“And I have a special message to the queen of ducks… My favorite dish is duck tacos!” – Piper

“… who hurt you…?” – Palmer

• This reply was modified 21 hours, 31 minutes ago by Potato reporter.

"We love the sinner, but hate the sin."-The other mother (Coraline)

[Potato reporter]

“Anyway, here is the duckling round up.” – Piper

“As you see, very competitive!” – Palmer

“The winner of duckling round up was… Oh, Phoenix… He seems cool.” – Piper

“Anyway, the winner for the current olympic games are as follows: The winner for potato rock climb is Paloma for woman’s, and Paul for men’s.” – Palmer.

“The other games don’t matter… But is Phoenix still in Potato city…?” – Piper

“For his sake, I hope not.” – Palmer

“Now we just got news that @beth-torres, also know as sir Frankfurt the third, has declared war on potato city! Sheesh, why do we got, like, SOOO many enemies! The gerbils, squirrels, humans, bread… What next? Ants?” – Piper

“Don’t jinx it! ANYWAY! ATTENTION EVERYONE! NEWS HAS JUST BROKEN OUT THAT FIFTEEN POTATOES HAVE JUST GONE MISSING! These potatoes include: Penelope,   Peyton, Parker, Patience, Princesses, Pierce, Perry, Price, Peace, Pascal, Prescott, Phenix, Pau, Peretz, and Petra! If you see any or know of any of their disappearances than please contact the police!” – Palmer

“Ha, losers.” – Piper

“Why…? My sister was in that list…” – Palmer holds back tears

“Womp womp WOMPPPPPP.” – Piper

“…”- Palmer slaps Piper

• This reply was modified 21 hours, 34 minutes ago by Potato reporter.

"We love the sinner, but hate the sin."-The other mother (Coraline)

[Potato reporter]

“Ignore her. The missing people were last seen heading to school. They all had a few things in common: one, they all took the bus, the same bus that went missing. Two, they all are the best at something at their school… Like how Perry is on the speech and debate team, and he is the best in the whole state at it. Or how Peace is the most popular teen pop star currently. So they are each the very ‘best’ at something. Another thing they have in common is how they are all in high school… and none of them know each other…” – Palmer

“S-sounds li-liek a skill issu-” Piper gets slapped again.

"We love the sinner, but hate the sin."-The other mother (Coraline)

[Potato reporter]

“Well, let’s see that brad army!” – Palmer

“Vey scary! Wholesome news hour, we have just gotten news that a little girl saved a puppy from drowning! She saw a puppy floating away on a raft, she questioned it and began to wade in. When the puppy saw her, he began to jump up and down with joy! But than the puppy fell in… She swam to the rescue and saved the puppy! The girls name was… oh! Paige! She had this to say to the camera!” – Palmer

“My daddy died! :)” – Paige

“How sweet.” – Piper

“Now for our final news story let’s wrap up with a quick announcement! We will not be having news on Sundays! It is the day of rest after all! ” – Palmer

“No thanks for watching, never tune in again!” – Piper

“Potato City News!” – Palmer

“Only on channel 64!… Are we still live?” – Palmer

“Pftt… what an idiot! Of course were done.” – Piper

“Good!” – Palmer grabs his chair and throws it at Piper.

“Wow, bad aim.. that is sad.” – Piper moves her head slightly to the side, dodging the chair

“I HATE YOU!!!!!” – Palmer charges at Piper but she moves swiftly out of the way, causing Palmer to fly into a wall.

“Loser…!” – Piper

"We love the sinner, but hate the sin."-The other mother (Coraline)

[Potato reporter]

“I hate potatoes.” – Piper

“… you are a potato…” – Parsley

“I hate potatoes named Parsley.” – Piper

“Wow, I hate potato-” – Parsley

*Screens begin to glitch*

“Not again.” – Pristina

“HAHAHA!!! Hello all you stupid potato fools! I am the one who took those precious high schoolers!!!!” – ???

“WHAT?! Do not hurt them!!!!” – Palmer

“What is even happening?” – Piper

“I won’t hurt them… but they will hurt each other! MWA-HAHAHA!” – ???

“Um, says who?” – Patricia

“Well if they wish to leave they MUST do it. Now ta ta!” – ???

“Well… That is going to make news!” – Parsley

“Wow, really?!” – Palmer

• This reply was modified 20 hours, 33 minutes ago by Potato reporter.

"We love the sinner, but hate the sin."-The other mother (Coraline)

[Andrew]

*squirrel attacks the new station again, killing another potato with a garden spade, then fleeing*

Mandrew, Lord of squirrels, long may he live
#AnduthForever (Lord Willing)

[Potato reporter]

@raxforge

“… was that Pike he just killed?” – Parsley

“No. Because I’m right here.” – Pike

“Who was it then?” – Palmer

…

…

…

“No one knows?” – Parsley

“I guess it was some random guy. We should really close up our windows and doors.” – Pristina does so.

"We love the sinner, but hate the sin."-The other mother (Coraline)

[TheShadow]

Ha. Ha. Ha. Little do these poor potatoes know the real threat lurks much deeper…

“Our house is full of ducks!!!!”

[Loopy]

Why is everyone’s reaction to these little potatoes’ existence violence? Lol

Also, I am very honored to receive the couch potato award 😌

Official KP archivist ✨

[Author]

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